Obligatory End-of-Year Post (Warning: Slightly Fartwarming)

Yes, I finally did it.  I used the word "fartwarming" in a post.  My husband will be so proud (Get it?  Heartwarming ... fartwarming ... because it is "lame" to be heartwarming.  What can I say?  My husband is a boy.)

Anyway, it's been quite a year.  Last year I did the Best of 2009 Challenge, and looking back on it was certainly entertaining.  I had time to do ridiculous things like read books and take on challenges and make improvements to the place I live.  Ha!  

Now I have a BABY and the world revolves around her.  While my back hurts and my brain hurts and my heart has hurt from time to time, I could not be happier that my world is ALL Josephine, ALL the time.

My biggest challenge this year?  Being a mom.  My biggest joy this year?  Being a mom.  The best night of 2010?  Having my baby.  The biggest improvement made to our home?  Having our baby in it.  My favorite book of 2010?  The one with the crinkly pages and teether corners that Josephine loves to chew on.

I warmed you:  Schmoopy.  But oh-so-true.

Last year I gave you a montage of photos from the best day in 2009, and it was my wedding day.  This year, the montage of photos is of my little girl growing up.

2009

2010

Thanks, 2010.  You were a hell of a year.

What a Difference a Year Makes

It's really hard to believe that last Christmas I had only known for two days that I was pregnant for the first time.  It was such an amazing and hopeful time.  It's even harder to believe that I went from this:

to this:

in one short year, and the hope and love and excitement I felt last year was intensified by a billion this Christmas.  

 

 

 

We had a beautiful, wonderful, amazing first Christmas for our little girl, and I truly hope all of yours were just as special.

You're Welcome

I know there are some of you out there who are scrambling for last-minute gifts, and I am here to help, people.  


Now, I'm actually ruining Christmas for my family and friends since they all got one of these gifts (or two or three, IF they're my favorites), but I am THAT dedicated to my readers.  I want you all to be as wonderful at gift-giving as I am.


Awesome gift #1:  Did you know that the infamous Shake Weight is now available in the "man" version?  Give the men in your life the satisfaction the men in this commercial are experiencing.

If you have not seen this commercial yet, please, for the love of god, watch at least the first 12 seconds.  Please.  You will not be disappointed.  This is a REAL commercial, people, not a parody.

Awesome gift #2:  Snuggies for humans are so last year.  Your dog needs a Snuggie in order to be as relaxed and happy as this dog.

I mean, come on!  Man's best friend deserves the best, right?  And as the commercial points out, there are really no practical alternatives.

Awesome gift #3:  Seeing the commercial for Easy Feet made me realize how difficult it really is to reach your own feet.  I mean, bending over?  Who can do that? 

As the commercial asks, "How DO you clean your feet?  You bend, stretch, and you can't reach!"  Yes, how DO you clean your feet?  I know I have just given up.  Bring cleanliness back to your loved ones and "LITERALLY change the way you bathe FOREVER!"

Awesome gift #4:  I know jeggings are all the rage these days, but I still need COMFORT along with my fashion.  Pajama jeans are the fabulous solution to that conundrum.

Looks like denim, but feels like PJs!  Not only stylish and sexy, but soft and comfortable!  In my opinion, I wouldn't limit this gift to the ladies on your list.

Awesome gift #5:  Why have a boring old pillow when you can have a PILLOW that is also a PET??

Okay, confession:  I actually just want one of these.  It's probably leftover jealousy from never having a pillow person like DJ on Full House (I wanted the one that looked like a window).

Plus, that commercial gets stuck in your head.  "It's a PILLOW.  It's a PET.  It's a PILLOW PET!!"

Get shopping!  Don't give a boring gift card when you can get one of these wonders!  Enjoy your last few shopping days, folks!

Quick Request

Hey all,


I'm working on a special Etsy Saturday edition featuring the shops of all my friends -- in real life and bloggy-style.


I'm already aware of some of your shops (i.e., Melissa, Sara, Hayley, Arlene, and Sarah), but I might not know of some others.  If you have a shop, let me know about it either in the comments or send me an e-mail @ veronicachunkymonkey {at} gmail {dot} com.


Thanks!

Like Mother, Like Daughter

Well, it's official.  My mom and dad always warned me I would have a daughter EXACTLY LIKE ME.  And apparently I do.  I made a little mini-me, in terms of temperament.  

I discovered this when my mom brought over my baby book for me to look through.  In the "4 month milestones" section, my mom wrote:

LIKES:  Being naked!

DISLIKES:  sleeping, naps, not getting her own way, not being able to do things she thinks she should be able to do.

Karma, people.  It's for real.

Etsy Saturdays: XII

In support of the handmade revolution, I bring you Etsy Saturdays!  I will highlight a fun new shop every week, and I hope you will stop over to see their merchandise or find something else you love while you're there.  To see all Etsy Saturdays, click here.
*I have not been compensated in any way for this post*

Alright, the ornament thing wasn't a fluke -- Etsy Saturdays are BACK, baby, and better than ever!  I'm starting out with a bang, showcasing Designed Designer: Avant-Garde Wall Decorator's shop.

I've gotta say, I'm absolutely crazy about these vinyl wall decals.  If we ever move into a house that has actual flat walls in the nursery instead of PAINTED WOOD PANELING (shudder), I am getting one of these for my baby girl IMMEDIATELY.  Take a look!

Two Monkeys with Tree, $88

Trailing Cherry Blossom Tree, $86

Safari Playland, $185

Birds in the Urban Forest, $98

Owls on Big Tree, $60

Hooting Owl on Woodland Tree (with optional growth chart), $68

You also choose your colors from this fantastic palette: 

And, yes, there are more than trees available, but all my favorite designs involved trees.  Sue me.  I have been slightly obsessed with owls for the past few years, so trees kind of became an obsession by extension.  In fact, I found this shop by searching for "owl" on Etsy.  True story!

Now head over to Designed Designer to see all of the amazing designs, or head over to Etsy for those last-minute Christmas gifts!

Funny Stuff My Husband Says, Vol. VII

My husband is like the funniest guy on the planet.  So, every once and a while, I salute him.  Like today.  To see all volumes of Funny Stuff My Husband Says, click here.


SCENE: WATCHING CONAN MAKE FUN OF THE NEW HARRY POTTER MOVIE
Jeremy:  Ah, yes.  [what sounds like] Elvoldemort.
Veronica:  Elvoldemort?
Jeremy:  L.
Veronica: ...
Jeremy:  Voldemort.
Veronica:  ...
Jeremy:  L. Voldemort.
Veronica:  ...
Jeremy:  Lord Voldemort. 
Veronica:  SIGH.
Jeremy:  Like, H. Potter versus L. Voldemort.

Veronica:  Enough with the H. Potter stuff.  You have been saying it non-stop for weeks, and I think you're doing it just because you know it makes me angry.

Jeremy:  Seriously though.  Do you prefer H. Potter or Harry P.?

Veronica:  Shut up.

Jeremy:  H. Potter it is.

SCENE:  IN BED.  I ACCIDENTALLY FLAIL AND SMACK MY HEAD INTO JEREMY'S, WAKING UP BOTH OF US.
Veronica:  [groggily] Oh, man ... I just hit you ... sorry.  [Falling back to sleep]
Jeremy:  Don't bash your egghead into my skull, egghead!
Veronica:  [Suddenly wide awake]  What the hell did you just say to me?? You better be dream-talking, because that was HARSH!
Jeremy:  Oh, come on.  Egghead?  That is a total compliment!  It means I think you're smart!
Veronica:  Ass.  [Rolls over]
Jeremy:  [whispering]  You're not going to remember this in the morning? ... Are you? 


SCENE: WATCHING The True Story of Thanksgiving ON THE HISTORY CHANNEL
Narrator:  ... so, the Yankees settled the Great Lakes region ...

Jeremy:  You see, Josephine, your family, or "The Yankees" came over many many generations ago and helped settled the Great Lakes region. ALL THIS [waves arms around him in sweeping motion to indicate Michigan] is because of your ancestors.

Josephine:  [stares]

Jeremy:  Well, half of your ancestors anyway.

Veronica:  Thank you for the accuracy.

Jeremy:  Your mother's side of the family was still in Crazyland.

Veronica:  Excuse me?

Jeremy:  You know, The Land of Emotion.

Veronica:  You can't be referring to Italy, can you?

Jeremy:  Yes, yes I can.

Veronica:  [Through clenched teeth] You are SO dead.

Jeremy:  See!  You're proving my point!!

Etsy Saturdays: XI (The Non-Saturday/All-Ornament Edition)

In support of the handmade revolution, I bring you Etsy Saturdays!  I will highlight a fun new shop every week, and I hope you will stop over to see their merchandise or find something else you love while you're there.  To see all Etsy Saturdays, click here.
*I have not been compensated in any way for this post*

Look, I brought back Etsy Saturdays!  And don't even try to be a smart-ass and point out that it is TECHNICALLY not Saturday.  Because I know.  I'm not stupid, just unorganized lately.  I was going to get this together for Saturday, but instead I was sorting baby clothes and crying.  So ... there's that.  Now, the big comeback of Etsy Saturdays with THE BEST OF ETSY ORNAMENTS!!

I had every intention of highlighting all different types of ornaments, and only a few bizzare/funny/geeky ones, but ... well, we all should have seen it coming.  Take a gander, folks.

Starting us off, we have recycled blown glass, beautiful craftsmanship ... and a word that always makes me giggle, no matter what. 

Turd Ball Etched Ornament, $22

Stumped as to what to get your gamer friend?  Or your favorite Italian?  Or the plumber?  Look no further!

Mario and Luigi Ornaments, $10

As I'm sure you all know, bacon is very "in" these days.  

Bacon Angel Ornament, $6.25

Is your tree missing a mustache?  Prolly.  Here's your chance to fix that oversight.

Moustache Ornament, $4

If you don't know who Krampus is, you better get with the freakin' program.  He's a big part of Christmas in the Dimick house.

Krampus Glass Ornament, $15

Then there's ... this.  An octopus in a Santa hat.  With alien eyes.  Festive.

Cthulhuclaus Ornament, $15

And, last but not least ... I don't even.  I mean.  It's ... a brain.  At first I assumed it was just an ode to brains in general but jazzed up for the holidays.  Like, maybe what you would get your neighbor if he/she were a brain surgeon.  Good thing the title clears it up:

Santa's Brain Ornament, $14

Ah, yes.  SANTA'S brain.

Anyway, Season's Greetings!  Merry Christmas!  Happy Holidays!  And watch out for Krampus.  

Growth Spurt

Okay, here's the deal:  My baby is GROWING.  Yeah, I know, they are totally supposed to do that, but not like this. NOT LIKE THIS!!!!  She is growing much too quickly.


Here is the evidence:

"Oh, hi.  Don't mind me, I'll just be sitting here wearing my SIX MONTH clothes on my FOUR-MONTH birthday.  No biggie."

Yeah, I unwrapped one of her Christmas presents to have a cute outfit that was big enough for her to wear.  No worries, I'll re-wrap it and take pictures of her opening it.  What?  She's a BABY.  She'll never know the difference.

Anyway, I blame the growing on her father, who doesn't understand just how terrible it is that she is growing up too quickly.  Look at him, feeding her SOLIDS and convincing her they are good for her. 

Look at that "yum" face she is making.  She has clearly been brainwashed.


More evidence:  ALL of these clothes fit THREE DAYS AGO.  

You should have seen me in there, sorting clothes and crying.  Josephine just laid in the floor and looked up at me, laughing every now and again. Then she rolled over, for good measure, to remind me how she's not a BABY anymore, but a GIRL.


Don't worry, I paid her back by trying on a few of her three-month outfits that I wasn't ready to part with.

"Give it up, Mom."

I tried really hard to make them fit.  Confession:  I also took her out in public like this.  Then I came home, cried, and put the onesie in the bin of "too-small baby clothes" that is now overflowing.


My final piece of evidence:  Comparison photos.  Yeah, I went there.

Now, you tell me that she's not growing too quickly.  Try it.  Doesn't she look like a freakin' three-year-old compared to the first picture?  The pediatrician claims she is in the 75th percentile for height and weight, but I have a sneaking suspicion she is lying to me to keep the rage at bay.  Just a hunch.

I tried talking to my sensitive husband about my feelings regarding the loss of my newborn baby. Here's how it went (hint: not well).

Veronica:  JEREMY!  Just LOOK at her!!  She is huge!  Why is she growing?  Why?  WHY?

Jeremy:  You can't halt progress, Veronica.

Veronica: *death glare*

Jeremy: *runs from room*

On a final (unrelated) note, let me leave you with ... BABY MOHAWK!

I love my giant grown-up baby.

At Least I Know Myself

Ahh, Thanksgiving.  Food, family, fun, memories.  I LOVE Thanksgiving.  


It's the day after Thanksgiving that really polarizes people.  I mean, there are two distinct "Day-After-Thanksgiving" groups of people:  The Black Friday shoppers and the people who hide in their homes.  Apparently, Jeremy was unaware of which of these camps I belonged to.


Jeremy:  So, should we spend the night tomorrow so you can get up with my mom and aunts and go Black Friday shopping?


Veronica:  Here's my thought on that:  We would save a lot of money on presents for people, but then we would probably spend WAY more than that to bail me out of jail.  So, in the long run, it's cheaper for me to buy presents on any OTHER day.


Jeremy:  Ah, yes.  Hopefully they would arrest you after you killed the FIRST person who pushed you or cut in line or grabbed something out of your hands.  I mean, to keep the carnage to a minimum.


Veronica:  You're such a thoughtful guy.


Happy Thanksgiving to all, and to all Happy Shopping or Happy Hiding!

Holiday Giving Guide: "Child at Heart" Edition

I am a S-L-O-W holiday shopper, and I look around for ages and ages to find presents for my loved ones.  During that extended shopping time, I always find oodles of fun stuff that *I* might not be buying, but I feel that someone else REALLY should be purchasing.

Most of the time, those gifts are of a fun variety because it's possible that my husband and I are a bit ... how shall I put this?  Interested in many of the same things we were interested in when we were children.  You think there's something wrong with that?  Chances are, you live a very boring life.  But hey, I would probably still be your friend.  I'm just THAT kind.

Anywhoo, this edition of my shopping guide is for the young-at-heart amongst you.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Glass Tumbler Set, $24.99

If you don't love you some TMNT, then you either were born LONG ago or like, yesterday.  Either that, or you are cold-hearted.  Or don't own a TV.  I am not making a very strong case here.  What I meant was, EVERYONE loves the Turtles, and these heroes in a halfshell glasses could really sass up your fine china.

Buddha Butter Dish, $19.99

Okay, I have to admit:  I like this butter dish mostly because it reminds me of the moment on The Office when Michael thinks he is making a hilarious joke when he asks Pam to "Buddha" his bread for him.  But the more I look at this thing, the more I love it.  Perfect if your kitchen needs more humor.  Or butter.  Or both.

Henry VIII Heat-Sensitive Mug, $11.99

So this one is actually pretty nerdy, but so I am.  Heh heh.  Henry VIII and his gluttony for wives.  Now THAT'S funny.  To history majors ...

Stormtrooper Lamp and Alarm Clock, $49.99
Also available in Darth Vader and Boba Fett

This one goes out to my husband.  This is what I am sure he would have wanted next to his bed when he was a young lad.  And he might want it there now, but I JUST GOT HIM A NEW ALARM CLOCK AND HE WILL LOVE IT FOREVER AND NEVER NEED ANOTHER ONE.

Zombie Magnetic Poetry Kit, $11.99

Is your current refrigerator magnetic poetry kit too romantic?  Is it too mundane?  Does it stifle the horror writer inside you that is bubbling to the surface?  Well, then look no further.  Every morning can start with poetry inspired by devouring brains and whatnot.

Cheeseburger Phone, $19.99

You don't have to be a Juno fan to love this phone.  A cheeseburger you put up to your ear.  Priceless.

Ninjabread Men Cookie Cutters, $7.99

I don't mean to be a jerk, but I always thought regular old gingerbread men and women were pretty lame-balls.  If you want some NON-boring cookies, I would highly suggest the ninjabread men, who, of course can also be used with sugar cookies, shortbread, etc.  Add a little ninja to your life!

LEGO Storage Bins, $27 (medium) $41 (large) $32 (head)

Never got over your love of LEGOs?  Also think they make a stylish statement?  Decorate your home with them!  Or, hide them under your bed and then smile every time you pull out your little secret.

Mustache Jumbo Magnet, $10.99

Is your fridge missing a mustache?  Yes.  Yes it is.

Happy shopping!  Only 32 shopping days left!  (Do you hate me for saying that?  I take it back.  Do you love me again?  PLEASE?  Because I love YOU.)

Funny Stuff My Husband Says, Vol. VI

My husband is like the funniest guy on the planet.  So, every once and a while, I salute him.  Like today.  To see all volumes of Funny Stuff My Husband Says, click here.


ALSO, if you did not already know that LiLu, who makes recording her hilarious boyfriend an art, has a whole new blog dedicated to the "Funny Shiz Her Boyfriend Says" ... well, now you do.  Head on over!


SCENE:  Reading One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish to Josephine:


Jeremy:  "Some are sad. And some are glad. And some are very, very bad. Why are they sad and glad and bad? I do not know. Go ask your dad."


*PAUSE*


Jeremy:  [in a whisper] But I'm her dad!


Veronica:  Are you afraid you won't know the answer when she asks you?


Jeremy:  YES!


SCENE:  We are sitting on our bed, staring adoringly at our baby (as usual):


Jeremy:  [reaches down to touch Josephine's face]  Wow, she is warm.


Veronica:  Yeah, she gets hot easily.  I have to be really careful how I dress her.  She seems most comfortable in short sleeves, even though it is getting colder in the house.


Jeremy:  Awesome!  Think of all the money we'll save on coats!

SCENE:  We are watching TV and a lame Arby's commercial comes on.  The guy says "All I really want in life is a little bang for my buck."

Veronica and Jeremy [simultaneously]:  Oh, really?  That's ALL you want? (or something stupid like that.  We are those people who comment on commercials.  I KNOW.)

*PAUSE*

Jeremy:  All I really want in life is a dog that craps hundred dollar bills.

Veronica:  ... Jeremy ... [*half-disgusted/half-amused look*]

*LONG PAUSE*

Jeremy:  Seriously.  That would be pretty awesome.

*LONG PAUSE*

Jeremy:  No, really.  I would be feeding that dog ALL THE TIME.

Veronica:  Seriously?  This is your dream?

Jeremy:  It's not yours?

The Epic First Halloween of Josephine Isabelle

Yesterday was a big day, folks.  I spent the day attempting to get an almost-three-month-old baby to get excited about Halloween.


As you can see, it went well.

I woke her up from a nap to watch Jeremy carve her pumpkin.  Bad idea.  I took 15 pictures and this was the one where she looked the happiest.


But she helped.  A lot.  Check it:  She's so advanced in her motor skills that she was able to help scoop out pumpkin guts.

And she has such a keen eye that she insisted on checking the pumpkin for stray guts before letting Jeremy move on to carving.

She's also brave, because she requested a scary face for her first pumpkin instead of a cute one, like I suggested.


Did I say brave?  Maybe I meant tired because she got woken up again to pose for this picture.  My sister says she looks drunk.  This is actually the one where she looks the least drunk.  The missing sock really adds to her look, I think.

Then I shoved her into her monkey costume.  Look how EXCITED she is!!

Look at the exuberance!  

She might be a little embarrassed by me, in what is clearly my "super model" costume.

We capped it all off with a photo shoot outside with the spooky pumpkin.  

Take me in the house.  NOW!

But, I did get THIS picture:

Look, SHE TOTALLY LOVES HALLOWEEN!!

I hope your evening wasn't as forced!  Happy Halloween!