Friday, May 20, 2011

May 21st: Save the Date!

Oh yeah, by the way, did you hear judgement day is happening this Saturday? True story. And the guy who used a very sophisticated method to discover this MUST be right, because he has had a lot of practice, what with his published book 1994? about how the world would end in 1994 being such a big success (I couldn't make this stuff up, people).

So, there will be earthquakes all over the world, and the "unsaved" will be tortured until October 21st when the universe officially ends. Bummer.

The worst part is, there were SOOOO many things left on my life list, and so little time to do it all. Never fear, dear readers! I did a marathon "life list" de-cluttering session (I flat-out REFUSE to call it a bucket list. And don't you DARE say "Get busy livin' or get busy dyin' when you read this! I implore you!). 

Now, I couldn't manage everything, seeing as I only started three days ago, but I accomplished a considerable amount. Here is the evidence:

Become fluent in Italian. I had two years of Italian classes when I was at the University of Michigan, so I had the basics, but it has been a long time since I flexed the old muscles. Good thing I am AWESOME and my brain is like a sponge. DONE. Oh, and I highly recommend THIS book. Tee hee.

Write my memoirs. That was INTENSE, y'all. I'm really happy with the cover art, though.

Oh, I threw in a novel while I was at it. My real goal was to write a best-selling novel, but I don't really have much time to measure its success. So far, it's sold 200,000 copies. Is that good for two days?

Climb Mount Everest. Here I am coming back down, pumping my fists in victory. God, I didn't even break a sweat. I feel bad about leaving my sherpa behind, but he was slowing me down, and I only had a few days to get shit done!

Run with the bulls.  I asked Jeremy to take a wide shot so you could see the bulls, too, but he said I was way too pretty to not take a close-up.  Oh, that guy.

Donate money to have a Children's Hospital named after me. Now, this was really important to me. Thankfully, when I asked Jeremy if we had a few mill lying around, he said, "No sweat, my pet. That's totally in our monthly budget." BOOM. Hospital. The outside is a little plain, as you can see, but man, you should see the inside!

I mean, it will all get burned up tomorrow, but the satisfaction will be mine for all of eternity.  

I can just see it now, me and the big guy, sitting around and chit-chatting about our pasts. I'll say to him, "It's a fine place you've got here," and he'll say, "So glad you like it, Veronica. Say, I heard around the water cooler that there was a Veronica Marcetti Dimick Children's Hospital? Bravo!"

"Grazie. That means 'thank you' in Italian. Did you now I was fluent? And I hate to be a stickler, but since I am a woman, it would be 'Brava,' but thanks for the sentiment. Your heart was in the right place."

"Wow, I can see why you ended up here, and not you-know-where. How are you enjoying yourself?" he will say.

"Oh, man, I LOVE it here. You know, I have always been a cold person, so this place is the bee's-freakin'-KNEES, dude! I hate harps, anyway!" I'll laugh.

"Don't we all?  Don't we all?" Satan will laugh.

Then he'll put his arm around me and we'll saunter off into the sunset.

Aaaaaaannnnnnnnddddddd SCENE.


  1. Damnn that's some fine cover art. :)

    HAHAHA HA HA! You always make me laugh.

  2. Look at all the stuff!

    Thankfully God wasn't totally inconsiderate and put off the end for awhile.

    Now we won't have to miss all your stuff.

  3. I always judge books (and people) by their covers. And those? Look like books I'd totally want to read.

  4. Ed -- Yeah, that was pretty anti-climactic, what with the world still being here and all ...

    alonewithcats -- Thanks, sweet lady. ;)

  5. I always judge books (and people) by their covers. And those? Look like books I'd totally want to read.


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