They send me fun little personal e-mails like once a week, just to let ME know what funny (mostly illegal) things are going on in my large, fantastic planet. That's right. They're like,
How are you? We are super. Here are some AWESOME things we wanted to tell you about before we put them on our website. That way YOU know things before everyone else, because you are super-important and will one day be Master of the Universe. So here are the funnies ...
And then I'm like, That's right, bitches and I kick my feet up and chuckle at the expense of others. I highly recommend it.
So here is my favorite happening as of late: A high school in Wisconsin made some very specific rules for their school dances.
And I have a copy of those rules for you! At first it's all like blah blah dress code blah blah guest passes, but THEN ... then there is the "Dancing" section. I won't ruin the surprise. Read for yourself:
(WARNING: I sincerely apologize for the Comic Sans that is about to assault your eyeballs. Blame Wisconsin.)
Yeah. That's right. They banned SEXUAL BENDING. I always wondered what they called that. We called it "dirty dancing" or "dance humping" or, if you were me (or any other brand of goody-two-shoes), "scandalous."
I also sincerely enjoy the use of the word "buttocks" and that they specifically have to ask the students not to touch each other's genitals. They have some spicy dances in the land of cheese!!
However, did anyone else notice that little throw-away comment at the end about the dances being videotaped? Hmmm ... at a school where they specifically had to make rules prohibiting "sexual bending"? I wonder who is viewing these tapes. I'm just sayin' ...