When All I Wanted Was Nothing

For a while, I tried to ignore the symptoms. Maybe they would go away, or maybe I was over-reacting. I've been known to over-react, after all.

I finally got the courage to tell Josie's doctor, hoping against hope that she would say, "Oh, that's no big deal. That's not what you fear it is at all!" 

She didn't. She suggested a specialist. So yesterday Josie saw another specialist.

Like she needed to see another specialist in her short life. 

When I told Jeremy and my mom about the appointment, I said, "No, I'm not worried. In all likelihood, she will say it is what we think it is and we need to investigate and will suggest this test, but it's fine. It's really fine. I'm not worried."

Then I sat and talked to that doctor, and she said, "Yes, it is what you think it is, we should investigate, let's get this test scheduled for next week."

That's when I realized for the two months we spent waiting for this appointment and I was telling everyone one thing, what I REALLY REALLY thought, in my heart of hearts, was that I would get to that office and she would say "Ma'am, you have wasted my time. This child is fine. Take her home and tip my office staff on the way out for wasting their time too." 

And she didn't. And I really wanted her to. And I thought she definitely would. 

But she didn't.

Josie's fine. She's not dying. But we need to run some tests and make some decisions. We'll see if it is a THING or just a thing. 

Right now I'm just mourning the fact that I have to choose between a lower-case thing and and all-caps THING and have lost the opportunity for it to be nothing.


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If you need something a little lighter after that, I have posts up at Sean Purcell Photography about capturing memories and the merits of wedding planners.

And Josie is seriously fine. Sorry about the vagueness, but ... you know.