Monday, July 12, 2010

Choose Your Own Adventure. But Not Really. But Kind of ...

So, I was in the Burger King drive-thru (SHUT UP, healthy pregnant ladies!!!!) because it turns out the baby prefers fast food to anything healthy, and I had me a little "moment."

I was waiting patiently for my food and to scratch off the "Edward" to see if I won a prize, and I heard the guy behind shout his order at the top of his lungs (probably not necessary) in a mean, bark-y voice.  I very clearly heard him shout "I need three whoppers, two small fries, and two small cokes!!" and the drive-thru girl respond, "Okay, three whoppers, two small fries, and two small cokes?  Is this correct?"  What does this filthy hick shout back at her?  Not "Thanks for dealing with my rude, really fast order!" but, "Are you serious?!?!?  That is NOT what I said at all!!!  Can you give me what I actually ordered the first time, which is one whopper, one large fry, and two large cokes?!?!  Or is that too much to ask?  How hard is it to actually do your job??  JESUS!!"

Okay, it turns out I get the rage pretty easily, especially when it comes to rude strangers.  Whether they are cutting me off, being rude to people in the service industry, or getting in my way so I can't get to gettin', rude strangers really get my blood boiling.  So I did the only natural thing:  I shouted out my window, "Her job isn't that hard if you don't change your order and scream at her!!!!!!"

Then I threw open my car door, ran back to his car, karate chopped him in the neck to disable him, and grabbed his windpipe.  I forced him to apologize to the drive-thru girl and then apologize to me for existing, then got back in my car, got my chicken sandwich, and drove away.

Well, not really, but that was my one and only dream in that moment.

What really happened is after I screamed out the window and realized that I had shouted at two dirty, rude hillbillies and I was trapped behind another car and couldn't drive off and escape if they decided to kill me, I got a TAD nervous.  A dozen scenarios flashed through my mind involving them whipping out their Confederate flags and shotguns and running toward my car letting loose war whoops. 

But after a minute, I realized ... there was no reaction from them at all.  That means they either ignored me or didn't hear me.  And here comes the big dilemma:  Even though I had just realized how foolish it was for me to shout out the window and risk death or maiming, I REALLY thought I should yell AGAIN, because if they didn't hear me, then how would they ever learn?

Just then I was handed my delicious fast food, and my decision was made for me -- drive off into the sunset and just assume they didn't react because they were busy doing some soul-searching and realizing they should change their ways and apologize to every person they had ever wronged.  

Why did I share this story?  I have no idea.  But I have a  few possible morals you could glean from it, like a Choose Your Own Adventure book (how much did you love those?):

1.  If you are a horrible person who is rude to strangers and thinks of no one but yourself, there are people out there like ME, who want nothing more than to hold your head under water.  Keep that in mind.

2.  It is seriously not that hard to be polite to strangers, and especially people who have to deal with people all day, like servers and fast food workers.  Not hard at all.

3.  Maybe you shouldn't yell at people out of your car window when you are trapped and can't drive away.  Because I bet there are people who would hurt or kill you, even if you are eight months pregnant.

4.  Or maybe you should ALWAYS yell admonishments out your car window.  Especially at people who clearly don't know how to drive, because maybe they just never KNEW they were doing it all wrong, and in that case you are giving them an important life lesson, and they would probably thank you and send you a muffin basket if they had your address.  

Well, now I'm confused.  And maybe you are too.  But just take comfort in the knowledge that I DID get my food and devoured it and then felt fantastic at work because of the amazing magical power that crappy food provides me when I am oh-so-pregnant. 


  1. I'd go with Option 4. Totally fair.

  2. Thank you for your kindness to those poor people working in the food industry. I used to wait tables (in fact, it paid most of my college tuition), and I have some stories that people who have never waited tables just can't believe. It's amazing how some people act in public. Thanks for sticking up for us :)

  3. I happen to know several of those 'hillbillies', being related to one in particular (father), and I can assure you, while it may not seem like it, it is extremely embarrassing to those around the one yelling. I can't stand leaving the house with him because he acts like such a fool. It's terrible, and I've apologized to the workers when he left before because I knew he'd just be an ass to them again when he got back.

    Anyway, they probably didn't hear you, hillbillies have great selective hearing. But thank you for trying anyway - those of us who don't act like that greatly appreciate your effort.

  4. I think it's okay to yell admonishments out your car window, cause really, nobody's gonna hurt a pregnant lady. This is your time, lady. Make it count. Go big.

  5. Sara -- Yeah, I like that option myself.

    Lisa -- I KNOW! I was never a waitress, but worked at Starbucks and Sam's Club. YUCK! People are so stinkin' rude and horrible to strangers it drives me crazy!!

    lilliebean -- Selective hearing. Love it. Why didn't I think of that?? Sorry about your hillbilly relatives ... I have some of my own. The Michigan version is quite ... interesting?

    Steamy -- Thanks. I will tell my husband you said that, because he keeps freaking out that I am going to get myself killed. He's such a baby sometimes.


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