In honor of my 50th documented follower (like people who are willing to let other people know they read my blog. Amazing.), I thought I would sprinkle your average days with an above-average dose of hilariousness: Volume IV of Funny Stuff My Husband Says! To see all Volumes, click here.
Please, do enjoy!
SCENE: WE ARE SITTING ON THE COUCH. JEREMY TURNS TO ME, AND, OUT OF NOWHERE SAYS:
Jeremy: Our kids are going to have a leg up on making paper airplanes.*
Veronica: Umm? Paper airplanes? That's nice.
Jeremy: Do you want to know WHY?
Veronica: Of course.
Jeremy: I came up with the best design EVER, and not only did it win the paper airplane competition for distance in 6th grade ... *dramatic pause* ... it won by TWENTY FEET.
JEREMY TURNS AWAY, LOOKING VERY PLEASED WITH HIMSELF, AND CONTINUES WITH WHAT HE WAS DOING.
*Note: This is before we found out I was pregnant
* * * * * *
SCENE: WE ARE SITTING ON THE COUCH, WATCHING AN EPISODE OF SOUTH PARK ABOUT A SPELLING BEE.
Jeremy: Oh, honey, you know what I never told you?
Jeremy: I won the Geography Bee in 5th grade.
Veronica: Oh yeah, you did tell me that.
[JEREMY GIVES ME AN EVIL LOOK]
Veronica: I mean ... you won the GEOGRAPHY bee? Wow! That is really great!
Jeremy: [filled with childlike excitement] Yeah, I know! And I didn't even try!!
FIVE MINUTES LATER
Jeremy: Yeah, I totally didn't even try. And I didn't even find out until the end of the year. They were just like, "And, winner of the geography bee is ... JEREMY DIMICK." And I was like, "Badass!" ... Why are you laughing so hard?
* * * * * *
SCENE: ON THE DAY OF JEREMY'S GRADUATION FROM GRAD SCHOOL, I BROUGHT OUT A CAKE THAT SAID "CONGRATULATIONS JEREMY!" WRITTEN ON IT, JUST LIKE I PROMISED I HAD BOUGHT FOR US TO ENJOY WITH HIS FAMILY
Jeremy: OH MY GOD. It actually has my name on it????!!!?!?!!!
Veronica: Ummm, yes.
Jeremy: But this isn't YOUR handwriting! Who wrote it?
Veronica: The lady at the Meijer Bakery. [I look at Jeremy's mom and blush] I mean ... that fancy bakery down the street ... whatever ... yes, the lady at Meijer wrote it. Why?
Jeremy: How did you get her to do that?
Veronica: I asked her.
Jeremy: And she just DID it? For FREE??!?!!?
Veronica: Yes, just like at every other bakery in the world. Would you like me to cut the cake now, or ...
Jeremy: I'm sorry, but this is totally blowing my mind. For FREE? Just because you asked? Tell me how it happened.
Veronica: Just like you might imagine. Now I am going to serve this cake to your family.
[THREE DAYS LATER]
Jeremy: So let me get this straight. You just walked up to that counter in Meijer and held up a cake and asked them to write on it and they DID and they did it for FREE?
Veronica: Yes, Jeremy. That is exactly what happened.
Jeremy: How did I never know about this???
Veronica: [Silently exits room]