Friday, October 8, 2010

Factoids: Fart Edition

Due to the overwhelming positive response to my claim that I am, quite possibly, the new Internet fart expert (three comments is an overwhelming positive response, right?  Right?), I thought I should take my "PhD farts" more seriously and regale you with all that is flatulence.  Perhaps my husband's penchant for "bathroom humor" has desensitized me, because I never really talked about farts too much until that one post.  Man, this is a big day.  Breaking down walls and whatnot.  

Plus, I wrote another "Factoids" post 58 bazillion years ago thinking I could make it a regular feature, and look at that.  Here we are.  Full circle.  Two editions = regular feature.  Look it up.

Put on your learning caps, folks.

The word "fart" comes from the Old English word "feortan," and is likely echoic in origin, meaning the word was chosen to sound like the object named.

The major components of a fart are Nitrogen, Hydrogen, Carbon Dioxide, Oxygen, and (sometimes) Methane.

There are two kinds of farters: Producers and Non-producers.  Only about 2/3 of people produce Methane in their gas.  If both parents are producers, their offspring has a 95% chance of being a producer.

Contrary to popular belief in the elementary-school crowd, a fart is not just a burp that comes out the other end.  A burp not only emerges from the stomach, but has a different chemical composition than a fart.  Farts have less atmospheric gas content and more bacterial gas content than burps.

 Farts have been clocked at a speed of 10 feet per second. 

Termite farts (which contain massive amounts of methane) are believed to be major contributors to global warming.

Farting up in space would propel you forward.

Cats and dogs (and people on the Atkins diet) produce extra-rank farts because of their protein-rich diets.  Protein contains a lot of sulfur, which fuels the pungent fires.

A person produces about half a liter of farts a day. 

Ben Franklin wrote an essay called "Fart Proudly" to mock academic societies in Europe.

Founding Father.  Author.  Inventor.  Fart Aficionado.

And finally, last but not least ...

Available for purchase: Farty Pants underwear.  Designed to mask the smell of flatulence (and, clearly, to discourage intimacy)

I'm too sexy for my underwear with the activated carbon filter covering my butthole

(Get it?  The END?  See images above.)


  1. oh good lord.
    this totally made my day.
    thank you.

  2. This is so gross. And yet so funny.

  3. half a liter, you say?
    I think Dan is up to 1.5. maybe I should get him some of those fart dampening underpants...

  4. I laughed so hard I cried...mostly for two reasons:
    a)picturing a space walk fueled by farts is hilarious (in my brain it was like a Looney Tunes montage complete with classical music)
    b)my coworker (male) got a pair of those boxers from his wife for Christmas (as a gag, of course....we think)

    Also, termite farts? Who knew! Fascinating!!

  5. oh good lord.
    this totally made my day.
    thank you.


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