Funny Stuff My Husband Says

SCENE:  Jeremy has returned from his night class and is trying to catch up on the Tigers game I DVRed (if they win, they win the pennant!).  I, however, am keeping up in real time on my laptop.  For an hour I do not admit to this and pretend I am playing FarmVille.

Veronica:  I have a confession to make.

Jeremy:  ... what?

V:  I am not playing FarmVille.

J:  What?  What are you doing?  Is it bad?

V:  I am at detroittigers.com keeping up with the game in real time [Jeremy cuts me off]

J:  How COULD you?!?!!?!  There is a WINDOW in this room!!  What if I see the REFLECTION of your laptop and see the SCORE?!?!!?!!!!  Then this has all been for nothing!!


*                 *                 *                   *                    *                    * 

SCENE:  We are sitting on the couch.  I am sending someone a message on Facebook and notice it is Sweetest Day.

Veronica:  Hey ... when is Sweetest Day?

Jeremy:  ... Happy Sweetest Day ...

SCENE:  A few hours later, sitting at the kitchen table with his mother and laughing about how Sweetest Day was a big deal when we were first dating and now we miss it every year.

V:  Remember what a great Sweetest Day you gave me the first year we were dating?

J:  Ummm ... no?

V:  Are you serious?!?!  You got me a wonderful card, roses, a ton of candy, a cute little stuffed bear with angel wings [Jeremy interrupts]

J:  Oh yeah.  What happened to that bear?

V:  Irrelevant.  AND you took me to see Our Town, and then we went to dinner!!

J:  Holy SHIT!!  No wonder you married me!!

*               *                  *                   *                   *                     *

SCENE:  Exiting The Rocky Horror Show with my little sister and mother, after watching his little sister perform (while sitting with his parents, most of his siblings, my mother, and my little sister).

Jeremy: [Turns to my little sister, looking like a scandalized Puritan] So many curses ...


*              *                  *                   *                    *                    *

SCENE:  I am hurriedly gathering my purse and keys.

Veronica:  Okay, I am heading out to Target.

Jeremy:  What do we need at Target?

V:  I need to buy more bandaids for the toe that SOMEONE mutilated.

J:  Oh.  So you are just going to buy bandaids?

::PAUSE::

V:  Okay.  See you later.  [EXIT]


UPDATE:  Who knew it would become a series?  Click here for all volumes.