Thursday, April 28, 2011

A Mean Girl Talks About Royal Wedding Products

OMG OMG OMG OMG.  The royal wedding.  THE ROYAL WEDDING!!  People I don't know in a country I have never been to are GETTING MARRIED!  I have been trembling with joy and excitement ever since Willy slid that big old rock on Kate's commoner finger.  

The only problem?  Finding the best possible souvenirs to commemorate such a momentous event with so many products flooding the market.  I've looked and looked and looked, and the decision is mind-boggling!  Please, help me choose!

(If you find something you MUST have, simply click any of the pictures to be taken to their source on the web. Happy souvenir shopping!)

Why settle for something boring like a t-shirt?

William & Kate Wedding T-Shirt
It's classy -- no doubt about that -- but EVERYONE on my block will already have one of these!  Same thing goes for the replica of Kate's engagement ring.  

While it is certainly a steal at $19.90 (and it's in a class of its own!), all my besties already have these.  I want to STAND OUT in the way I commemorate this blessed event.

Maybe I could KNIT my very own royal wedding to cuddle and cherish and adore for years and years and years!!  

Knit Your Own Royal Wedding Book

Oh, the excitement!  Who will the Queen stand next to?  What color collars shall the Corgies wear?  Will the Prince sleep in MY bed?  Tee hee hee!  I'm getting nervous knots in my stomach just thinking about it.

But I think I might be looking for something a bit more realistic (no offense to Fiona Goble up there, but yarn just doesn't do it for everyone, now does it?).  Maybe the Kate Bridal Doll!

Danbury Mint, ya'll!  Well worth the $159 price tag, if you ask me.  Now, this is just an artist's rendering of her dress, because WE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT SHE WILL WEAR!  Oh me, oh my!  When I FINALLY get to see that dress, all my dreams will have come true.  Well, that and when the doll is made to replicate her and I get it in the mail.  THEN all my dreams will have come true.

But, dolls are not enough for some people.  Some people think .... BIGGER.  Like the people at GE.  Oh, they are they are one step ahead.  TA DA!

Now with every trip to the fridge, I can remember the joy that was the royal wedding.  Sigh.  Just try and STOP me from kissing them every time I prance into my kitchen wearing my replica blue engagement dress!

Speaking of appliances, what is something you use ALL the time and could also be classed-up by plastering W & K's faces upon it?  Yep, the throne.

Heh heh heh.  Get it?  The throne?  

Okay, there is really no classy way to transition from the the above product to romance-time, but that's where I'm headed, so I'll just dive right in.  I'm guessing the royal wedding might make some viewers want to indulge in a little romance themselves.  Ammirite?  Oh, I think I'm right.  Here's the perfect commemorative product in that case:

Royal Romance Massage Oil.  Were you REALLY planning on using regular old massage oil after watching the royal wedding?  As if!

If you happen to be frisky following the festivities, just make me one promise:  Be safe, okay?  But, if you could make me TWO promises, I would ask you be safe AND indulge your need for royal wedding memorabilia.  BAM!

Yeah.  That just happened.  With taglines like "Lie back and think of England," "Like a Royal Wedding, Intercourse with a loved one is an unforgettable occasion," "Contains a triumvirate of regal prophylactics," and "Crown Jewels condoms promise a royal union of pleasure," this is one product that CANNOT be ignored.  

I've got my custom-made "Royal Wedding Viewing Par-tay" PJs all laid out, my teapot polished, and my royal wedding barf bags ready to go (when I get excited, you never know what might happen).  Bring it, bitches.  Bring.  It.


  1. knitted william actually looks like him.

    that's impressive.

  2. knitted william actually looks like him.

    that's impressive.


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