Tuesday, January 12, 2010

I Just Remembered I am Mad at My Husband

... and boy-oh-boy am I glad I remembered, because I have been super nice to him lately.


So, my husband committed the ultimate betrayal.  And the person he betrayed? His lovely, considerate, NOT overly-dramatic wife.


Imagine this: Your entire life, you have been told you look like a certain celebrity.  You don't think you are this person's twin, but it is nice to be told you look like a celebrity, and you enjoy it every time a new person says it.  It makes you feel a little good about yourself, even though you realize being told you look like said person in no way means you share her fame or cash flow.  But it's nice all the same.


Okay, have you imagined it?  Good.  Because all my life I have been called Julia.  People think I look like Julia Roberts.  And the Internet confirmed it.





Yeah, I agree.  Probably the huge mouth and big chin, and we certainly aren't twins, but there is SOME resemblance.


So here is part two of the scenario I would like am forcing you to imagine:  Your husband says he thinks Julia Roberts is hideous.


YEAH.  HE SAID IT.  TO MY FACE.


And maybe it happened a long time ago, but I am just now realizing how deep he cut me.  I mean, good god, man!  If people say your wife looks like someone, don't say she is "hideous" or  "looks like a horse" or "has the biggest, most obnoxious teeth in the world."  Just don't.


Instead, maybe say something like "Oh, yes, she is lovely.  I can see the resemblance!  People must say you look alike because you are both just so gorgeous and have those big smiles that everyone adores and would NEVER say look like horse mouths!"  


But that's just my advice.  


And now, I must decide what to do to make Jeremy, the husband who claims he loves me and IMPREGNATED me, realize the error of his ways.  I mean, what if the baby comes out with my huge mouth and pointy chin?  Will he tell him/her that he/she also looks like a celebrity he finds hideous?  Because I'm pretty sure CPS would have to get involved at that point.  And DAMN IT, NO ONE IS TAKING MY CHILD AWAY!!

12 comments:

  1. ouch, that is a bit rough on his part.

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  2. Well here's a little nugget for ya. First of all hi, new here, you crack me up and I hope we can be blog friends.

    Second, I've been told many many times that I look like the singer Michelle Branch. She's a tough comparison. I STILL haven't decided whether I feel complimented or cut down with it.

    Anyways, I had an ex who said the following, "Yeeeaahhh... I guess. No offense but maybe if you had her body." Yep no problem. No offense taken. What.So.Ever.

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  3. Hmm. I'm going to have to think on this one... Just what is a proper punishment? Maybe you should do a celeb look alike of his face and then we can go from there :P

    and, Baby is going to be gorgeous!

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  4. you crack me up, girl. And, um, just saw the little label for the link to your baby blog and now I'm laughing even harder.
    people always told me I looked like julia stiles. not sure I see it :)

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  5. Yeah, I am glad you remember this too. He needs to make it up to you with like diamonds or something else shinny. ;)

    Stopped by from SITS to say hi and welcome.

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  6. I've been told that I look like Joe Montana. But I think Joe Montana has been told that he looks like me!

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  7. Oh my gosh, RELATIONSHIP ANNULLED. I mean, honestly. Boys can be dumb.

    Seriously, though, the only way I could see the celebrity-mocking going well is if it were prefaced with: "I don't know why people compare you to Julia Roberts! You're so much more beautiful! She's a total horse-mouth." Seriously, how do they not have "how to handle women" classes in college?!

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  8. It could be worse. My boyfriend once said he thought round-faced women were hideous. I'm pretty round-faced. He also likes pettite women. I'm average height and chubby. He likes small boobs. I'm a DD.

    I guess at least I know he's not just dating me for my looks!

    When I tell him he has crap taste in women, he just laughs at me. I can't imagine why.

    ReplyDelete
  9. It could be worse. My boyfriend once said he thought round-faced women were hideous. I'm pretty round-faced. He also likes pettite women. I'm average height and chubby. He likes small boobs. I'm a DD.

    I guess at least I know he's not just dating me for my looks!

    When I tell him he has crap taste in women, he just laughs at me. I can't imagine why.

    ReplyDelete
  10. It could be worse. My boyfriend once said he thought round-faced women were hideous. I'm pretty round-faced. He also likes pettite women. I'm average height and chubby. He likes small boobs. I'm a DD.

    I guess at least I know he's not just dating me for my looks!

    When I tell him he has crap taste in women, he just laughs at me. I can't imagine why.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Oh my gosh, RELATIONSHIP ANNULLED. I mean, honestly. Boys can be dumb.

    Seriously, though, the only way I could see the celebrity-mocking going well is if it were prefaced with: "I don't know why people compare you to Julia Roberts! You're so much more beautiful! She's a total horse-mouth." Seriously, how do they not have "how to handle women" classes in college?!

    ReplyDelete

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