Funny Stuff My Husband Says, Vol. XIII

My husband is like the funniest guy on the planet.  So, every once and a while, I salute him.  Like today. To see all volumes of Funny Stuff My Husband Says, click here.


SCENE:  I MADE THE BOLD DECISION TO WASH AND DRY OUR COMFORTER, EVEN THOUGH THE TAG SAID NOT TO.
Veronica:  Look!  It came out perfectly, even though the tag said dry-clean only!
Jeremy:  They're clearly in cahoots with the dry-cleaning industry!


SCENE:  JEREMY IS IN THE KITCHEN, LAMENTING OUR DECISION TO NOT KEEP SWEETS IN THE HOUSE.
Jeremy:  Oh, man, I wish we had a Frosty machine in our kitchen.  NO!  WAIT!  I take that back.  A SLURPEE machine.  Yeah, Slurpee, all the way.
Veronica:  Hmmm, I'd rather have a Frosty machine than a Slurpee machine.
Jeremy:  Are you SERIOUS???  God, sometimes it's like I don't even know you.

SCENE:  JEREMY GETS HOME FROM WORK, TAKES OFF HIS BUTTON DOWN LONG-SLEEVE SHIRT AND HANDS IT TO ME, GRINNING PROUDLY.

Jeremy:  Smell the armpits.  

Veronica:  *Quizzical look*

Jeremy:  Trust me.

Veronica:  Whaaa??!?!??!!  The armpits only have a slight scent of deodorant!  No sweat!  How is that possible?

Jeremy:  Because I'm a dainty little flower.