Tuesday, July 3, 2012

What We've Learned Here Is Most People Want to Know If They Have Boogers Hanging Out of Their Noses

Remember when I asked you to pass judgment on our marriage? Well, today is they day I share results and reveal the identities of Spouse A and Spouse B!

Thanks to everyone for playing along, because that was really fun. But man, it also turned out differently than I expected. I expected a lot of "Spouse A all the way!" and "Spouse B 4-eva!" comments in the spirit of debate, and obviously I wrote this post to be funny, but then my very first comment went ahead and gave ACTUAL advice. Man. 

In case you didn't read the comments (and if you didn't, do it, because there were some awesome and hilarious ones!) or didn't vote (shame on you!), like five minutes after I published the post, Leeapeea said:

I think I actually blushed, because DUH, and also, that had obviously never really occurred to me.

Here's the rub: I discussed it with Jeremy, and he is AGAINST IT. AGAINST IT!! Can you believe it?

I guess now would be the time to reveal the mysterious identities of Spouse A and Spouse B. I know this might come to a shock to some of you who know me in real life, but ... I was Spouse A. It's true! 

I must, MUST know if I have something going on with my appearance that could easily be fixed to avoid embarrassment, and I would MUCH rather have that come from my husband than anyone else, because I know he is not judging me. Others? They judge. OH, they judge. 

I also think that, in general, people would rather know these things than to go on about their day only to find toilet paper in their shoe at the end of it and curse me for letting them go on their merry way to do any number of important things. If I like you, I tell you about the spinach in your teeth. It's a sign of love. Therefore, the thought of NOT telling Jeremy, just because that is his preference, is very disturbing to me. That would place him in the "people I don't like" category in my brain, and that is just not computing. I'm also willing to admit that every time I would "helpfully" point things out to Jeremy, I was hoping he would think, Wow, Veronica saved me from embarrassment in public. She's right! I should do this for her, just like she begs me to all the time! Obviously, that was not the case, and I should be willing to give in and do what makes him happy in this instance. I'm willing to give it a go.

Jeremy, on the other hand (Spouse B), said he straight-up will NEVER make a comment on my appearance, because he thinks it is not his place to decide what is "not good" about the way I look. Now, I agree that I would prefer he not say things like "Man, are you going to do your hair before we leave the house? Because you look like a refugee." or "You know that shirt makes you look frumpy, right?" but I DO want him to tell me when I have stray hairs or boogers or food in my teeth. I want him to with ALL OF MY HEART, and he says he refuses. REFUSES!

In any case, it was nice to hear that so many people said they were Spouse A types and wanted to know themselves and would tell others to help them out. It made me feel like I wasn't totally ridiculous or anything. And I was definitely (not-so-secretly) hoping that there would be more votes for me because YOU WOULD TOO. Spouse A was the clear winner in the comments, as long as it is said kindly and in private, and that is how I roll, so I felt a little better.

However, that advice about respecting each others' wishes? I don't know how that's going to work. Jeremy is sounding pretty stubborn.

I, on the other hand, refrained from telling Jeremy about a booger hanging out of his nose that I noticed moments before we were going to get out of the car and head in to a family party. ONE POINT FOR ME. 

Then, after said family party, I got in the car, looked in the visor mirror, and noticed my eyeliner was smeared all over my face, in full-on Joker fashion. NEGATIVE ONE POINT FOR JEREMY.

Which means, if marriage were a competition, I would be WINNING. WINNING, I TELL YOU!

Not that marriage is a competition.

(But if it were, I'd be WINNING!)



  1. I think that's excellent advice, but SO hard to put into practice.
    The other day, hubby and I had a perfect example of this. I bought a dress that he liked, but I didn't think it was too flattering. I bought it as a weekend dress thinking when it was really hot, I wouldn't care how not terribly cute it was. Saturday I put it on and just couldn't get on board with it. It didn't quite fit right, and was kinda frumpy looking, and it wasn't terribly cheap. In my book if I just look OK in it, it's not worth the money. I asked him if he thought it looked ok, and he said yes, he thought it was cute. After hemming and hawing and asking again if he was SURE it looked ok, he said "yes, but you can take it back if you don't like it." I like to buy clothes hubby likes so he feels like his opinion is valued (and it is), but I just couldn't see myself wearing this so I took it off and told him I was going to take it back. Then, THEN, he says "Yea, it doesn't really seem to fit right" ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? I asked no less than 3 times if you thought it looked ok, and you said "yes" every time!! That is EXACTLY why I asked. He gave me the same response as your husband - "I didn't want you to think I thought you looked bad." I explained to him, yet again (and I'm sure it won't be the last time), that I NEED to know if something doesn't look good. ESPECIALLY if I specifically ask. I wanted to yell at him "YOU ARE SUCH A SPOUSE B!!!!" LOL

    1. ahhhhh The Prince does this! So angering!

    2. Total Spouse B! Jeremy does it too.

      And you're right, the advice is good, but hard to follow!!

  2. Veronica:

    I am so proud of you for letting Jeremy walk around booger-nosed.


    The Management.

    1. I know, right? I'm pretty much the greatest wife ever at this point.

  3. Shoot, I missed the boat on this survey!

    But going back and reading the two options, Boyfriend and I are both Spouse A. We both want to save each other the embarrassment of being seen looking stupid, and neither one of us gets offended. In our case, timing and intonation play a key role. For example, if we had just been in argument and I said something like "Why don't you clean that shit out of your teeth", well, then I'm sure there would be a problem. But if I said it in a normal tone, like "Hey, I think you have something in your teeth. Here's a mirror" there would be no problem.

    FYI - I would never say the first option to Boyfriend. (Ex-husband? That's a different story.) ;)

    1. I know, I know, I am totally a nonchalant angel about the comments, but they still anger him. What's a helpful gal to do?

  4. Wow, I feel honored. It's not easy advice to follow, married or not! Jeremy should get on board, really. I mean, you both probably already use the same principal for other things, like... cleaning and parenting... and... cooking? Yeah, cooking, 'cause you make things how you will like it and how Jeremy will like it. Honestly, the concept is the same as oral- you do what the other person likes, they do it back to you, and everyone wins. SPOUSE B- YOU KNOW IT WILL WORK. :-)

    Carry a compact and a tissue in your purse and you won't have to rely on Jeremy to let you know if something's on your face if you're worried about it. Also, you ARE pretty, and compelling, and I'm sure people are paying attention to what you're saying even if you have a sliver of carrot in your teeth. So, Jeremy is kind of right about that point.

    1. I'm glad you're honored, leeapeea! :) We'll have to see how it goes ...


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