Friday, January 18, 2013

It Was All Warranted. Don't You Agree?

I have a tendency to be overly-polite. No, not on this blog, OF COURSE. Mostly to strangers. Which is usually a good thing, in my opinion, because, well ... why not, right? However, it's not always a good thing, because other than a whole lot of me saying "please," "thank you," and "of course, it's no trouble at all," what it really amounts to is that I don't stick up for myself when I'm being treated poorly. 

Except that one time when we were at a fancy-schmancy event and I was seated pretty close to a buffet line, and a lady decided it was too much trouble to stand in line and leaned up against my back. She started putting so much pressure on me that it felt like she had actually taken a load off and was sitting on me. I freaked a little and said under my breath, "No, please, press your ass a little harder into my back. That's normal," to which she responded (I KNOW), "Oh, sorry," and took a step away. Everyone at the table looked at me in abject horror until I turned, looked at the lady, and said, "OH, ha ha. I wasn't talking about YOU," and then got really interested in my salad.

That went well.

Anywho, I'm not one for resolutions (as you already know), but I would like to start sticking up for myself more. I'll still be very nice to strangers, and I probably won't mention people's asses, but when strangers (and even people I know) say mean things to me, instead of standing there with a smile on my face until I can find a way to change the subject, I would like to stand my ground and let them know I don't care to be spoken to that way.

As an exercise, I thought I'd share a few things that people have said to me recently, to which, in EVERY CASE, I responded "......" 

I would like to insert what my response SHOULD have been in place of awkward silence. This way, when the situation arises again, I will be all practiced and have responses ready in my head. Clever, no?

Okay. Here we go. Remember: All real things people said to me recently. ALL. REAL.

Person in question: Another mom at library story hour
Her: Are you Italian?
Me: Ummm ... yes.
Her: Yeah, I could tell by the arm hair.
Me (revised response): *HEADBUTT*

Person in question: Someone who is not a stranger
Her: God, I don't know how you do it! I could never sit around on the couch all day! I need to be busy, so I could never be a stay-at-home mom!
Me (revised response): *KARATE CHOP TO THE WINDPIPE*

Person in question: Someone who has never met Josephine. Ever. Or knows anything about our finances. At all.
Her: It's really too bad you can't afford day care, because Josephine could really use some socialization, don't you think?
Me (revised response): *KICK TO THE CROTCH*

Person in question: Someone I just met at a work function
Her: So, is your baby sleeping through the night yet?
Me: No. God, no.
Her: Ha! I know, why did I even ask, right? You certainly don't LOOK like you're getting any sleep at night!
Me (revised response): *THROAT PUNCH*

Next up: I try to quell my violent tendencies. 


  1. I just marvel that people say things like this to other people.

    (And I personally don't think your comment to the woman sitting on your back was rude. I mean, wasn't she the one pressing her butt against another person's body?!)

  2. You cheap, lazy, exhausted Italian!!


    Some people are seriously completely oblivious to their rudeness.

  3. Ugh I am the exact SAME way! & later I think of all sorts of clever crap I should have said! The negative to sticking up for myself is that I get all jittery and red in the face, and that really doesn't help my "scare" tactic lol It's my resolution EVERY year =D

  4. recommended responses to each incident:

    1- "you think those are hairy, you should see my ass!" it does not matter if you ass is or is not actually hairy, the odds of someone asking to see are pretty slim.

    2- teach Josie and Genevieve a code word that will cause them to start yelling loudly. hold them close to said not-stranger. Jeremy might be able to help with this, maybe this is when he can unleash the full power of, "sprinkles!"

    3- "it's really more of an effort to keep her away from assholes until she is prepared to deal with them. Which reminds me, it's going to be a little while before she meets you.

    4- stick with the throat punch. maybe precede it with a, "THAT WAS RUDE" or if you want to go old school, "HOW RUDE!"


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