As Promised: Boobies

In my angry post about people not liking penises, I said my next post would be about boobs.  I was pretty much joking for a good closer to the post, but then people started telling me they were looking forward to my boobies post.  So here we are.


Gentlemen, I tried REALLY HARD to find a funny clip from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia  and that was going to be your little gift, but I couldn't find it.  And I am not going to just put gratuitous pictures of boobs up here.  So ... whatever.


Okay, ladies -- there are so many things we could talk about when it comes to boobies.  Fake boobs, finding a good bra, secrets to great cleavage, or the fact that I have had constant back pain since I was twelve and my chiropractor was like, "Yeah, um, you have big boobs.  If you want your back to feel all better you have to chop most of your boobs off." (or something like that)


However, what I really want to talk about is the "grass is always greener" syndrome women seem to have when it comes to "the ladies" (my preferred moniker).


Okay, let's get hypothetical here.  Let's say I have breasts that are on the larger size.  Let's also say that someone close to me has not-as-large breasts.  Let's also say this person could never really understand the daily struggles *I* faced with big boobs because *she* was so angry about her daily struggle with not-as-humongous boobs.  Maybe she used to say things to me like, "Well, why don't you donate some of those to me?" when it was my greatest wish in the whole world to donate as much of them as possible.  If my back hurt from the stress of holding up Double-Ds all day, she might say something like, "at least you have something to put in a bra!" and if I was trying on shirts and there was not enough room in the boobage area, she might say, "OH, I feel SO sorry for you that you actually have boobs to fill out a shirt with."  At the same time, I never came out and said that I could sympathize with her struggles to find a bra that fit and shirts that looked appropriate.  I had the same problems, just in a very different way.

While this is all hypothetical, I feel like every woman has seen this scenario play out dozens of times.  Women with A-cups attack women with DDs for not "appreciating" what they have.  Women with big boobs attack women with little boobs for not understanding the constant struggle massive titties are and not appreciating that THEY can never go without a bra like those free-wheeling little ladies.

COME ON.  Seriously?  Fake, natural, huge, tiny, medium, perky, saggy, uneven -- I do not know many women who are happy with their breasts.  And most women are comparing their breasts to other people's breasts.  And most of the time they are comparing their breasts to celebrity breasts, breasts that have an abundance of magical bras and strong tape and their own make-up artists.  Why can't women not only learn to like their breasts the way they are but ALSO stop getting mad at people who have larger/smaller breasts than them?  We all have problems, so appreciate that while someone who is a very different size than you certainly does not struggle in the exact same way you do, they have their own struggles and those feel just as horrible as yours.

Sigh.  That came off a little more ranty than I expected.  But seriously ladies.  If you hate your ladies, just know that there are people who would DIE to have them, whether they be big, small, or anywhere in between.No, wait, I changed my mind.  I think what all of this REALLY means is that all the large- and small-boobied ladies should band together and HATE THE MIDDLE-SIZED BOOBS!!!  

Just kidding.  I love you B- and C-cups.  Congratulations on your nice size and almost guaranteed perkiness.


Peace, Love, and Boobies!