Dear Celeste

To:  courtclerk@gmail.com
From:  veronica@gmail.com
Subject:  It's me again! :)


Celeste,


Hey, it's me again! I know, I know, I already sent you a bunch of e-mails begging to get out of jury duty, and I totally get it. As you put it, I "must be present or will be held in contempt of court and arrested." You guys are so serious over there at the courthouse.  


Now that I have made peace with the fact that I have to show up (unless you change your mind! j/k!), I was reading the information you sent me and had a few questions.  


1)  I was reading all the rules about the dress code, and since you are so specific about how I should dress for jury duty, I am assuming that you have a clothing allowance. Is it too late for me to get that? I know I'm summoned for tomorrow, but I'm sure I can get some shopping done tonight. How late is the courthouse open? And if you want, I can also go directly to your house if your work day is already over.  


2)  Since you said not having day care for my child is not an acceptable reason to be excused from jury duty, I am assuming that there is either day care available at the courthouse or I can bring my daughter with me. This is all great news, because I was not making up the fact that I do not have child care for her. Don't worry, she is very well-behaved. My question is, what do I need to bring for her? Can I keep her strapped to me in a Baby Bjorn or will there be room for her stroller in the jury box? Maybe I can get the handicapped seat in the box?  


That's it for now. See you tomorrow! Can't wait to finally meet in person!


Veronica Dimick




To:  veronica@gmail.com
From:  courtclerk@gmail.com
Subject:  Re: It's me again! :)


Ms. Dimick,


There is no clothing allowance for jury duty.


There is no child care available and your child is not to be on the premises.


You are still required to appear tomorrow at 8 AM.


Celeste
Court Clerk

To:  courtclerk@gmail.com

From:  veronica@gmail.com

Subject:  Re: re: It's me again! :)

Celeste,


No clothing allowance?? I have never heard of someone having a specific dress code and then not giving people some assistance in obtaining those specific clothes. I am unsure if I will be able to meet the strict guidelines with my present wardrobe.


And, I SERIOUSLY can't bring my daughter? Maybe I should have mentioned this before -- she is REALLY cute. And her name is Josie. Isn't that adorable? And seriously, whenever we go out in public, EVERYONE says she is the cutest baby ever. How about I just bring her? I think you will love her.


Thanks!


Veronica

To:  veronica@gmail.com

From:  courtclerk@gmail.com

Subject:  Re: re: re: It's me again! :)

Ms. Dimick,


The court dress code is fairly reasonable, so I believe it should not be an issue for you to comply. The two main things we ask of you is to not wear jeans and not wear shirts with vulgar wording.


Once again, your child should not be on the premises while you are appearing for jury duty.


Thank you for your attention in these matters.


Celeste
Court Clerk

To:  courtclerk@gmail.com

From:  veronica@gmail.com

Subject:  Re: re: re: re: It's me again! :)

Celeste,


Right. That is a slightly harsh dress code. Maybe I can borrow some clothes from my neighbor? Except she wears a size 2, and I well ... I wear a much larger size. You get me, right? Not to say that I think YOU are overweight, because how could I get that from your e-mails? I am sure you are thin. Thin and lithe. And beautiful. But if you're not thin, that's totally awesome, too. I bet it suits you. Yeah, I am imagining you curvy. I like it.


In regards to Josie: I have a new plan. How about I just bring her, assuming everyone will love her and she will be a doll, BUT if the judge doesn't want her in the courtroom (but we know this would never happen!), she could just stay with YOU at your desk or office or cubicle of whatever it is you're rocking, because I know you Celeste -- you're gonna LOVE her.


Smooches,


V

To:  veronica@gmail.com

From:  courtclerk@gmail.com

Subject:  Re: re: re: re: re: It's me again! :)

Ms. Dimick,


I am starting to suspect that you are sending these e-mails just to annoy me enough so I excuse you from jury duty.  


You will not be excused from jury duty. You must appear on the day summoned or you will be held in contempt of court. Do not bring your child or you will be turned away from the courthouse.


Celeste
Court Clerk

To:  courtclerk@gmail.com

From:  veronica@gmail.com

Subject:  Re: re: re: re: re: re: It's me again! :)

Celeste! It's like you don't even know me! I would NEVER do that.  If I wanted to get out of jury duty, I would just bring my pet monkey with me. Just kidding! My pet monkey is agoraphobic and can't leave the house.


I am just being thorough, because that is the kind of person I am, and you will totally know that about me once we meet and you get to see the real ME, not just the e-mail me.


I love you.


Veronica 

To:  veronica@gmail.com

From:  courtclerk@gmail.com

Subject:  Friend Request?

Did you seriously just send me a friend request on facebook?  

This behavior is absolutely inappropriate, and, to be honest, very disconcerting.

Please do not contact me again.

Celeste

To:  courtclerk@gmail.com

From:  veronica@ gmail.com

Subject:  Re: Friend Request?

Celeste,

YES I sent you a friend request! I feel like not only are we friends now, but we could totally be besties. Just think of all the things we have been through already! Me trying to get out of jury duty, me asking about the clothing allowance, you talking about how much you are going to love baby Josie when I bring her to court tomorrow, you joking around and telling me I will get arrested, me telling that joke about my pet monkey -- good times! I can just imagine us, twenty years from now, rocking in rocking chairs on my porch, sipping sangria (or white wine spritzers, whatever you prefer), and laughing about how random it was for such best friends to meet over e-mail regarding jury duty! Oh, how we'll laugh!

I think I'm even going to name my next monkey Celeste (I'm pretty sure my monkey is pregnant.  Fingers crossed!).

XOXO,

Veronica

To:  veronica@gmail.com

From:  administrator@gmail.com

Subject:  Delivery Failure

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