Funny Stuff My Husband Says, Vol. VI

My husband is like the funniest guy on the planet.  So, every once and a while, I salute him.  Like today.  To see all volumes of Funny Stuff My Husband Says, click here.


ALSO, if you did not already know that LiLu, who makes recording her hilarious boyfriend an art, has a whole new blog dedicated to the "Funny Shiz Her Boyfriend Says" ... well, now you do.  Head on over!


SCENE:  Reading One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish to Josephine:


Jeremy:  "Some are sad. And some are glad. And some are very, very bad. Why are they sad and glad and bad? I do not know. Go ask your dad."


*PAUSE*


Jeremy:  [in a whisper] But I'm her dad!


Veronica:  Are you afraid you won't know the answer when she asks you?


Jeremy:  YES!


SCENE:  We are sitting on our bed, staring adoringly at our baby (as usual):


Jeremy:  [reaches down to touch Josephine's face]  Wow, she is warm.


Veronica:  Yeah, she gets hot easily.  I have to be really careful how I dress her.  She seems most comfortable in short sleeves, even though it is getting colder in the house.


Jeremy:  Awesome!  Think of all the money we'll save on coats!

SCENE:  We are watching TV and a lame Arby's commercial comes on.  The guy says "All I really want in life is a little bang for my buck."

Veronica and Jeremy [simultaneously]:  Oh, really?  That's ALL you want? (or something stupid like that.  We are those people who comment on commercials.  I KNOW.)

*PAUSE*

Jeremy:  All I really want in life is a dog that craps hundred dollar bills.

Veronica:  ... Jeremy ... [*half-disgusted/half-amused look*]

*LONG PAUSE*

Jeremy:  Seriously.  That would be pretty awesome.

*LONG PAUSE*

Jeremy:  No, really.  I would be feeding that dog ALL THE TIME.

Veronica:  Seriously?  This is your dream?

Jeremy:  It's not yours?