... but on the outside. Like, tears running down my face.
All of the following things are horrible, wretched inventions that have come about due to the "advancements" in technology.
I know, some of you are probably furrowing your brows and thinking Ummm, Veronica, obviously you L-O-V-E technology, what with your addiction to Facebook and TV, the writing of the blog nonsense, and using of the cell phone and whatnot.
Yes, whatever, I LOVE technology. I do. I could weep when I imagine my life without Google, and how much harder teaching would be if I didn't have CNN and Yahoo! homepages to show me interesting articles that relate to what I am talking about that day that I can print out and disitribute in about 30 seconds flat. And life without Television? I know there are some people who happily CHOOSE this lifestyle, but even if I become a bum living in a cardboard box, I will still sneak into stores to watch my stories.
So why am I writing a blog about the horror of technology? Read on, my friends ...
Well, first of all, because THIS exists:
Yes, a "OMG" necklace so you don't have to type or say "OMG" to people, you can say it to them all the live-long day, and in Cubic Zirconium to boot! The description is hard to read, but it says "OMG this pendant is sooooooo cute! This acronym for the phrase 'Oh My God' got its start years ago on IM and has become a common term used in everyday conversation. If OMG is one of the terms you use every day, then you have to get this cz pendant. Wear this sterling silver cz chat pendant and people are sure to say 'OMG I have to get one too!'"
All I can say is ... O. M. G.
Next up on my list: We all know that GPS has led to tracking devices of all sorts, and the first to shock and disgust me was the "Disney" tracking system for your children (the commercial shows parents smiling at a laptop that has a small Mickey head moving around on a map of their town. Wow.), but now that it is such a cheap and common technology, ads like this began popping up on my Facebook page:
Of course, after I listed myself as "married," the ads changed to "Is your husband cheating?"
Clever facebook bastards.
And, next up, technology has made life so much easier in the fact that one does not have to READ an entire silly book to get the plot. Especially those ridiculous classics, like Romeo and Juliet, Hamlet, or Pride and Prejudice. Who would want to READ when they could get literature's "gr8 txts" edited for the mobile generation?
The service sends text messages to students who want a condensed version of great texts, like this gem: "FeudTween2hses--Montague&Capulet. RomeoM falls_<3w/_JulietC@mary Secretly Bt R kils J's Coz&isbanishd. J fakes Death. As Part of Plan2b-w/R Bt_leter Bt It Nvr Reachs Him. Evry1confuzd---bothLuvrs kil Emselves."
Yep, that's the plot of Romeo and Juliet, and apparently that is all you need to get from that dusty tome. And this service claims it is providing an "understanding" of literature's classics.
And finally, the piece de resistance, the worst of the worst. You may have already heard of this by now. Especially if you are on the English faculty mailing list at work, because if you are, I already sent you the article and encouraged you to be disgusted by it. For those of you who are not forced to receive e-mails from me at work, let me tell you about the New England prep school that GAVE AWAY ALL THE BOOKS IN THEIR LIBRARY.
Voluntarily. On purpose. Over 20,000 books. Gone.
The headmaster of the school explains "When I look at books, I see an outdated technology, like scrolls before books." Clearly the same.
So, instead of ADDING digital readers and computers to the library (I'm sorry, it has been re-named the "learning center" since it doesn't have any books to make it fit the definition of a library.), they moved out the books and spent 500,000 smackers to move in technology -- and a $50,000 coffee shop that will include a $12,000 cappuccino machine. I mean, it IS a PREP school, after all.
It boggles the mind. I mean, this is an ADULT who made this decision. Did he never get over that black-or-white, all-or-nothing stage in life? The only options are not ALL books or NO books.
I would love comments on these abominations, but especially on the doing away with books. What is it that you get from a book that you could never get from a computer screen?