Jeremy and I have an argument over something very silly. We are diametrically opposed on this topic, and each of us believes our viewpoint is flawlessly pure and "correct." I would like YOUR opinion, dear readers, to see if this is really a split issue or if one of us is clearly in the wrong (hint: not me).
In the interest of getting the most impartial and scientific results, I will obscure the identity of the individuals in question. I will most certainly be referring to me and Jeremy, but I will cloak us in the mysterious noms de plume "Spouse A" and "Spouse B." See if you can keep up.
Okay, so the issue in question is little gross things (boogers, long hairs where people hope to not see hairs on your body when they look at you, horrifically smeared make-up, things in your teeth, etc. etc.) -- should you point them out to your spouse?
SPOUSE A believes he/she is being helpful by pointing out "Hey, booger" before we walk into a public place or making sure Spouse B knows about long hairs coming out of his/her nose. SPOUSE A believes that Spouse B would be embarrassed to later learn that others had seen him/her in this condition, and therefore SPOUSE A believes he/she is doing a large favor for Spouse B. SPOUSE A would appreciate being told these things and is enraged when he/she discovers gross things in the mirror hours after having been seen by the general public. Much arguing ensues.
SPOUSE B believes pointing out these little things amounts to pointing out imperfections in Spouse A, and would therefore be construed as SPOUSE B calling Spouse A less than perfect or undesirable, and that is something he/she would never do, and believes Spouse A should behave in the same fashion. SPOUSE B takes significant offense to having these things pointed out and does not believe Spouse A does it in the best interest of Spouse B. SPOUSE B becomes embarrassed and angry in these moments, and believes Spouse A is belittling him/her. Much arguing ensues.
So, PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, cast your votes. Who is right? Spouse A or Spouse B?? Settle this war once and for all! You have the power!
The person who is right is the person who is doing what the OTHER person would prefer. IE, Spouse A should never point these things out to Spouse B, as Spouse B feels insulted. However, Spouse B should ALWAYS point these things out to Spouse A, as Spouse A feels embarrassed when it's not taken care of.
ReplyDeleteAhhh, marriage. :-)
Which means we're BOTH wrong! Ha! Marriage ...
DeleteI think leeapeea has this right, but if I had to choose (and I think that's what you'd like me to do) then I'm totally on Spouse A's side about this, as long as he/she brings up these observations in kind ways.
Deleteleeapeea is a genius
DeleteIn the spirit of a good debate, I have to side with Spouse A 100%. The Spouses should take leeapeea's advice though, for suresies.
Agreed, leeapeea is on to something here.
DeleteMari -- I am always the kindest of kind souls. :)
Laura Leane -- Thank you for keeping the spirit of debate alive and being a "Spouse A" person!
SPOUSE FREAKING A. That's me.
ReplyDeleteThanks girl, and ... I kind of imagined you would also be a Spouse A! :)
DeleteGot a vote for Spouse A from James on facebook
ReplyDeleteThanks for the vote, James!
DeleteI was so totally going to say what Leeapeea said. There is no right and no wrong. Just try to follow the others wishes.
ReplyDeleteOH yeah, when did you become such a sweetie? (just kidding! love you!)
DeleteI'm with leeapeea as well, but if we're looking at it from a purely "must choose A or B" perspective, I'm going with A. Having lettuce in your teeth isn't an imperfection, and I don't really get how someone can be offended by somebody saying "Hey, you've got something just there, if you want to take care of that before we walk into cousin Sarah's wedding reception." It's one thing if Spouse A is saying "Hey, you've got a really long nose hair, but I guess we can't do anything about it now, should've taken care of that before we left!" but it doesn't sound like that's what's happening.
ReplyDeleteAll this to say, I'd rather be told than to walk around oblivious. But if someone would rather be oblivious, let them ;)
I know, I try to be helpful, and I am REBUKED! Thanks for the vote! :)
DeleteI agree with leeapeea. Spouse A should NEVER mention such things to Spouse B, and Spouse B should ALWAYS mention such things to Spouse A (who is, by the way, clearly correct).
ReplyDeleteYour aside at the end made my day. I laughed out loud when I read it! :)
DeleteI agree with Spouse A. That's exactly how I feel. If it was a stranger, I might not say something, but if it's your spouse, I think you should. You should be looking out for them. It's not like you're saying "hey you look fat" which is not very helpful and is pretty insulting. You're saying something helpful to spare them later embarrassment.
ReplyDeleteFor instance, the other day my husband told me I looked nice, then added I like your dress, it looks like the tablecloth. Well intentioned as it may have been, his "compliment" made me feel worse rather than better. Now, if he'd pointed out ANY of the several times that I've walked out of the house with a big splotch of unblended concealer on my face- I would have appreciated that much more.
Yay for Katie being on my team! :)
DeleteSpouse A, even in historical times partners and even animals attempt and help groom one another in all types of environments. Spouse B should realize that it does not matter, because when you love someone you just want what is best for them whether it is embarassing or not. As much as I hate when my husband comes up to me and says hold still, and then there is a zit pop afterwards I am grateful. Additionally, if these are your only marital concerns then dang you are one LUCKY couple!! lol....
ReplyDeleteLove love LOVE your line of reasoning here!
DeleteOH, and yeah ... it's totally our only marital concern ... ;)
DeleteSpouse A, hands down, which I'm willing to bet is you. I could have written this post. I get pissed when we're out and then I look in the mirror and see that my eye makeup has migrated and The Prince has said nothing about it. On the other hand, if we're at dinner and I tell him he has food in his teeth? He's always majorly unimpressed.
ReplyDeleteThanks! Also, I find it very easy to believe that you could have written a post just like this! Smart minds, and all. :)
DeleteSpouse A
ReplyDeleteThanks for the vote!
DeleteA, all the way.
ReplyDeleteOh yeah!
DeletePauline said on facebook: "I am with spouse a on this one. I would rather have something like this pointed out to me by someone the loves me than from a stranger. Or worse be embarrassed by some kid saying Hey mom look at the huge booger hanging from the ladies nose....."
ReplyDeleteAgreed, Pauline!
DeleteWendi said on facebook: "Point it out. Gently, and in private."
ReplyDeleteAlways and always!
DeleteSara said on facebook: "Spouse A. Just clip the hairs, or wipe the boogers for them to avoid the awkward conversation. :)"
ReplyDeleteOh my god, he would kill me so hard if I ever did that.
Deletei'm going to agree with spouse A, so long as it's said nicely and not in a critical way. especially if we're talking boogers and nose hairs and not pants that make your butt look big. :)
ReplyDeleteThanks!!
DeleteSpouse A, so long as it's put in a kind way and yes, in private. As long as it's not said in a belittling way ("HAHA YOU HAVE A BOOGER EW GROSS!"). Or like Sara said, just take care of it for them quickly- "you had a thing there, but I got it."
ReplyDeleteEither way, I think it's important the small gross thing noticing spouse treats it like it's no big deal and doesn't make fun.
I made it such a not-big deal. No dice.
DeleteKayla said on facebook: "I clearly know which is which and agree with you. Clearly! Haha!"
ReplyDeleteThanks, girl! :)
DeleteBut you never picked a side!! ;)
ReplyDeleteSpouse A all the way! Agree with Wendi, gently and in private.
ReplyDeleteOh yeah! Thanks for the vote!
DeleteYeah, I say it in a more gentle way, but he still hates it. What can you do, right?
ReplyDeleteOkay, I see now you did. My bad!
ReplyDeleteAnd, OF COURSE, you are correct!
ReplyDelete