I Just Remembered I am Mad at My Husband

... and boy-oh-boy am I glad I remembered, because I have been super nice to him lately.


So, my husband committed the ultimate betrayal.  And the person he betrayed? His lovely, considerate, NOT overly-dramatic wife.


Imagine this: Your entire life, you have been told you look like a certain celebrity.  You don't think you are this person's twin, but it is nice to be told you look like a celebrity, and you enjoy it every time a new person says it.  It makes you feel a little good about yourself, even though you realize being told you look like said person in no way means you share her fame or cash flow.  But it's nice all the same.


Okay, have you imagined it?  Good.  Because all my life I have been called Julia.  People think I look like Julia Roberts.  And the Internet confirmed it.

Yeah, I agree.  Probably the huge mouth and big chin, and we certainly aren't twins, but there is SOME resemblance.

So here is part two of the scenario I would like am forcing you to imagine:  Your husband says he thinks Julia Roberts is hideous.

YEAH.  HE SAID IT.  TO MY FACE.

And maybe it happened a long time ago, but I am just now realizing how deep he cut me.  I mean, good god, man!  If people say your wife looks like someone, don't say she is "hideous" or  "looks like a horse" or "has the biggest, most obnoxious teeth in the world."  Just don't.

Instead, maybe say something like "Oh, yes, she is lovely.  I can see the resemblance!  People must say you look alike because you are both just so gorgeous and have those big smiles that everyone adores and would NEVER say look like horse mouths!"  

But that's just my advice.  

And now, I must decide what to do to make Jeremy, the husband who claims he loves me and IMPREGNATED me, realize the error of his ways.  I mean, what if the baby comes out with my huge mouth and pointy chin?  Will he tell him/her that he/she also looks like a celebrity he finds hideous?  Because I'm pretty sure CPS would have to get involved at that point.  And DAMN IT, NO ONE IS TAKING MY CHILD AWAY!!