This House is (Not) Clean. Send Me That Little Lady, Cuz I Obviously Need Her.

There's evil in this house. That evil is ... cutting five teeth on the same day. I don't even know how to being to explain this evil to you, that's how powerful it is. It began with normal cranking and refusing to sleep through the night for an entire week, then one morning I woke her up and she was bucking and screaming and flailing and simply inconsolable. I checked her mouth and her last first-year molar finally cut the gums along with ALL FOUR CANINES. 

EVIL.

I don't know if it's these particular teeth -- I mean, they are all sharp and pointy and shark-like; total evil if you ask me -- or the fact that FIVE broke through at once, or more realistically, probably a combination of the both, but this child has been having ISSUES for the past few days. 

Today was one of the most mystifying and disturbing of them all. She had been quietly and happily playing with this toy:

When all of a sudden she whipped her head around, glared at me, then came running at me like a charging bull, screaming louder than I have ever heard. She spent the next twenty minutes flailing herself around like she needed an exorcist -- she would reach out for me, I would hold her to try to comfort her, and she would immediately push me away. As soon as I let her go, she would reach out for me -- this loop repeated over and over and over. Near the end of the "episode," I was holding her and trying to talk to her, and she reared her head back ... god, I could see it happening in slow motion but could do nothing to stop it ... and she slammed her forehead into my cheekbone. I saw stars, she screamed at me like I had attacked her. It was a disaster.

I brought her toys, bounced her, left her alone, talked to her, sang to her, put on the TV to distract her -- nothing. Finally, I put on an episode of GLEE (her fave) and she stopped for a few seconds at a time. So crazy. Quiet for three seconds, turning to look at me and leaning in to scream like a demon, then turning back to watch GLEE quietly for a few seconds. I thought I was losing my mind. 

Finally, I fast-forwarded to the GLEE kids singing Ke$ha's "Tik Tok" (which NEVER fails to make her smile, sing, and dance), and she was fine. Funk totally over. But I forgot that at the end of the song all the kids start puking. I had to bury my head in the couch cushions to keep from losing my anti-nausea pills and water breakfast, but it was worth it to end the evil.

Two minutes later she was drinking from my cup and acting like nothing had happened. Wth?

Someone tell me this is normal. I'll print out your comment and hang it on the walls of my house to keep me sane. 

Also, who's with me on some sort of surgical alternative to teething -- cutting the gums and pulling all the teeth up at once or something? I'm looking into it for the next one.