Sunday, January 3, 2010

Funny Stuff My Husband Says, Vol. IV

In honor of my 50th documented follower (like people who are willing to let other people know they read my blog.  Amazing.), I thought I would sprinkle your average days with an above-average dose of hilariousness: Volume IV of Funny Stuff My Husband Says! To see all Volumes, click here.


Please, do enjoy!


SCENE:  WE ARE SITTING ON THE COUCH.  JEREMY TURNS TO ME, AND, OUT OF NOWHERE SAYS:


Jeremy:  Our kids are going to have a leg up on making paper airplanes.*


Veronica:  Umm?  Paper airplanes?  That's nice.


Jeremy:  Do you want to know WHY?


Veronica:  Of course.


Jeremy:  I came up with the best design EVER, and not only did it win the paper airplane competition for distance in 6th grade ... *dramatic pause* ... it won by TWENTY FEET.


JEREMY TURNS AWAY, LOOKING VERY PLEASED WITH HIMSELF, AND CONTINUES WITH WHAT HE WAS DOING.


*Note: This is before we found out I was pregnant


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SCENE:  WE ARE SITTING ON THE COUCH, WATCHING AN EPISODE OF SOUTH PARK ABOUT A SPELLING BEE.


Jeremy:  Oh, honey, you know what I never told you?


Veronica:  What?


Jeremy:  I won the Geography Bee in 5th grade.


Veronica:  Oh yeah, you did tell me that.


[JEREMY GIVES ME AN EVIL LOOK]


Veronica:  I mean ... you won the GEOGRAPHY bee?  Wow!  That is really great!


Jeremy:  [filled with childlike excitement] Yeah, I know!  And I didn't even try!!


FIVE MINUTES LATER


Jeremy:  Yeah, I totally didn't even try.  And I didn't even find out until the end of the year.  They were just like, "And, winner of the geography bee is ... JEREMY DIMICK."  And I was like, "Badass!"  ... Why are you laughing so hard?


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SCENE:  ON THE DAY OF JEREMY'S GRADUATION FROM GRAD SCHOOL, I BROUGHT OUT A CAKE THAT SAID "CONGRATULATIONS JEREMY!" WRITTEN ON IT, JUST LIKE I PROMISED I HAD BOUGHT FOR US TO ENJOY WITH HIS FAMILY


Jeremy:  OH MY GOD.  It actually has my name on it????!!!?!?!!!


Veronica:  Ummm, yes.


Jeremy:  But this isn't YOUR handwriting!  Who wrote it?


Veronica:  The lady at the Meijer Bakery.  [I look at Jeremy's mom and blush]  I mean ... that fancy bakery down the street ... whatever ... yes, the lady at Meijer wrote it.  Why?


Jeremy:  How did you get her to do that?


Veronica:  I asked her.


Jeremy:  And she just DID it?  For FREE??!?!!?


Veronica:  Yes, just like at every other bakery in the world.  Would you like me to cut the cake now, or ...


Jeremy:  I'm sorry, but this is totally blowing my mind.  For FREE?  Just because you asked?  Tell me how it happened.


Veronica:  Just like you might imagine.  Now I am going to serve this cake to your family.


[THREE DAYS LATER]


Jeremy:  So let me get this straight.  You just walked up to that counter in Meijer and held up a cake and asked them to write on it and they DID and they did it for FREE?


Veronica:  Yes, Jeremy.  That is exactly what happened.


Jeremy:  How did I never know about this???


Veronica: [Silently exits room]

6 comments:

  1. ...and I thought you married him because you loved him, not because he was good material for your blog...

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  2. The cake thingy made me LOL ...

    Poor Jeremy

    Luckily he has those awesome paper airplane building skills ;)

    -Sounds like y'all have fun together!

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  3. I wonder how much time he spent thinking about the cake miracle between those conversations.

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  4. I'm pretty sure he thought of it non-stop. :)

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  5. omigod you make me laugh! My husband has the attention span of a 2nd grader and he is OBSESSED with building model ships.... with our 7 month old son, who would much rather eat the choke hazard parts than see an end result.

    ReplyDelete

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