Insomnia Rant 2.0

GUH! Last night I only slept about two hours, not counting the last 45 minutes that were interrupted every few minutes by a cat crying in my ear and/or licking my face and a dog's tail wagging so hard and fast that it THUMPS THUMPS THUMPS the walls on either side of the bed as she runs back and forth, hoping one of us will pay attention to her. Sigh.

I was feeling good about myself too, and maybe that was the problem. Once I finally buckled down and started grading those papers (and no, I do not wish to discuss what time I actually accomplished this feat of strength), I started getting tired very rapidly. By 1:30 AM, I was thinking that when I crawled into bed, I would fall asleep in no time.

However, my brain merely cackled and said au contraire, mon ami. I alternated between laying in the dark with my eyes closed, watching TV, listening (with my eyes closed) to the soothing voice of Gene Galusha, the narrator of The New Detectives: Cases in Forensic Science (wonderful show! And the narrator's voice is like the soothing waves of the ocean. Sigh ...), and getting so thirsty that I needed to go downstairs to refill my glass of water (Seriously! What am I, five?!?).

And yes, I have tried everything. And I mean EVERYTHING. A few months ago I went off caffeine for a while ... I can't remember how long. I think I blocked the trauma from my memory. Exercise; herbs (only the legal type, I swear!); positive self-talk (I know); and even thinking about puppies, ponies, and rainbows (like my mom used to tell me to do when I was little and couldn't sleep). All to no avail.

I am not actually posting this to get advice. I just want to complain. So, thank you kindly Internet, for letting me blow off a little steam. Now I will go prop myself up and try to look awake while I teach all night! :)