Thanks to everyone for playing along, because that was really fun. But man, it also turned out differently than I expected. I expected a lot of "Spouse A all the way!" and "Spouse B 4-eva!" comments in the spirit of debate, and obviously I wrote this post to be funny, but then my very first comment went ahead and gave ACTUAL advice. Man.
In case you didn't read the comments (and if you didn't, do it, because there were some awesome and hilarious ones!) or didn't vote (shame on you!), like five minutes after I published the post, Leeapeea said:
Here's the rub: I discussed it with Jeremy, and he is AGAINST IT. AGAINST IT!! Can you believe it?
I guess now would be the time to reveal the mysterious identities of Spouse A and Spouse B. I know this might come to a shock to some of you who know me in real life, but ... I was Spouse A. It's true!
I must, MUST know if I have something going on with my appearance that could easily be fixed to avoid embarrassment, and I would MUCH rather have that come from my husband than anyone else, because I know he is not judging me. Others? They judge. OH, they judge.
I also think that, in general, people would rather know these things than to go on about their day only to find toilet paper in their shoe at the end of it and curse me for letting them go on their merry way to do any number of important things. If I like you, I tell you about the spinach in your teeth. It's a sign of love. Therefore, the thought of NOT telling Jeremy, just because that is his preference, is very disturbing to me. That would place him in the "people I don't like" category in my brain, and that is just not computing. I'm also willing to admit that every time I would "helpfully" point things out to Jeremy, I was hoping he would think, Wow, Veronica saved me from embarrassment in public. She's right! I should do this for her, just like she begs me to all the time! Obviously, that was not the case, and I should be willing to give in and do what makes him happy in this instance. I'm willing to give it a go.
Jeremy, on the other hand (Spouse B), said he straight-up will NEVER make a comment on my appearance, because he thinks it is not his place to decide what is "not good" about the way I look. Now, I agree that I would prefer he not say things like "Man, are you going to do your hair before we leave the house? Because you look like a refugee." or "You know that shirt makes you look frumpy, right?" but I DO want him to tell me when I have stray hairs or boogers or food in my teeth. I want him to with ALL OF MY HEART, and he says he refuses. REFUSES!
In any case, it was nice to hear that so many people said they were Spouse A types and wanted to know themselves and would tell others to help them out. It made me feel like I wasn't totally ridiculous or anything. And I was definitely (not-so-secretly) hoping that there would be more votes for me because YOU WOULD TOO. Spouse A was the clear winner in the comments, as long as it is said kindly and in private, and that is how I roll, so I felt a little better.
However, that advice about respecting each others' wishes? I don't know how that's going to work. Jeremy is sounding pretty stubborn.
I, on the other hand, refrained from telling Jeremy about a booger hanging out of his nose that I noticed moments before we were going to get out of the car and head in to a family party. ONE POINT FOR ME.
Then, after said family party, I got in the car, looked in the visor mirror, and noticed my eyeliner was smeared all over my face, in full-on Joker fashion. NEGATIVE ONE POINT FOR JEREMY.
Which means, if marriage were a competition, I would be WINNING. WINNING, I TELL YOU!
Not that marriage is a competition.
(But if it were, I'd be WINNING!)