Two Things on a Friday

Thanks for the comments on my last post. I have gotten some private comments and had some nice conversations, so thank you all. If you have insight or experience and haven't left a comment yet, I would love to hear from you.

Two things about the girls on this glorious Friday:

First up, Josie. We have been trying to take things easy this week. Only two activities, no playdates, no gymnastics -- oh my goodness, did I ever tell you we started going to open gym at a gymnastics studio? She LOVES IT. Look!:

Anyway, both girls seemed a little tired and run down and I was hoping a quiet week would help. In the meantime, we have actually turned on the TV again, which ... well, I have mixed thoughts about Josie and TV. I really don't mind that she watches TV. I don't. I limit it, and she mostly watches stuff that teaches her awesome things. When it's not a teaching program, I limit it even more. On the other hand, when we have a normal busy week, we rarely turn the TV on at all, and I get some pleasure out of that. So going back to having the TV on at times during the day, it's ... well, whatever. It's a thing. 

Anyway (again), this morning was rough. Both girls were awake much earlier than normal and everyone was a little cranky. I decided to turn on the boob tube to see if anything was on and stumbled Sophia the First on Disney Junior. I know this is a much-loved show, but I had never purposefully shown it to Josie, since she has enough shows she likes and doesn't need to fall in love with anyone else. I asked her if she wanted to watch it, and she said yes. 

She watched a whole episode, and as another one came on, I asked her what she thought of it. She said, "Eh. It's okay. Can I watch a car or train show now?" Love her. LOVE HER.

Now for Genevieve. It's too late now, it's already been jinxed, so I can say out loud what I had been so excited about last week. Genevieve was sleeping. SLEEEEEEEPING. All night. In her crib. It was so amazing. It was the best thing ever. I would put her to sleep around 7:30 or 8:00, she would wake up ONCE, I got her back to sleep (in her crib!) within 15 minutes, and she would sleep there until 7 AM, when she would wake up laughing and smiling! Laughing and smiling! Oh, it was bliss. 

After nine months of her not sleeping longer than a two-hour stretch and needing to be in our room for at least the second half of the night (we only graduated to her being in her own crib for the first half of the night around 7 months), it was a long time coming and I was over the moon. It finally seemed like her stomach was better and she wasn't waking up in pain all night and needing me. Things were changing.

Then it all went to hell. She started waking up at least five times a night again. Then we had the past two nights, which were so so much worse. I am determined to keep her downstairs in her crib (our bedroom is upstairs and the girls' are downstairs. I KNOW. WHY DID WE BUY THIS DAMN HOUSE? STUPID!), so the night before last I went downstairs ONCE AN HOUR and even sent Jeremy down twice. Last night I was downstairs EVERY HALF HOUR and sent Jeremy down twice. Do you even know how many times that is? Approximately a million. Any guesses on her mood this morning? Yeah, crying, crying, and more crying. SLEEP AT NIGHT, KID. PROBLEM SOLVED.

The worst part is, Jeremy won't even admit that it's his fault. We were at my mom and dad's on Saturday and I told my mom "Something good is happening. Regarding Genevieve. And things she used to not do. She's doing them now. In a different location." My mom totally got it and we were moving on when Jeremy said, OUT LOUD, "Yeah, Genevieve has been sleeping great lately!"

Of course, I shouted "DON'T SPEAK OF IT!!!!!" but it was too late. The damage was done. My dad laughed and laughed and said, "You know what you've done, right? You've guaranteed that if that kid starts sleeping crappy again she's going to wake you up in the night and cry about it being all your fault."

He seriously still won't admit it's his fault*, even though she started sleeping poorly THAT VERY NIGHT.

It's like he's never even met me. I'm not superstitious. But I am a little stitious.**

*I'm sure it has nothing to do with the fact that she's teething, she's congested, and she's had a few diapers that lead me to believe her stomach has gone all wonky again. Noooo. Jeremy broke my baby with his words. FACT.

**Yeah, I'm a little (lot) heartbroken about last night being the last episode of The Office. Did you see it? When a certain silver fox showed up, I cried a little. I could blame the exhaustion, but that would be a lie. I just love him so much.

Mean Kids

You know how you fear something but hope it's far in the future so you forget about it, then all of a sudden, BAM, it's there and it's there big time and you have to deal with it instead of pretending it will never happen?

Yeah. MEAN KIDS. It happened.

There have been a few mean kids here and there in the past, but nothing that big, and Josie wasn't old enough to really get they were being mean to her. This past week, she got it. On three different occasions. 

Ugh times infinity.

I won't go through all the stories of how kids were mean to Josie. What they said doesn't really matter anyway. What will stay with me was the way she reacted. 

The first mean kid made her absolutely crumple -- her shoulders slumped, her face fell, and she walked away. I followed her and asked her what was up, and ... this kills me ... she said "Please don't look at me or talk to me" and hid her face.

I left her alone, but I was crushed. Not only was she obviously upset in a way that I was not prepared for yet, but this was the first time that she felt sad and didn't run to me for comfort. 

The next mean kid left her confused. She couldn't figure out why he was saying what he was saying, but she finally figured out what was going on, and she looked to me, silently asking me what was going on and what she should do.

And I guess I was just supposed to ... know? God, this poor kid. I had no idea. My first impulse was to punch the kid for talking to my kid the way he was, but since I'm writing this from the comfort of my living room instead of jail, you know I refrained.

The final incident included two kids and was the worst. It was outright bullying, and it led to Josie running over to me crying (while the kids chased after her, taunting her, no less). She flew into my arms and cried and asked me why they were calling her names and chasing her away from every part of the playground and not letting her play with anything.

I didn't have an answer for her. I just told her to tell them she didn't like they way they were talking to her, not to even worry about it, and go play away from them. 

Those kids continued to follow her around the playground, chasing her off of things and calling her truly awful names, WHILE THEIR MOTHERS WATCHED, in case you're wondering. But don't let me get started on that. That's a whole other post.

I'm just not ready for this. I never imagined I would have to worry about Josephine being sensitive. I know that sounds stupid, but she's just so fearless. I'm not ready for my confident girl to feel sad and unsure of herself. This sucks.

I think I handled all the events the "right way" in the moment, but I'm wondering if you all have any tips on things I should be saying after the fact and to prepare her for more future events. We have talked about it a little, but do any of you have some great advice on how to talk to your kids to ease the hurt, keep their confidence intact, and give them strategies to respond when it happens again?

Disney is Ruining Me

I spent a long time the other day putting together a post with a bunch of updates and a lot of feelings, hit publish, and went upstairs to sigh myself to sleep (my compromise in not crying myself to sleep). It took me a few days to realize there was a glitch and it hadn't published. Being superstitious, I decided there was a reason. I have abandoned the draft. Maybe I'll go back in a month and look at it and see if it's worth doing anything with. In the meantime, I maintain there must have been a reason it didn't get put out there into the universe.

This post is going to have feelings too, but I'm not all weepy at the moment, so that will probably make all the difference. 

Here are my feelings. I've realized that there are more ... streaks? (I think that's the best way I can describe it) in parenting than I realized there would be. There were those few weeks when Josephine was SO. BLOODY. TIRED. and likely going through a growth spurt and hitting a developmental milestone all at once, and by the time bathtime rolled around, she was the biggest mess ever. 

There was so much screaming, so much crying, tantrums more wild than I had ever witnessed. Bedtime was traumatic for almost a month. Because she used up so much energy at bedtime, she didn't sleep well and then the crabbiness spilled over into the next day, making the next bedtime even worse and perpetuating the cycle. Jeremy and I were feeling shell-shocked. We feared we were handling it all wrong and she would remain possessed for all of her days.

It's during this time that I really have a hard time remembering the two things I personally have found most difficult, parenting-wise (I hope you can guess by me admitting this I am hoping some of you all struggle with the same things). Once the days are filled with more tears and craziness than I can handle, I tend to forget 1) just because my kids are freaking out, it doesn't mean that I have to and 2) my default word doesn't have to be "no."

I know those sound like they should be easy things to remember, and I agree, they should be, but I'm not using this space to defend myself and my parenting. Instead, I'm admitting that when I get really frazzled, I have a hard time keeping a calm voice and not having attitude of my own, and once I start saying "no" so many times, I start having it on autoplay until I snap out of it and realize I just told Josephine "no" to something that was totally acceptable. Since these are things I already have to work on in the "normal" bad days, once we get into a bad streak, it gets so dang hard. I wake up so determined and then the day can be shot within five minutes when Josephine wakes up and has a tantrum with her first breath and follows that up with three more in five minutes. There are only so many times I can calmly and happily ask her to do things before I use a less-than-nice voice.

But then, oh, but then, there are the other streaks. The weeks and weeks of time where I ... this might be even more difficult to admit ... I think things like What are other people complaining about? MY two-year-old is a ANGEL. 

I know. Feel free to stop by and punch me in the face whenever it fits into your schedule.

Anyway, long story short (too late), we are having a bad streak lately, and I know it is because she is so freaking tired even though she is sleeping even more than usual, so I know she is struggling with something else (virus? growth spurt? both? something I don't even know about yet?), and I know it's not her fault, but dang if I have a hard time remembering it when she is shouting at me to leave her alone and darting into traffic because she doesn't want to hold my hand. I love her, but DANG.

And now (here's where the title finally comes into play! And you only had to get through a few thousand words first!) there's an extra dash of drama to contend with. Josephine has developed a fondness for Disney movies. 

Do you even remember how SAD those are? She asked to watch Dumbo the other day and I ended up crying in bed later that night thinking about Dumbo's mom rocking him through the prison bars -- you know, when she couldn't even reach him or see him?? -- and singing "Baby Mine" while I blubbered. She asked to watch Finding Nemo and I found myself thinking about Marlon periodically throughout the week -- the man lost his wife, like a hundred kids, and then the ONE LIVING KID GETS KIDNAPPED. Cut the guy a break already! 

I've done my best to avoid sad movies for years, specifically because I am what you Normals call "overly-sensitive." I cried for a week after watching The Family Stone. I know my limits. I don't even watch commercials on the off-chance something about kids growing up or animals getting abused comes on, so sad movies are OUT. 

But apparently, as demanded by Josie, they're back in. Will the crying ever cease?!?! So, in closing, THANKS A LOT, DISNEY. I DIDN'T NEED THIS. I'M IN A STREAK, AFTER ALL!

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P.S. Two posts up over at Sean Purcell Photography you might be interested in. Neither involve references to crying! This week I talked about Mother's Day gift ideas for the photo-obsessed and last week I talked about Instagram Photo--Day Challenges. Enjoy!

Josephine's Favorite Color

The other day when Josie and I met her new doctor, she was strangely silent. As you may recall, this is the girl who is CUH-RAZY about doctors. In fact, if you ask her who her favorite is, she will shout "Dr. Grace!" (her pediatrician). Favorite in general, not just her favorite doctor. 

Ahem. Yeah. I would rather her answer be mama. Or even daddy (I'm not selfish).

So, it was definitely strange that she wouldn't talk to this doctor. She wasn't scared (she rarely is), she just sat without talking (which is even more rare).

At the beginning of the appointment, the doctor asked her how old she was, and after a prolonged silence, she asked "Ummm, one?" with a tilt of the head. (Later that night when her dad asked her, she confidently shouted "TWO!") Her behavior was just unexpected, that's all. She's such an outgoing, confident girl, and she actually asks to go to the doctor's office once or twice a week and gets upset if I say we can't. 

Near the end of the appointment, the doctor said she liked Josie's purple shirt and told Josie it was her favorite color. She then asked Josie what her favorite color was, and Josie stuck out her tongue! I was confused and embarrassed, so I made a joke about it and asked her again, and she stuck it out again. The appointment ended soon, and I was relieved. 

When I stopped at my mom's house to pick up Genevieve, I told her the story and left the punchline for Josie. I said, "What did you tell the doctor was your favorite color?" and she did it AGAIN! 

My mom and I laughed and laughed, and then I finally asked her why she was sticking out her tongue and she said ... "Because it's my favorite color. Pink!"

You guys. YOU GUYS.

Seriously, this kid. She surprises me every day. 

(Also, it is completely ridiculous that I have a strong desire to call the doctor and explain this whole story to her? Don't answer that. I already know the answer.)

When All I Wanted Was Nothing

For a while, I tried to ignore the symptoms. Maybe they would go away, or maybe I was over-reacting. I've been known to over-react, after all.

I finally got the courage to tell Josie's doctor, hoping against hope that she would say, "Oh, that's no big deal. That's not what you fear it is at all!" 

She didn't. She suggested a specialist. So yesterday Josie saw another specialist.

Like she needed to see another specialist in her short life. 

When I told Jeremy and my mom about the appointment, I said, "No, I'm not worried. In all likelihood, she will say it is what we think it is and we need to investigate and will suggest this test, but it's fine. It's really fine. I'm not worried."

Then I sat and talked to that doctor, and she said, "Yes, it is what you think it is, we should investigate, let's get this test scheduled for next week."

That's when I realized for the two months we spent waiting for this appointment and I was telling everyone one thing, what I REALLY REALLY thought, in my heart of hearts, was that I would get to that office and she would say "Ma'am, you have wasted my time. This child is fine. Take her home and tip my office staff on the way out for wasting their time too." 

And she didn't. And I really wanted her to. And I thought she definitely would. 

But she didn't.

Josie's fine. She's not dying. But we need to run some tests and make some decisions. We'll see if it is a THING or just a thing. 

Right now I'm just mourning the fact that I have to choose between a lower-case thing and and all-caps THING and have lost the opportunity for it to be nothing.


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If you need something a little lighter after that, I have posts up at Sean Purcell Photography about capturing memories and the merits of wedding planners.

And Josie is seriously fine. Sorry about the vagueness, but ... you know.