You may or may not know this about me, but I have some serious issues with science. Like, I hate it from time to time.
Way back in 2001 one of my Italian 201 classmates, who was lamenting the fact that her legs always got wet in rainstorms, no matter what angle she held her umbrella, once said, "can't science FIX that?"
Those words have stuck with me, and I am forever getting mad at science for not getting smart enough to make life easier for me.
Like, are you one of those people who smells a smell and gets disgusted by the smell and gets all angry at the smell and then, because of SCIENCE, that smell stays with you all day and won't leave your nose ever and then you want to throw up all the time and then you start thinking that maybe you are going crazy or something might be wrong with your brain, but then you're like, NO, I'm not crazy, SCIENCE is forcing me to smell this smell all the time, and FUCK SCIENCE?
Anyway, an entire jar of kalamata olives got dumped into my purse on the way to work, and I had to smell the smell all day and was afraid all my students would go home after their first day in my class and say, "Man, my teacher smells like OLIVES." And they were one of the four foods I could actually eat, and now I can't eat them anymore AND I had to throw my favorite purse away.
The purse I always get compliments on.
Talk about a tragic day.
Science is pretty much at fault for everything - cancer, AIDS, ebola, our ability to smell bad things in the first place - all science's fault. If it wasn't for science, there never would have been death!
ReplyDeleteStupid science, with it's viruses and smells.
Sorry about your purse :(
So, let me get this straight - science ruined your pregnancy food, your classes, your day, AND your favorite purse?
ReplyDeleteOhhh ... what's that smell?
Oh right, I'm smelling a lawsuit.
A lawsuit against science.
Foiled again...by SCIENCE!
ReplyDeleteI hate Science too. It's funny though how a smell can make you feel all sorts of things. You must let us know what smells start to turn you off now that you're with child! My friends have named coffee as a major culprit. I can't imagine coffee being a negative scent.
ReplyDeleteTales Of A Fourth Grade Nothing
Allie - I, too, blame science for everything. Especially little babies with AIDS. What kind of an assbutt would give a sweet baby AIDS? Science.
ReplyDeleteSarah P - I think you really should be my full-time lawyer on retainer.
Kate - I get foiled by science like twice a day.
Ally - I still love the smell of coffee, thankfully.
I'm afraid I have to come in here and sound the unpopular note! At the risk of taking an unpopular stance! I'm afraid I have to come in here and STAND UP FOR SCIENCE.
ReplyDeleteScience didn't spill those olives into your purse, VMD.
That's my defense of science.
I'm sorry. I love science.
We were to be married. The laws wouldn't permit it, so we couldn't. Not human laws. Scientific laws. It was a very Romeo-Juliet setup. Tragic.
I'm sorry, even after all this time and how everything turned out, I just can't stand to see anyone...come in and...
I'm sorry, I have to go. I'm sorry.
Amazing! "Can't science fix this" kind of reminds me of my favorite complaint to my ex-boyfriend, who's an engineer for a major internet search company. Every time I'm bored at work and have run out of sites to visit, I'll complain: "I've run out of internet. MAKE MORE!"
ReplyDeleteSomehow he always finds a way to say no, though.
Science can kiss my ass. But I also feel the same way about math. Math was put on this earth for the sole purpose of making my life a living hell. So science and math can make a suicide pact and die for all I care.
ReplyDeleteI hate that you had to throw your purse away. I'm also very sensitive to smells so I feel your pain. What a terrible day for you. :(
Science can kiss my ass. But I also feel the same way about math. Math was put on this earth for the sole purpose of making my life a living hell. So science and math can make a suicide pact and die for all I care.
ReplyDeleteI hate that you had to throw your purse away. I'm also very sensitive to smells so I feel your pain. What a terrible day for you. :(
Science is pretty much at fault for everything - cancer, AIDS, ebola, our ability to smell bad things in the first place - all science's fault. If it wasn't for science, there never would have been death!
ReplyDeleteStupid science, with it's viruses and smells.
Sorry about your purse :(
Amazing! "Can't science fix this" kind of reminds me of my favorite complaint to my ex-boyfriend, who's an engineer for a major internet search company. Every time I'm bored at work and have run out of sites to visit, I'll complain: "I've run out of internet. MAKE MORE!"
ReplyDeleteSomehow he always finds a way to say no, though.