What? You don't care what my mixed breed dog is made of? Well, guess what? It's MY freakin' blog, and it is RESULTS DAY!
She looks wary. Maybe she isn't ready to learn who her daddy is?
Too bad, because *I* am. We already knew that the test had a swab that we used to get cells from the inside of her cheeks, just like a human DNA test, but then we read the instructions, and we needed to get TWO swabs and those swabs had to be rubbed inside her mouth for TEN SECONDS EACH with one hand pressing on the outside of her cheek to get pressure and ensure lots of cells rubbed off onto the swab.
Guess what dogs don't like? Yeah, someone shoving a huge q-tip in their mouth and rubbing it around for extended periods of time.
We have a super good dog, so she put up with it ...
"Woman, this just ain't right."
... for the first 18 seconds that is. When we had two seconds of rubbing left (twss), she stopped playing along.
I decided DNA was more important than the comfort of my dog, so headlocks ensued. Also, you get a bonus boob shot. YOU'RE WELCOME.
In the end, I persevered over a squirmy dog:
We waited patiently for like a bazillion years (or two and a half weeks) and then we got the results in a large, important looking envelope in the mail. Just like I got when I was trying to determine the father of MY baby ... that might be a better story for later. And Jeremy, if you're reading this, just ignore that part.
We knew that Cleo was predominantly a black lab, but with ears like this ...
and a tail like this ...
and a huge mane around her neck like this ...
and the fact that she weighs about 40 pounds less than a pure bred lab, we were excited. And now we know. Hold onto your panties.
(duh, Black Labrador Retriever)
(and ENGLISH SPRINGER SPANIEL!)
Okay, I think this conclusion is fascinating enough, but I have the feeling that some of you will not be all that interested. So, I will ALSO reveal the REAL FATHER OF MY UNBORN CHILD!!!!
Robert Downey, Jr., you ... ARE the father (Shouts and cheers from the Maury crowd. Robert and I embrace.)
She's gonna be so beautiful ...