Still Not Dead. I Swear.

Even though I claimed I wasn't dead six weeks ago in my last post, I bet you thought maybe I was after all. Well, not yet. However, my life has absolutely been turned upside down (and I am typing this with one hand, so cut me some slack).


My beautiful, wonderful, amazing little baby has been having some health problems for the past month and was even hospitalized for a few days. It was the most horrific experience of my life. We still don't have an answer, but at least some of her symptoms have subsided. What we have left is a little girl with bowel problems, some rockin' gas, and is in constant pain and discomfort. So, lots of screaming from her and lots of crying from me because I wish I could make my baby happy and comfortable. We are working on it.


Despite all of that nonsense, and the fact that I still find myself in a doctor's office at least three days a week, there have been so many moments of absolute BLISS since my baby girl arrived.  


She is so beautiful ...

So funny ...

Very expressive ...

And totally sassy.

And while she does not-so-awesome things while I nurse her, like grab a handful of nip with her abnormally strong baby hands and TWIST while she digs her baby talons in, she also does amazingly awesome things like grab one of my fingers and hold it to her face the entire time she's eating.


She also lets me put big headbands and bows on her, so it's good to know she is obedient when it comes to being a well-accessorized baby.

Last night Jeremy and I talked about how we used to wish things for ourselves, and now we only wish things for our little Bean. I don't get wistful thinking about whether or not I will ever get to travel to Europe one day; instead, I get wistful thinking of all the firsts that are in our baby's future, and all the good things I want her to experience and be and do.


Even though I am not sleeping much because my little lady only wants to sleep stretched out on my chest like this:

Although I wish I could take away every single moment of pain she has felt so far in her short life, I wouldn't change anything else for the world. Our little Bean is our whole world now. Showering, eating, blogging, breathing -- none of that is important anymore.  

And I couldn't be happier.