Monday, August 2, 2010

I Love You, So GET OUT!

Okay, I know I have been crying about this pregnancy a lot, but GOOD LORD, I am ready to not be pregnant anymore.  I never actually wanted to be pregnant in the first place.  I just wanted a baby.  Jeremy asked me how I would accomplish that, and I told him I had kind of hoped I could squeeze my eyes shut real tight and wish a baby into my arms.  Either that, or some kind of Cabbage Patch scenario:  Oh look, there's our baby growing in a head of cabbage!  Let's pick her up and take her home and ignore her abnormally large head!


Cabbage Patch Kids (© Michael Bradley/Fotopress/Getty Images)
Alas, I went the pregnancy route.  But guess what?  My baby is full term. You know what that means?  GET THIS BABY OUT OF ME!!!  I have been ready for my bundle of joy for months and months, and I am SOOO ready to not be pregnant that it is not even funny.


This is the conversation I've been having with the baby lately:  "Oh, you're all done cooking?  And you can survive outside of my womb?  And you are slowly killing me instead of coming out?  And we have all the essentials for raising you all ready to go?  You know what that means?  GET OUT!!!"

The thing is, Jeremy is TERRIFIED of the baby coming even one second before her 40-week mark.  Seriously.  And he is mad at me for wanting her out.  He even thinks I am hurting her by wishing her out.  Do you know what he DOESN'T know?  That my entire day consists of furiously nesting, crying, sleeping, crying, and crying in my sleep.  He was also not there when the doctor told me the baby was SOO ready to go and was already on the very large side, and if I wanted to try to persuade her to come out, I could do so. And apparently he doesn't know how bad it is to tell a pregnant Veronica her business.

Today he called me on his lunch break, and I was trying to figure out what I could do to help her want to come out.

Me:  I am figuring that she will want to come at the most inconvenient time possible, so if I DON'T pack the hospital bag and I DON'T grade these papers, maybe I will go into labor!!

Jeremy:  Umm, probably not.  She will probably come when she's ready, and I don't think she's ready yet.

Me:  Oh, really?  You don't think she's ready?  Well, I am ready.  And the BOOKS say she is ready.  And the DOCTORS say she is ready.  

Jeremy:  I'm just saying, she will come on her own time.

Me:  Well, for your sake, I sure hope that is soon, because I am just going to get worse and worse every single day, and YOU are the one who has to live with me.

Jeremy:  Really?

Me:  Really what?

Jeremy:  This could get worse?

Me:  You bet your sweet ass it can.  And it will.  Oh, it WILL.

Jeremy:  *silence*

Me:  That's what I thought.

This is going up TONIGHT:

14 comments:

  1. I don't know if you can comfortably do this but taking a two hour long walk the previous evening, put me into labor with Matthew. Thus far my only trick for scaring out babies ;)

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  2. Ok, I know this probably won't make you feel better physically, but reading this just made me laugh so hard I think I cried a little. I get scary angry when I'm hungry, so I'm pretty sure nobody will want to be near me if I ever get pregnant! Here's hoping she pops out soon!

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  3. Oh, that sign made me laugh so hard :) I hope for your sake she makes her appearance soon!

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  4. Can't say I know what that feels like from experience, but I do hope for your sake she makes her appearance into this world very soon!

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  5. Wow. If that baby does not leave your womb soon, you need to have a serious talk with her about overstaying her welcome. Because that's just rude.

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  6. Good luck with the baby! I hope she comes out for your sake and especially for your husband's. Sometimes little babies like to stay in the womb a little longer than estimated. She'll be here soon. Just be calm!

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  7. Time to give that freeloader her walking papers.

    Tell the doc you want them to break your water.

    She'll come out then. It's no fun to swim in the pool after somebody lets the water out.

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  9. I totally know what you're going through! I wish I had a great solution, but I don't. I hope, since your last post was August 2nd, maybe, MAYBE that little booger is out now!
    Found you through Lady Bloggers Society. I call my son Chunky Monkey and this caught my eye! Love it.

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  10. Since it's been a week since you posted this, I imagine the baby's made her appearance, but if not, I've heard having sex with an orgasm can prompt labor (though I admit the idea seems a little freaky on a few levels). I also read a couple days ago about a woman who jumped up and down on a staircase until she went into labor (she did this intentionally). So you could try those things. Good luck.

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  11. Come OOOOOON is the baby here already? I'm dying to know :D and I hope you're doing fine!

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  12. aaaahhhhhh I love babies

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  13. I totally know what you're going through! I wish I had a great solution, but I don't. I hope, since your last post was August 2nd, maybe, MAYBE that little booger is out now!
    Found you through Lady Bloggers Society. I call my son Chunky Monkey and this caught my eye! Love it.

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  14. I don't know if you can comfortably do this but taking a two hour long walk the previous evening, put me into labor with Matthew. Thus far my only trick for scaring out babies ;)

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