Fearful Friday Edition: 3 Things that Terrify Me

Yes, I am actually going to publish a list of things that terrify me, complete with photographic evidence of their scariness. You might be wondering, dear readers, if this actually qualifies as an interesting blog post. My answer to you is: I am queen of this here blog, etc., etc. The end. Okay, on to number one ...

1. Snakes

Evil, awful, sneaky snakes. {source}

They slither and hiss and bite.

People might tell you that snakes are more afraid of you than you are of them ... this is bunk. A total fallacy. Snakes WANT to bite you, and they will, given the chance. And if you are bitten by a snake? My apologies, friend. Especially if it happens to be one of the super-bad-super-poisonous ones. Because if that happens and that crazy Snake Doctor from Animal Planet is not around ... sayonara my friend.

You want proof that a snake not only WILL bite you in the face, but WANTS to? Here you go:

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This picture was on a website called "funnyhub." Seriously. Someone thinks THIS is funny. *shudder*

On the way to work yesterday, I was listening to an interview on NPR in which someone in Canada was lamenting the fact that people in his neighborhood were killing Black Rat snakes. He said they weren't poisonous, so people should live and let live. While I was hyperventilating a little at the thought of snakes, I was kind of agreeing with him. THEN he mentioned (in a very off-handed manner) that these beasts happen to be an average of SIX FEET LONG, are constrictors, and have been KILLING PEOPLE'S PETS AND LIVESTOCK. SIX FEET LONG?!?!!?!!?? I almost skidded off the road and died.

2. Centipedes


II think the key to the terror of the centipede is the fact that it looks so prehistoric. Plus, all the little legs. I bet they use all those little legs to scoot around super fast and scary-like. Oh yeah, and the feeler thingies. When they wiggle them at you ...

I am willing to admit that I have come across these horrifying beasts in my own home. No, I am not a negligent housekeeper.  Apparently my basement is just an ideal home for these creepers.
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3. Spiders

Yeah, I know, very original. But seriously, look at this:

Terror on eight legs. This also happens to be a wolf spider, the very same assbutt jerk arachnid that I stepped on at the tender age of eight and my entire foot swelled up like a football for a week. My high arches disappeared and I was flat footed. It itched so badly I considered cutting off my foot.

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Ever since then, it seems like they follow me. The other day, I had three run-ins in a half-hour time span. One greeted me in the shower, then when I closed the bedroom door after saying god-bye to Jeremy, one dangled down on a string and stopped a millimeter from my nose. And it STARED at me. So I ran. Then I got into my car, looked out the window to see if I could safely pull out of my driveway, and one was ON THE WINDOW, looking ready to pounce.

Clearly, they follow me, with the intention to BITE. Oh, and did I mention that that VERY day I had ALSO woken up with a spider bite on my arm? Evidence.

Face the facts people: spiders want you to die, and if you are not vigilant, one day they will win.

Well, while I have other fears, most of them do not have accompanying photographic evidence, so I will leave the list at three. Feel free to leave a comment to vent about your own paralyzing fears.