This brings me to my critique of Season 2 of 16 and Pregnant. Man-alive, they sure were saving all the biggest shithead idiot baby-daddies for this season. Allow me to elaborate.
Episode 1: Jenelle. Jenelle's boyfriend lives 4 hours away with his parents, where he has no job, no car, no money, and yet somehow finds a way to average a few DUIs a week. He is a prince among men, I tell you.
Right after Andrew curses out Jenelle's parents in their driveway. Who WOULDN'T bang this guy?
In the end, Jenelle finally does see what her mom was yelling about when he doesn't call for the first month of their baby's life -- due to being in the clink. Plus there was that phone call where he told her she was a piece of crap and less than a dog to him. I'm no realtionship expert, but I've heard that is not a nice thing to say. He also made it very clear that her and her parents would have to raise the baby themselves because there was "no point in him even trying to get a job." He is too cool for work, unlike the rest of us slobs. I guess if you have parents who will support you while you drive around drunk, you wouldn't have any motivation to get a job either. Or maybe you would, because you have a SOUL.
However, it turns out that Andrew was NOTHING compared to our next little assbutt.
Episode 2: Nikkole. From good old Michigan, Nikkole really knows how to pick 'em. Her boyfriend, Josh, who broke up with her after finding out she was pregnant, is literally the most annoying, immature little piece of shit I have ever seen in my life. For some reason, she kept begging for more, and brought him around all the time to tell her she was worthless. The moment that made my blood boil so much that I almost burst an artery was when he PUSHED HER OVER TO THE SIDE OF THE BED WHILE SHE WAS IN LABOR and said "Quit taking up all the fucking room. And don't be such a baby. It isn't all about you." After that he stormed out because everyone was being mean to him.
Nikkole cries to her mom
Shortly thereafter, Josh starts cheating on Nikkole with the girl he cheated with while she was pregnant, and then tells her she means nothing to him and he doesn't care if he never sees her again. The show ends with Nikkole hoping for a future that includes Josh in her happy little family. Of COURSE.
And finally, Episode 3: Valerie. Yeah, Valerie's boyfriend dumps her when he finds out she's pregnant, demands a paternity test (he watches too much Maury) and in return, she keeps calling and calling. He says he doesn't want to ever talk to her again unless it's about the baby. Guess what? He also has no job, lives with a friend, doesn't have a car, and is "having difficulties finding time to look for a job." Valerie convinces him to come back around after the baby is born, and the little shit manages to tell her in the same conversation that he loves her and never wants to see her again. What does she get from this? Yes. Hope that one day her prince will return. Good God.
I can't wait for him to tell me he never wants to speak to me again for the sixth time. I can't get enough of it.
So, my little lovelies. What have we learned today? It is crucial to use birth control (or abstinence) if you don't want a child. Also, if you are having sex with a douchebag, maybe you should go ahead and use two or three forms of birth control. Or listen to your girlfriends (and mom *shiver*) and break up with him.
Also? MTV now hates teenage boys. You have a one-way ticket to my heart, you silly old television network.
all images from mtv.com
all images from mtv.com
I saw that Nikkole one. I wanted to scream SO BADLY. Go birth control!
ReplyDeleteI blame their parents, and this is why:
ReplyDeleteYou name your daughter Nicole, only replacing the C with two Ks, and you've pretty much decided that she will be pregnant at 16.
You name your daughter Jenelle, and you've guaranteed your daughter will not only be pregnant before she's even ripe, but you have also given her a headstart toward being chosen for an MTV reality show in which she will be exploited at the most sensitive and perhaps embarrassing moment of her life.
The only thing worse would be to name your anything that normally ends in a Y, but instead end it with an I. That's a guarantee she basically shoots straight from your vagina to a stripper pole.
Hey, so, I think that this is the show that filmed at Ullenbruchs on Valentines day.....unless there are TWO shows about pregnant teens on Mtv..... could be. Anyway, yeah. Look for it. They filmed Laura.
ReplyDeleteI just really hope that these are the shining examples of American youth that MTV found for their show, and not the norm.
ReplyDeleteI agree! But have you seen Teen Mom?? OMG- my cherry practically pops are the trashtastic insanity!
ReplyDeleteDear Parents of America,
Please show your son how to use a condom on a banana. Get your daughter on birth control. Fuck the pill, she might "forget" get her a god damn IUD or something.
And you know what pisses me off? How do these parents not have control over their kids? My ass was in the house no later than 9. If I was in the yard you better believe my dad would belt my ass if I got in at 9:02. I rule with an iron fist with my kids. You slack off and forget it.
My fav was Nikkole's bf was like, "Guys have a higher pain threshold I guess." Let's try it. Let me grab your dick and do a 180 turn on it. And for good measure let's flatten your balls. Let's see how you do. ;) OR..we could shove a watermelon up his ass. It's the same thing only backwards.
Completely appreciate this post...thank you.
ReplyDeleteIt's so rare I remember to watch a show and of course, I forgot to keep up with this one as well.
Dang, I'm missing out!
Not only is this a great post, but your faithful and loyal followers have come up with some pretty hilarious comments of their own!
ReplyDeleteI can barely get through that show anymore! Those kids need to be spanked, I don't care if they're 16 or not!
ReplyDeleteOh I couldnt agree more! After the BF tells me for the 100th time that I am too old for MTV I watch all my DVR'd shows! ahahaha and oh the 1st guy YES what a loser and how can she be a piece of sh*t for going to a fair!? I mean really insecure boy she is all knocked up she isnt goign to do anything BAD! i havent seen the other two but they are next =D
ReplyDeleteRobin -- I KNOW! It was the worst!
ReplyDeleteSarah -- the mom's name was Rikki ... she probably figured the only way to have a bond with her daughter was to name her Nikkole. I love you name assessment. I totally concur.
Amanda -- There have already been TWO from Michigan out of like 11 total and none of them went into Ullenbruch's so there must be a THIRD coming up!!
Ed -- well, at least you still have hope. Good for you!
Smart Ass Sara -- I KNOW!! How trashy are Gary and Amber?? They are the best! And I want to MURDER Maci's baby-daddy.
Steph -- you really are. While you are out living your life, I am basking in the glow of TV. Poor you.
Joe -- I totally agree! They rock!
Sara -- I would NEVER spank my child!! However, I do advocate PUNCHING if they turn out like those shits.
Nicole -- Yeah, wait until you see Nikkole. It gets worse.
OMG I am ADDICTED too. And for the record, I wanted to jump through the frickin' television and slap Josh myself. Why no one else did it I have NO idea.
ReplyDeleteEven his MOTHER hates him! Come on!
He needs to be neutered.
OMG I am ADDICTED too. And for the record, I wanted to jump through the frickin' television and slap Josh myself. Why no one else did it I have NO idea.
ReplyDeleteEven his MOTHER hates him! Come on!
He needs to be neutered.
I agree! But have you seen Teen Mom?? OMG- my cherry practically pops are the trashtastic insanity!
ReplyDeleteDear Parents of America,
Please show your son how to use a condom on a banana. Get your daughter on birth control. Fuck the pill, she might "forget" get her a god damn IUD or something.
And you know what pisses me off? How do these parents not have control over their kids? My ass was in the house no later than 9. If I was in the yard you better believe my dad would belt my ass if I got in at 9:02. I rule with an iron fist with my kids. You slack off and forget it.
My fav was Nikkole's bf was like, "Guys have a higher pain threshold I guess." Let's try it. Let me grab your dick and do a 180 turn on it. And for good measure let's flatten your balls. Let's see how you do. ;) OR..we could shove a watermelon up his ass. It's the same thing only backwards.
I blame their parents, and this is why:
ReplyDeleteYou name your daughter Nicole, only replacing the C with two Ks, and you've pretty much decided that she will be pregnant at 16.
You name your daughter Jenelle, and you've guaranteed your daughter will not only be pregnant before she's even ripe, but you have also given her a headstart toward being chosen for an MTV reality show in which she will be exploited at the most sensitive and perhaps embarrassing moment of her life.
The only thing worse would be to name your anything that normally ends in a Y, but instead end it with an I. That's a guarantee she basically shoots straight from your vagina to a stripper pole.