Sooo .... today's my birthday. It feels very different this year. In years past, I was excited for WEEKS and counting down, and reminding Jeremy that April is my BIRTHDAY MONTH and my birthday is too fantastic to only be celebrated on one day, yada yada yada.
This year, I have been kinda meh about it. Even a little ... dare I say ... unhappy that my birthday was approaching. I know everyone who is older than I will be cranky about me saying this, but this is the first year I truly feel "old." I have had milestone birthdays in the past where I suddenly realized I was no longer a kid, but this year, I feel the "my birthday can go hide somewhere" feelings. Especially when I saw how many candles Jeremy had to buy. BLECH.
And while I really thought I was getting more and more practical in the passing years when it came to my birthday wishes, it turns out I was pretty wrong. This year I was thinking, All I really need is a nice new pair of black dress pants for work. Very practical, indeed. But then I caught a bug a few days ago, and I amended that to Yes, all I really want is black pants and Emergen-C. Still practical. Well done, me. But then, I was like, Wait, all I really want is black pants, Emergen-C, and wine. Lots of wine. Lots and lots and lots of wine. That's all. Still rather practical if you think about it. Antioxidants and whatnot. Then the wine got me thinking, and work clothes dropped off the front of the list, and I thought, Yes, Emergen-C, lots and lots and lots of wine, and a back rub. Ahhh, a back rub. But why stop there?? What I REALLY REALLY REALLY want for my birthday, in my heart of hearts? A live-in, full-time masseuse. Sweet baby Jeebus, if you can give me one thing in the world, it would be that. Pretty please????
Yeah, I know I am not getting a live-in, full-time guy (or girl, I'm not picky) who massages me at any hour of the day, but that is still what I want. Like, if we won the lottery and I could only have ONE thing, it would be that. I would live in this crapshack of a house for the rest of my life. I would drive our two vehicles into the ground. I would keep our same grocery budget. But I would have a MASSEUSE. Bliss.
It's like when I was a little sprite (full of energy, no back problems, sigh ... those were the days) and all I wanted in the whole wide world was a horse. Just ONE horse who I could ride, and love, and brush, and braid her mane and tail, and tell stories to, and feed apples. I mean, I don't think I was asking too much, so when my dad said there were supposed "laws" that prohibited the ownership of horses inside city limits, I was positive he was lying. Just like the time he said he accidentally left the back door AND the lid to the aquarium open, and the caterpillar I watched turn into a butterfly must have flown away -- I knew he was just making an excuse.
Veronica: But DAD, we have a BIG YARD and and BARN! Why, oh WHY can't I have just ONE little horse?
Dad: That's not a barn. It's my shed.
Veronica: It LOOKS like a barn. I don't think the horse would be able to tell the difference.
Dad: Well, where would I put the lawnmower and ladders and buckets and tools if the horse lived there?
Veronica: I don't know. On the grass? The important thing is, you just said we could put a horse in there!!
Dad: No, no, no, I didn't. And I'm not lying about those laws, Veronica. Have you ever seen a horse living in the city?
Veronica: No, but we could be the first! How exciting!! *Jumping up and down, clasping hands, trying not to scream with excitement*
Dad: Well, then I would be taken to jail. Would you like that?
Veronica: Dad, I can hide the horse! That's what the BARN is for!
Veronica: Tell me this, Dad. Why did you build it to look like a barn if you didn't want me to have a horse live in it?
Dad: *walking away*
Veronica: Does that mean I can get the horse??!!? Dad? DAD?? Answer me! Hmm, I'll go start measuring for renovations to the barn. *Skips away*
Yes, my dream of a masseuse is just as unrealistic as having a horse in the city, and my husband might point out that on our budget it is actually even MORE unrealistic than keeping a horse in the back yard, but something inside me can't help but want it so desperately I am actually tearing up a bit here. I think I'll go cry on my ten thousand candles.
In other news, happy birthday to me. To all of you: Keep your unrealistic dreams alive. Who knows, right? And, you tell me that this shed doesn't look a lot like a barn.