Dear Celeste

To:  courtclerk@gmail.com
From:  veronica@gmail.com
Subject:  It's me again! :)


Celeste,


Hey, it's me again! I know, I know, I already sent you a bunch of e-mails begging to get out of jury duty, and I totally get it. As you put it, I "must be present or will be held in contempt of court and arrested." You guys are so serious over there at the courthouse.  


Now that I have made peace with the fact that I have to show up (unless you change your mind! j/k!), I was reading the information you sent me and had a few questions.  


1)  I was reading all the rules about the dress code, and since you are so specific about how I should dress for jury duty, I am assuming that you have a clothing allowance. Is it too late for me to get that? I know I'm summoned for tomorrow, but I'm sure I can get some shopping done tonight. How late is the courthouse open? And if you want, I can also go directly to your house if your work day is already over.  


2)  Since you said not having day care for my child is not an acceptable reason to be excused from jury duty, I am assuming that there is either day care available at the courthouse or I can bring my daughter with me. This is all great news, because I was not making up the fact that I do not have child care for her. Don't worry, she is very well-behaved. My question is, what do I need to bring for her? Can I keep her strapped to me in a Baby Bjorn or will there be room for her stroller in the jury box? Maybe I can get the handicapped seat in the box?  


That's it for now. See you tomorrow! Can't wait to finally meet in person!


Veronica Dimick




To:  veronica@gmail.com
From:  courtclerk@gmail.com
Subject:  Re: It's me again! :)


Ms. Dimick,


There is no clothing allowance for jury duty.


There is no child care available and your child is not to be on the premises.


You are still required to appear tomorrow at 8 AM.


Celeste
Court Clerk

To:  courtclerk@gmail.com

From:  veronica@gmail.com

Subject:  Re: re: It's me again! :)

Celeste,


No clothing allowance?? I have never heard of someone having a specific dress code and then not giving people some assistance in obtaining those specific clothes. I am unsure if I will be able to meet the strict guidelines with my present wardrobe.


And, I SERIOUSLY can't bring my daughter? Maybe I should have mentioned this before -- she is REALLY cute. And her name is Josie. Isn't that adorable? And seriously, whenever we go out in public, EVERYONE says she is the cutest baby ever. How about I just bring her? I think you will love her.


Thanks!


Veronica

To:  veronica@gmail.com

From:  courtclerk@gmail.com

Subject:  Re: re: re: It's me again! :)

Ms. Dimick,


The court dress code is fairly reasonable, so I believe it should not be an issue for you to comply. The two main things we ask of you is to not wear jeans and not wear shirts with vulgar wording.


Once again, your child should not be on the premises while you are appearing for jury duty.


Thank you for your attention in these matters.


Celeste
Court Clerk

To:  courtclerk@gmail.com

From:  veronica@gmail.com

Subject:  Re: re: re: re: It's me again! :)

Celeste,


Right. That is a slightly harsh dress code. Maybe I can borrow some clothes from my neighbor? Except she wears a size 2, and I well ... I wear a much larger size. You get me, right? Not to say that I think YOU are overweight, because how could I get that from your e-mails? I am sure you are thin. Thin and lithe. And beautiful. But if you're not thin, that's totally awesome, too. I bet it suits you. Yeah, I am imagining you curvy. I like it.


In regards to Josie: I have a new plan. How about I just bring her, assuming everyone will love her and she will be a doll, BUT if the judge doesn't want her in the courtroom (but we know this would never happen!), she could just stay with YOU at your desk or office or cubicle of whatever it is you're rocking, because I know you Celeste -- you're gonna LOVE her.


Smooches,


V

To:  veronica@gmail.com

From:  courtclerk@gmail.com

Subject:  Re: re: re: re: re: It's me again! :)

Ms. Dimick,


I am starting to suspect that you are sending these e-mails just to annoy me enough so I excuse you from jury duty.  


You will not be excused from jury duty. You must appear on the day summoned or you will be held in contempt of court. Do not bring your child or you will be turned away from the courthouse.


Celeste
Court Clerk

To:  courtclerk@gmail.com

From:  veronica@gmail.com

Subject:  Re: re: re: re: re: re: It's me again! :)

Celeste! It's like you don't even know me! I would NEVER do that.  If I wanted to get out of jury duty, I would just bring my pet monkey with me. Just kidding! My pet monkey is agoraphobic and can't leave the house.


I am just being thorough, because that is the kind of person I am, and you will totally know that about me once we meet and you get to see the real ME, not just the e-mail me.


I love you.


Veronica 

To:  veronica@gmail.com

From:  courtclerk@gmail.com

Subject:  Friend Request?

Did you seriously just send me a friend request on facebook?  

This behavior is absolutely inappropriate, and, to be honest, very disconcerting.

Please do not contact me again.

Celeste

To:  courtclerk@gmail.com

From:  veronica@ gmail.com

Subject:  Re: Friend Request?

Celeste,

YES I sent you a friend request! I feel like not only are we friends now, but we could totally be besties. Just think of all the things we have been through already! Me trying to get out of jury duty, me asking about the clothing allowance, you talking about how much you are going to love baby Josie when I bring her to court tomorrow, you joking around and telling me I will get arrested, me telling that joke about my pet monkey -- good times! I can just imagine us, twenty years from now, rocking in rocking chairs on my porch, sipping sangria (or white wine spritzers, whatever you prefer), and laughing about how random it was for such best friends to meet over e-mail regarding jury duty! Oh, how we'll laugh!

I think I'm even going to name my next monkey Celeste (I'm pretty sure my monkey is pregnant.  Fingers crossed!).

XOXO,

Veronica

To:  veronica@gmail.com

From:  administrator@gmail.com

Subject:  Delivery Failure

Veronica,

You are being sent this message to advise you all e-mails sent to the address courtclerk@gmail.com from the address veronica@gmail.com have been blocked.

If you have any questions, please contact Google customer service.

Gmail Administrator

Making An Effort Monday

In an effort to make more of the things I love -- good food, pretty things, and organized spaces -- I bring you Making An Effort Monday!

Wanna know what my effort is RIGHT NOW?  It's a big one.  JURY DUTY.  Yes, standing in line, sitting and waiting, being in VERY close proximity to what the clerk called "the biggest group we've ever had!"  "There aren't even enough chairs for everyone!" she chirps, and smiles, like this is the greatest day in the history of local government.  Spare me.


I'm also sitting by a window while typing this, freezing my bajingo off, AND my coffee is already gone and it's not even 9 AM.


So, that is the effort at hand.  My effort earlier this week was a new recipe.  It did NOT go well.  It went so terribly that I didn't even take a picture.  You didn't want to see that mess.


At Jeremy's request, I made a breakfast skillet, a recipe I have had sitting around for a long time and never tried.  It's also not that original or anything.


Here is the recipe:


6 cups frozen cubed hash browns
1/2 chopped onion (I skipped this because I was rushing and Jeremy makes faces when I tell him onions are involved in a recipe, and that just isn't worth the hassle sometimes)
1 chopped green pepper (I skipped this too, because I cannot eat these ever since being pregnant.  Sad face.) 
6 pieces of bacon (I used turkey bacon)
6 eggs
1/2 cup shredded sharp cheddar
1 Tablespoon vegetable oil (I used Smart Balance)


1.  Cook bacon, crumble, and set aside.
2.  Saute the onions and peppers.  Add the hash browns and cook until tender and browned.
3.  Make six "wells" in the cooked hash browns and crack eggs into wells.  Cook about 8-10 minutes, or until eggs are set.
4.  Sprinkle with bacon and cheese. 


Okay, first of all, my skillet is probably too small for this recipe, so I had lots of troubles.  THEN, I cooked those dang eggs for 10 minutes and only the bottom are cooked, so I had to flip them over and cook the other side, and by that time the bottom was a little more cooked than I think was ideal.  Sigh.  Jeremy said it was fine, but I put tons of hot sauce and jalapeños on mine to trick my brain into thinking I was eating something palatable.


Oh well, live and learn.


Veronica's final rating:  1.5 out of 5 stars.  If I had a bigger skillet and figured out the egg problem, I might consider making this for a "special breakfast." 


I have to go.  They are showing clips from Twelve Angry Men and chanting their catchphrase, "Jury Duty: It isn't fair if you're not there!"  You know I don't want to miss THAT.  


XOXO,


Angry Veronica

Etsy Saturdays: XVIII

In support of the handmade revolution, I bring you Etsy Saturdays!  I will highlight a fun new shop every week, and I hope you will stop over to see their merchandise or find something else you love while you're there.  To see all Etsy Saturdays, click here.

*I have not been compensated in any way for this post*

Before we learned we were having a little girl, I thought if we had a boy I might do something with robots in his nursery.  I still love the idea, and every once in a while, I look for cute robot prints, and the other day I found some real winners!  I adore the robots over at Illustration + Paper Goods by Stephanie Fizer Coleman, and everything else there is great as well!  All of these prints are perfect for any child's room or playroom.  

Orange Robot 5x7 Print, $10

Blue Robot 5x7 Print, $10

ABC 11x14 Print, $38

Counting Kokeshi Dolls 11x14 Print, $38

Happy browsing!

Funny Stuff My Husband Says, Vol. X: Recurring Utterances

My husband is like the funniest guy on the planet.  So, every once and a while, I salute him.  Like today.  To see all volumes of Funny Stuff My Husband Says, click here.

There are a few things that Jeremy has been saying over and over again lately.  Let me tell you about them ...


Whenever Jeremy tells me about something "bad" MoJo does and I say something like "He didn't mean it" or "He's just a cat," Jeremy then retorts:
"You defend that cat like he split the atom!"


Whenever the cat or dog get too close to Jeremy's legs when he is walking or going up or down the stairs (because he is convinced they are trying to trip him on purpose), he shouts:
"Sabotage!"


Whenever I ask Jeremy to change Josephine's diaper and he gets upstairs to find poop, he yells at me:
"You set me up!"


Apparently, Jeremy ranks the animals in accordance with their behavior ...


Whenever the cat does something Jeremy likes, he turns to Cleo and says:
"Watch out, Cleo, you're slipping to #2."


Whenever the cat does something Jeremy doesn't like, he says:
"See MoJo, this is why you're #2." 

Oh, Sammy W. We're all Winners When I Get to Shop.

Have you ever had a moral dilemma about spending a gift card?  Yeah, me neither, because, hello -- FREE MONEY.  That is, until my mom gave me a gift card to Wal-Mart.


DUM DUM DUM!


Yes, the dreaded Wal-Mart.  No matter how you feel about Wal-Mart, you have undoubtedly heard about the evil corporate policies that destroy lives all over the world (not that I'm taking sides or anything), and some obviously shop there to enjoy savings and convenience while others would rather stew in a pot of lava than shop there (you'll never guess to which group I belong).


So, yeah, we don't shop at Wal-Mart, but when my mom gave me this gift card that she had also gotten for free from someone, I realized that the thing I thought was the worst option -- going to Wal-Mart and buying things -- was actually what I MUST do.


Let me break it down for you:  Someone had already spent $25 at Wal-Mart to buy that gift card, but had gotten nothing in return.  Therefore, if someone received that gift card and never used it (as is often the case), then ... WAL-MART WINS.  And what do I NOT want?  That's right, a winning Wal-Mart.


But of course, as I pulled into the parking lot the other day and saw the sprawling building next to its sister-building, Sam's Club, I realized there was a whole other layer to this onion of a Wal-Mart problem.  Sigh.  Some of you might already know that I met my amazing, wonderful, fantastic husband while we were both working at ... Sam's Club.  A division of Wal-Mart.  Oh, the horrors.  And yes, it was just as horrible as you might imagine, as I was a cashier at a place that tricks people into filling their carts with things that weigh 50 pounds on average, but that's a whole different post.  Let's not dwell.  


The existential crisis looming in front of me was that if I had not been so hard-up for a job 10 years ago, I would not have applied at Sam's Club and I NEVER WOULD HAVE MET MY HUSBAND, THE LOVE OF MY LIFE WHO GAVE ME MY BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER!!!  Sam Walton ... gave me the best thing in my life??  *mind blowing*

Alright, I guess in we go.  Side note:  I brought my camera hoping to catch some beauties like these, but I got too scared to take pictures of people.  And do you have any idea what kind of strange looks you get taking a picture of the building you're about to walk into?  I'M the strange one?  This day is taking a real turn.


Going to Wal-Mart was DEFINITELY the way to go, because had we not gone, we would have missed out on the awesomeness that is Wal-Mart, like their MASSIVE selection of children's books ...

(Bible stories and coloring books?  Wal-Mart knows how to appeal to the masses)

The wide array of toys for children under 24-months old ...

(my head is spinning with all the choices!)

The wildlife ...

(I don't care who you are -- a bug AND a glass diffuser bottle for only $2.00?  That's a straight-up deal, y'all.)

And what I can only imagine is a doll you buy for your daughter to make her feel better after she cuts her own hair and has to go to school looking like a street urchin ...

(I don't want to be a little mommy to this kid!)

Wait, but WAIT!  Here's the best part:  When I got home, I looked in the bottom of my bag and found THIS:

Yup!  Gotcha, Wal-Mart!  You PAID me to take these things home with me:

bath-time safety!

bath-time fun!

the only socks that stay on my baby's feet!

Who's the winner now, big W?