Crybaby(mama)

So ... I'm pregnant. Now that we're all caught up, let me tell ya some things. These  ... symptoms? I don't like to describe it that way. I mean, I don't have a disease, just something growing inside of me ... okay that sounds kind of disease-like, but STILL. These ... side effects? GUH. Someone tell me a better word. Moving along. The side effects of pregnancy are rather difficult for me, which makes me really glad that I blogged so g-d much on my baby blog the last time around, because now I can go back and be like, Huh, is it NORMAL to have a headache that lasts for 3 weeks without giving up at all? Oh yes, apparently it is for me, and last time the doctor said not to worry about it. Got it. And again and again and again ad infinitum with all the annoying things I am feeling.

One thing I did not have to go back to the archives to remember more clearly? The CRYING. Oh, the crying. 

I will freely admit that I was a crier before the knocking-up of it all, but I had gotten much better in the latter half of my twenties ... Veronica, no one is helped by you crying every time the Humane Society commercial comes on. Donate money or turn off the TV. Everything else you do is pointless. See how logical I had become? But these hormones -- they are NOT JOKING AROUND. Obviously my body is rather susceptible to these fluctuations, which is why I still can't bend at the waist without puking and I get dizzy in the shower, so why would I expect to not be bombarded with all these extra feelings.

Sorry. Couldn't help myself.

I cry ALL. THE. TIME. I cry on the way to work. I cry those three nights a week when I get home from work and see Josephine's little face in the monitor, knowing I wasn't home to put her to bed (it's not like she's putting herself to bed or something -- JEREMY is the one doing it, so it's not a big deal, but ... it just is a big deal). I cry if she wakes up in the night because I'm JUST SO TIRED, then I cry because I should be concerned about my BABY who is obviously having troubles and will also not be well-rested and happy in the morning, then I cry about crying while holding my baby in the middle of the night and likely confusing her. I cry a lot.

However, the biggest mistake I have consistently been making is watching GLEE. I started watching at the beginning of the second season, and so for the past few weeks I have been watching all of Season 1, which then immediately sent me re-watching all of Season 2. It's a slippery slope. I ask Josephine, "Want to watch the singing and dancing?" and she claps and screams. That means YES. She freaking LOVES that show and dances the entire time. 

Anyway, the problem is, that show makes me cry anyway, but now pretty much EVERY musical number shuts me down. For example, here is a short list of a few of the songs by the GLEE cast that made me cry in the past few days:

"River Deep, Mountain High" was one of the songs I listened to over and over the first time I was pregnant, and I know that the song is not really about this, but I just kept imagining this little person I had been dying to meet and had hoped and wished for for years and years, and I just knew that I loved her more than anything already, and I would love her more and more every day, and one day her and I would sing and dance to that song in our living room. Welp, I just started crying when I typed that run-on sentence.

Good god, then the glee kids sang "Born This Way" while one at a time revealing shirts that had something written on it that they used to not like about themselves but had come to accept. SOB SOB SOB.  Every show has a culminating musical number like this, where some big emotional climax is being expressed through song -- like I said, I cry when not pregnant, but every single song now makes me think of my kids. I hope my kids love and accept themselves and can ignore people who want to make them feel bad about themselves. Like I said, SOB.

Then there's this one: I played it for Jeremy, and he was genuinely confused at my tears. I know the verses are talking about something else, but the chorus -- "Tonight/We are young/So let's set the world on fire/We can burn brighter/Than the sun." I know it sounds like such an old person thing to say, but I didn't set the world on fire when I was young, and I truly hope my children burn brighter than the sun in the glory of their youth. I hope they do the things I was too scared to do. I hope they really live their lives, unafraid of what other people say, and do the things that will make themselves happy and proud and fulfilled.

And the Israel Kamakawiwoʻole version of "Somewhere Over The Rainbow"? Come on. I cry every time I hear that, even when I'm NOT pregnant.

It's just that combination of all those young voices and the dancing and the glimmer in their eyes. It kills me. Even songs like Bruno Mars' "Valerie" and John Legend's "Rolling in the Deep" send me into tears. When I told Jeremy that I thought the GLEE version of "Rolling in the Deep" was more moving than the original version? He almost lost his mind. I don't know what to tell you. I just can't help myself. 

Someone take away my Netflix. It's the only solution.

P.S. Obviously, I do not own the rights to any of the youtube videos or songs posted here. Take it up with youtube, not me.