Here's Why You're Better Than Me

Okay, I finally tried the Flickr way to get around Picasa that many of you mentioned, and it worked (!), but I must admit, the data limit on Flickr isn't going to last me long either. More on all that nonsense later, but for now, I can upload pictures again! And here is the post I started that day last week and had to abandon because I couldn't include a picture. Enjoy!

So my kid did this yesterday. 

She found a pacifier, told me she was "Baby Josie" and snuggled up. 

Of course, I had the Aww, my poor girl! She must need some extra love and comfort! thoughts. But I also had some other thoughts in the back of my head. Namely, I was thinking, Are you FRICKIN' kidding me, kid? Do you remember when you were a baby and you screamed and screamed and never slept for the first whole year of your life and I tried and tried to get you to take a pacifier just so you could soothe yourself and calm the freak down and stop crying for five bloody minutes? Oh, you don't? Because I DO. Don't put that pacifier in your mouth and pretend you happily did it when you were a baby, because you spit that shit out and screamed instead.

I know that was bad. Very wrong of me. I shouldn't be shocked that my kid would all of a sudden do the thing she refused to do for two years. I should only think loving and kind thoughts about my daughter, yes? Yes, of course.

But sometimes I don't. Sometimes I think YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! BLARG!! when she does things. I've learned to live with it. 

You want to know some other terrible things I do that will make you feel like the superior parent/superior being overall? You got it:

1. I hide behind the pantry door if I want to eat something "good" that I don't want to share with Josie.

2. If Josie's begging to have some food that she's already eaten 700 servings of that day, I just lie to her and tell her we're all out.

3. I hid a few of her books that were making me cry, annoying me, or sent a message I didn't have the energy to explain (She has like 2,000 books. She'll survive).

4. I have a rule where I only change Genevieve's clothes if she messes them up in some way, so if she manages to not spit up on herself or have a blowout for longer than 24 hours, she wears that outfit as long as we can ride it out.

5. I take the advice that you shouldn't bathe your newborn every day very seriously. VERY SERIOUSLY. Even though she's not so new anymore. 

6. I don't even try to catch the finger and toenails when I'm clipping the girls' nails. I'm too busy trying to hold down a wolverine and trim her claws to worry about the mess it makes. I vacuum later. (sometimes)

7. I think Josie looks really cute when she runs around the room making swimming motions with her arms during the "swim!" part of that fish song at library storytime -- even though there is a strict "no running" rule.

8. I have used the hem of Josie's shirt to wipe her nose when I was in a big pickle. And then one other time when I wasn't really in that much of a pickle.

9. I'm dreading the day when she realizes I am totally lying when I say "We can't watch (insert TV show or movie here) because they're sleeping."

10. I rarely let Josephine have sugar, even if other people around her are having it. One time I gave her a broccoli and quinoa muffin when she asked for a cupcake. Pretty evil, right? (She scarfed it down and thanked me for the cupcake, too. Heh.)

Well, there you have it. I left some off the list because every gal needs a secret or two. Also, I have a terrible memory these days. Feel free to add your shameful mothering secrets in the comments or laugh and think happy thoughts about yourself and how you are much better than I am or will be a better parent one day. Just enjoy, dudes.