So, remember how BP sucks and is lame and stupid and they continue to dump oil into the Gulf of Mexico day after day? I knew you would. And remember how they had that stupid dome idea (that would result in 5% of the oil spilling from the valve sneaking out of the dome ANYWAY -- by conservative estimates)? You know how oil is BAD for ocean life and people life and other life? Since BP cannot fix the problem, an awesome company in California is working on it.
Now, this idea is bloody fantastic. I bet none of you would have thought of it. I, incidentally, thought of it 6 years ago, but this company just beat me to the punch is all. Okay, the awesome way they get oil out of the water?
HUMAN HAIR IN NYLONS. Yup. A Matter of Trust collects all those hair trimmings that salons sweep up off their floors and throw away, accept donated nylons, shove the nylons full of hair, and make big long sausage-like contraptions that they float in the water. The waves go in oily and come out clean because the hair collects the oil.
Brilliant. Amazing. Strange, but amazing.
They are currently working on a huge blitz to get new donors, and they have had more volunteers sign up in the 72 hours after the oil spill than in the previous SIX YEARS they have been running the business. Sometimes people are good.
The only problem they were facing was the fact that they didn't have enough nylons to keep up with all the hair they were receiving. I mean, who wears nylons anymore? Not me (sorry mom). So they announced the need for nylons, and guess who showed up? The transvestite community surrounding the San Fransisco home base of the company. Bravo, ladies. Most people in this country treat you like crap, but you are willing to help them all out. I love transvestites even more now. I do worry about the quality of the drag shows in the near future, however, but let's not be selfish here, people. We can deal with hairy legs if it means the ocean can get all cleaned up, right?
Anyway, the bottom line is, this is awesome and weird and interesting all at the same time, and you should ask your own salon if they are part of this program. If not, they can go to http://www.matteroftrust.org/index.html to get information on donations. If you can't take time off work to go south and clean up the oil yourself, you can make a quick phone call to your salon to help.
Your reward will be imagining the bags of hair shaped like sausages floating around the Gulf of Mexico ...
UPDATE: I lost a follower after publishing this post. I have narrowed it down to a few possible reasons:
1. Said reader hates sausage (But *I* hate sausage, too!! It's in the title!)
2. Said reader LIKES the oil spill (Perhaps he/she has dry skin and was hoping to use it for therapeautic purposes.)
3. Said reader hates transvestites (Well, that is a crying shame, because they are lovely and dedicated. Have you ever seen a biological women put so much energy into her appearance? I have not.)
4. I suck (Lord knows, THIS could not be the truth. I feel silly for even mentioning it.)
So, my money is on #2, and I feel I must step in: PLEASE, DEAR FORMER READER, DO NOT USE THE OIL SPILL AS A BEAUTY TREATMENT! IT DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY!
I did what I could. Now you can never say I don't care.