Sexy Time in the News: A New Use for Scissors

People have their own little rituals.  I, for example, have a very specific order in which I use my shower products: 1.  Shampoo, 2.  Conditioner, 3. Shaving products, 4.  Body wash, 5.  Rinse conditioner, 6.  Face Wash.  If I deviate, then I am UNCLEAN and must start over.  Not really, but I get all mad at myself and the day is ruined before it starts.


People have post-coitus rituals as well.  Snuggling, eating, sleeping, stabbing.  You know, the usual.


Yeah, some people stab.  Michelle Thomas, 26, a Texas resident, was not satisfied with a sexual experience provided by her common-law husband on May 4th.  Instead of the silent treatment, she went for the scissors treatment, and began stabbing the crap out of him.  


That must have been one HECK of a disappointing sexual encounter.  I mean, I say I am feeling stabby all the time, but I have yet to cross that threshold into BEING stabby.  And I have never felt stabby after sex.  Maybe I'm just lucky.


Anyway, here are the two best parts:


1.  He refused to press charges.
2.  THIS is her mug shot:

Would you be grinning like that after stabbing your sexually-inadequate common-law husband?  Wait.  Don't answer that question.


At least now I know what neighborhood kid's parents are doing instead of watching him and teaching him about stranger danger.