Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Funny Stuff My Husband Says, Vol. VII

My husband is like the funniest guy on the planet.  So, every once and a while, I salute him.  Like today.  To see all volumes of Funny Stuff My Husband Says, click here.


SCENE: WATCHING CONAN MAKE FUN OF THE NEW HARRY POTTER MOVIE
Jeremy:  Ah, yes.  [what sounds like] Elvoldemort.
Veronica:  Elvoldemort?
Jeremy:  L.
Veronica: ...
Jeremy:  Voldemort.
Veronica:  ...
Jeremy:  L. Voldemort.
Veronica:  ...
Jeremy:  Lord Voldemort. 
Veronica:  SIGH.
Jeremy:  Like, H. Potter versus L. Voldemort.
Veronica:  Enough with the H. Potter stuff.  You have been saying it non-stop for weeks, and I think you're doing it just because you know it makes me angry.
Jeremy:  Seriously though.  Do you prefer H. Potter or Harry P.?
Veronica:  Shut up.
Jeremy:  H. Potter it is.

SCENE:  IN BED.  I ACCIDENTALLY FLAIL AND SMACK MY HEAD INTO JEREMY'S, WAKING UP BOTH OF US.
Veronica:  [groggily] Oh, man ... I just hit you ... sorry.  [Falling back to sleep]
Jeremy:  Don't bash your egghead into my skull, egghead!
Veronica:  [Suddenly wide awake]  What the hell did you just say to me?? You better be dream-talking, because that was HARSH!
Jeremy:  Oh, come on.  Egghead?  That is a total compliment!  It means I think you're smart!
Veronica:  Ass.  [Rolls over]
Jeremy:  [whispering]  You're not going to remember this in the morning? ... Are you? 


SCENE: WATCHING The True Story of Thanksgiving ON THE HISTORY CHANNEL
Narrator:  ... so, the Yankees settled the Great Lakes region ...
Jeremy:  You see, Josephine, your family, or "The Yankees" came over many many generations ago and helped settled the Great Lakes region. ALL THIS [waves arms around him in sweeping motion to indicate Michigan] is because of your ancestors.
Josephine:  [stares]
Jeremy:  Well, half of your ancestors anyway.
Veronica:  Thank you for the accuracy.
Jeremy:  Your mother's side of the family was still in Crazyland.
Veronica:  Excuse me?
Jeremy:  You know, The Land of Emotion.
Veronica:  You can't be referring to Italy, can you?
Jeremy:  Yes, yes I can.
Veronica:  [Through clenched teeth] You are SO dead.
Jeremy:  See!  You're proving my point!!

6 comments:

  1. Hahaha..."Land of Emotion"...I need to tell Alan that one.

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  2. You know, I'd argue the last one but...being Italian myself, I know it's true :) We are a little nutty, aren't we! (in a good way, don't call your contacts in the old country on me ;) )

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  3. I LOVE 'funny stuff my husband says' and I was excited to see another volume.

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  4. I have to agree with Jeremy on the Italian thing. Last time I was home, my mother sat me down to explain that I am Italian and thus overly emotional by nature, so I need to tell Tommy to get used to it. Thanks Mom.

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  5. I have to agree with Jeremy on the Italian thing. Last time I was home, my mother sat me down to explain that I am Italian and thus overly emotional by nature, so I need to tell Tommy to get used to it. Thanks Mom.

    ReplyDelete

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