Tuesday, November 13, 2012

It's Sad How Little It Takes to Shock and Entertain Me These Days

I had my suspicions before, but this weekend it was confirmed: Some chick is using MY cell phone number as her fake number.

I first suspected that's what was going on when a random number sent me a text asking me if I was up for anything that night.

Let me just make an aside here to tell you that no, I cannot take a screenshot on my phone. I have followed the instructions in my manual and online about seventy-five thousand times, but it does not take a screenshot as promised. Frankly, I'm not shocked that I have no idea how to accomplish this simple task, and you shouldn't be either.

Anyway, I ignored it at first, and this gentleman became more insistent, peppering in phrases alluding to my "hot booty." That almost swayed me to believe that this was a person I did in fact know, because, come on. Have you seen my post-pregnancy butt? To die for, I assure you.

So, I texted this guy back and told him I thought he had the wrong number. He was insistent. "Is this XXX-XXX-XXXX?" Yep, that's the number, but I'm not your gal. 

He gave up, but then the next week I got another text from him: "I hope I got your number right this time. So glad I bumped into you again. Are you still planning on coming with me to that wedding this Saturday?"

Oh my god. This girl. He FOUND HER again, and she insisted she could be reached at this number. AND agreed to go to a wedding with him, knowing that he wouldn't be able to get a hold of her to finalize the details. She is cruel. Or dumb. I mean, what was she going to do if she ran into him a third time?

I told the poor dude that he got me again, a boring mom who was not up for a wedding or club-hopping afterwards. He took a long time to respond and I felt horrible when he said "Wow. Sorry. I don't mean to keep bothering you. My bad!"

I had kind of forgotten it when this past Saturday I got a text from another strange number. This one said "Hey beautiful. What are you up to tonight? This is Jeffrey from the other night."

O. M. G.

While I am beautiful, and, in fact, had no plans that night other than nursing my baby, I believe this text was not meant for me.

I told him I was sorry, and he had the wrong number. He apologized and said he must have hit a wrong button, and he would double-check before he sent texts next time.

THEN ... poor Jeffrey ... I got ANOTHER text from the number, saying "Is this Courtney?" When I told him it was still me, not Courtney, he said, "That's so weird. I double-checked and this is the exact number she gave me."

Oh, you poor, poor, stupid thing. 

But now I know her name. It doesn't really help me all that much, because I don't think it would do any good to just text back "this is not Courtney" when I get one of these again. 

It WOULD be nice to get a courtesy text from this Courtney. I mean, how hard would it be to shoot out a simple "Sorry if you have weirdos texting you all the time. lol!" 

In the meantime, I guess I should just appreciate people saying nice things about my behind. It's been a while since strangers commented on her. Maybe one day I'll get her back in shape.*

*No, I probably won't


  1. Hysterical!! Hopefully you have unlimited texting so at least Courtney is not costing you anything :)

    1. We actually don't have an unlimited data package! Now I really do need to find her and tell her she owes me roughly $2!!

  2. I love this and it would totally end up consuming my life. You'd find me at coffee shops, listening for the order for "Courtney" and I'd give them the up-and-down, in an attempt to figure out if that Courtney seemed like a sneaky liar. And then I'd probably decide that yes, she did look like a sneaky liar and I'd give her a dirty look. And then I'd feel proud of myself for mentally torturing her. And then I'd go back to my car and realize I can never show my face in that coffee shop again.

    1. Oh man, if I were frequenting places these days, I would be listening for Courtneys too! Next time I take the girls out to a coffee shop (ha!), I'll try to listen for names over the babble/shouting/crying.:)

  3. When I first got my current number, I used to get phone calls for a Kelly. Apparently Kelly had lots of bills in collection and was using my number. It took nearly 12 months, but eventually I convinced them that I was someone else completely, living in a totally different state.

    1. Oooh, that really sucks. I would have been tempted to just change my number! People. I don't know about some of them.

  4. My cell phone # used to belong to a woman named Chantel and she got lots of late night calls. This was pretexting days and it about drove me nuts. But then she disappeared which added to the madness until her husband confessed to harming her. I hated that something like that happened but was glad those phone calls finally stopped.


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