SCENE: My phone rings late at night. And by late, I mean 9:30 PM.
Jeremy: Oh my. It's awfully late for someone to be calling you.
Veronica: I know, right?
Jeremy: Could you maybe tell your boyfriend to stop calling after 9 PM?
Veronica: Sorry. I can't control him.
Jeremy: Couldn't you at least get him to come over and walk this dog?!?!
SCENE: Jeremy reaches over and surreptitiously grabs MY glass of water because his is empty and he doesn't want to go get more.
Veronica: HEY! That's MY water!
Jeremy: Uh, yeah. But you clearly weren't drinking it.
Veronica: Jerk.
[I start responding to an e-mail from a friend]
Jeremy: Oh great. What, are you BLOGGING about me now? "Oh, WAAA, my husband stole my WATER!"
Veronica: *Death stare* [I open a blogger window] I am NOW.
(As reported by Jeremy's Co-worker Loe'l) SCENE: Loe'l and Jeremy are at work
Loe'l: How do you tell someone he isn't funny?
Jeremy: Is it me? Because I can try harder.
SCENE: Facebook status hilarity (sorry it is a little small. Click for larger version).
Do you have him on a leash? My gut is telling me that a leash *may* be warranted. And my gut has never failed me. I'm just sayin.
ReplyDeleteI told Matt that I'm going to do a blog on all the stupid and annoying things that he does that will cause me to lose my mind and murder him in his sleep. He said it can't be worse than the post I did of him raping our cat with the qtip or him eating roadkill. ;)
SAS -- YOUR husband reads your blog?? I was sure he didn't with all the stuff you say about him!! hahaha! My husband *mostly* makes me laugh and not want to strangle him. But we are also newlyweds.
ReplyDeleteHe has a valid point on the walking the dog thing. And could you possibly get your boyfriend to clean the pool or be the gardener? Those are apparently the sexy jobs that boyfriends of married women do.
ReplyDeleteSara -- I know. I really should consider a boyfriend. I have many sexy (and non-sexy jobs) that he could handle for us. I bet it would IMPROVE our marriage!
ReplyDeleteI giggled through the whole thing
ReplyDeleteAren't you pregnant?! And he stole your water?!
ReplyDeleteDooodz, get yourself a boyfriend.
why are there so many Sara(h)s commenting on your shit?
ReplyDeleteon another note, you should post the rest of the comments that followed on Jer-Bear's facebook status so everyone can see that he gets his hilariousness from the Joneses.
Ha! My husband always regrets saying stuff because he knows I'm going to post it on my blog. lol
ReplyDeleteV -- I am very popular with the Sara(h)s. That's why.
ReplyDeleteSara -- I know. I really should consider a boyfriend. I have many sexy (and non-sexy jobs) that he could handle for us. I bet it would IMPROVE our marriage!
ReplyDelete