A few weeks ago we were eating an early dinner in a McDonald's because we had to meet halfway between my job and Jeremy's job to switch off Josephine so Jeremy could take her home and I could leave to teach my night class (confused yet?).
We were having a lovely little quiet dinner and conversation, when an older woman got into our little "bubble" and started talking to Josephine. No big deal, really. Strangers, especially women of "grandma-age," LOVE talking to Josephine. I can't blame them.
This particular woman cooed over her cuteness and her excellent behavior, and then, and then ... well, she made a strange offer.
Woman: Oh, you look like you want some of my ice cream cone! Do you want some of my ice cream cone? You can have my ice cream cone sweet little girl!!! Yes, you can!!! Here, have some!
And yes, then she started trying to hand her ice cream cone THAT SHE HAD BEEN LICKING to my child.
Me: Oh, no, but thank you.
Woman: What? I'm serious! She can have my ice cream! She's looking right at it! She wants it! It's okay! She can have it!
Me: No, no, she doesn't need any ice cream, but thank you so much for the offer.
Woman: How about a spoon? A spoon! BERT! (calling to husband at counter waiting for food) Get a spoon so I can give this baby my ice cream!
Me: No, seriously, she still has dinner to eat.
Woman: A bowl? A bowl! I'll spoon the ice cream into the bowl and she can eat it when she's done with her dinner!
Me: No, I think she's lucky enough to get a few nuggets today. She doesn't need sugar on top of it. But that is so nice of you to offer. *Starting to get very nervous at her persistence.*
Woman: Well, you're just mean, aren't you!?!? (To Josephine) Your mommy's MEAN, isn't she? She won't even let you have this delicious, free, ice cream that you REALLY REALLY want! It's not even that bad for you, is it? NO, IT'S NOT! And IT'S DELICIOUS!
Me: *nervous laughter, averting eyes.*
Woman: You poor little sweet girl! All you want in the world is this ice cream, and she DOESN'T EVEN CARE! You sweet, sweet little girl.
At this point, I just went into full ignoring mode. I couldn't do anymore fake thank yous and laughing at myself. I just couldn't. Eventually Bert got their food, and she left with him, mumbling about the outrageousness of some mothers.
Yes, if being a mother who doesn't let her child share saliva with a total stranger in McDonald's makes me some mother, SIGN ME UP.
Also, what was Jeremy doing this whole time? Eating his food and refusing to make eye contact. What if we had both ignored her and she just started feeding Josephine the ice cream, HUH, Jeremy? What then?
oh my god. this was awkward just to read. who does that!?
ReplyDeleteIt was beyond awkward!
DeleteI don't even know what to say about this. I am in complete disbelief. Sounds like that lady was loosing her marbles by the bucketful.
ReplyDeleteCrazy people LOVE to talk to me. Poor Josie seems to have inherited that highly desirable trait!
DeleteWow. Just. Wow. My husband would have done the same thing. He always leaves me out to dry with stuff like that. It's not cool. You handled that a lot better than I would have!
ReplyDeleteMy husband is an "ignore it and it will go away" kind of guy when people are being weird or rude. I'm the one who always embarrasses him by yelling at loud people in movie theaters! Ha!
DeleteI read this twice and still can't believe it! You handled the situation very well!
ReplyDeleteI know, I couldn't believe it was happening either, which is why I had no idea what the do!
DeleteI woulda socked her in her crusty ole' granny jaw and stabbed Bert with a spork, but that's just me. I'm a confrontationalist.
ReplyDeleteWell, thankfully Bert kind of ignored her instead of encouraging her, so at least I didn't have to worry about brutalizing both of them! :)
DeleteBWAHAHA!!! dweeziluvslily made me laugh. ;) My blood pressure was rising just reading this! UGH, I LOATHE awkward situations like that. "Bert! Get your seat belt on! We're going for a ride on the Crazy Train!"
ReplyDeleteYes, seconded on dweeziluvslily making me laugh! Your comment made me laugh, too! :) Poor Bert ...
DeleteOH MY WORD!! That is unbelievable. I must say I was reading the whole thing, thinking that maybe Jeremy had gone to the restroom or something. (ha, somehow I think my husband might have done the same thing ;)
ReplyDeleteHa ha! Nope! He's known me long enough to know I was all over the situation, so he probably figured he could save himself the trouble and ignore her! Chicken! :)
DeleteAt the 2nd attempt, I would have started to freak out at her persistence, and exclaim how she is trying to kill my child with a food alergy, and hopefully out crazy her while drawing enough attention so she and her weird husband would move along faster. . . haha probally not but it would have been funny!
ReplyDeleteI would not have been so polite as you either! Ah. This whole event is unbelievable!
I know! I can think of a million better ways to have handled it now, but in the moment, I just couldn't believe what was happening!
DeleteWhooaaaaa Grandma. You totally should have been like: "I'm sorry, but I don't know where your mouth has been EXCEPT RUDE TOWN, so please leave my child alone, she doesn't need a side of your spit with her dinner."
ReplyDeleteYeah, I was sitting there thinking, "Do I HAVE to say this out loud? It has you SPIT on it?!?!" Apparently she takes the "sharing is caring" motto very seriously.
DeleteWow. OK. I get it. I'll never feed Josephine food that was already in my mouth. HER LOSS.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry I had to be so be so blatantly obvious about my preferences. Can we still all be friends?
DeleteUgh, stuff like that makes me uncomfortable. I always *think* I'd be able to handle myself in awkward situations, but when it actually happens I go all fucking deer-in-headlights.
ReplyDeleteYou handled this better than I'm sure I would have.