UPDATED! Finally -- a Reality Show My Little Sister Might Watch With Me!

OMG OMG OMG.  Y'all -- did you hear who is coming back into our lives?  I'll give you a few hints:


1.  They're twins.
2.  They had a neighbor named Roger.


If you still don't know (which means you were NEVER a true fan), here is the biggest hint:


3.  

I totally had one of those hats.  And if you did too?  Well, then you're awesome.  

YES.  Tia and Tamera Mowry are BACK baby!  They have a reality show on The Style Network, and I don't know about you, but I AM WATCHING IT.  Check out the premise:

  

Uh oh.  Totally unprepared.  And hijinks ensue!  Good for them, too.  I like those girls, so I'm glad they're working.  I mean, it's not NBC or anything, but I'm already tuning in to the Style Network to watch my Jerseylicious (I HIGHLY recommend it), so why not add one more reality show to my schedule, right?

And don't worry.  If your life is too full to watch another TV show (which sounds highly improbable if you ask me), I will be sure to give you a full review after the premiere.  Sister, Sister.  I never knew just how much I missed ya ...

source, source, source

UPDATED:  So, my little sister, who watched Sister Sister with me all the g-d time and LOVED it (to the best of my recollection), wrote THIS comment on this post:

Ouch.

Luckily, my sister-in-law said THIS:

I also asked my sister under which circumstances she would join me in my reality TV viewing.  No word back yet.  Stay tuned.

Catching Up with The Duggars: Now with More Rage and Disbelief

The Duggars.  Oh, the Duggars.  


My love affair with the super-sized family began when I saw their very first special on the Discovery Health Channel (this was during my little phase where I had that channel on pretty much exclusively.  I learned a lot.  Maybe a little too much.) and I have been with them ever since.

Here's my problem with those rascally Duggars:  For every sweet, adorable, or interesting thing that happens on the show, there is something ridiculous, strange, or offensive to balance it out.  I go from laughing at something that little scamp Jackson said to shaking my head while Jim Bob explain's a woman's "proper" place.  Guh.


So really, it probably shouldn't have shocked me all that much when the Duggars took a family trip to the shooting range.  Everyone except the infant, Josie, of course, because you have to be OVER the age of one to shoot a firearm.  Duh.


And actually, I was just thinking, "Par for the course" until the 5-year-old asked his dad, "Dad, why do I have to wear goggles?" and Jim Bob matter-of-factly replied, "So you don't get a bullet in your eye."


Really Jim Bob?  REALLY?!!?  You have NO PROBLEM letting your CHILDREN shoot guns, and have no problem not only presenting them with the image of getting shot in the eye, but with putting them in a position where that could actually happen ... but you strongly believe women are "not meant" to wear pants and every female Duggar has to wear an ankle-length skirt.  


According to Jim Bob, women wearing pants is like them making promises they don't intend to keep, and that is too difficult for men to understand.


So, let me get this straight: when women wear pants, men THINK those women are offering their vaginas to them, but the women are NOT because good ladies don't have sex (unless it is to make a Duggar), and since good boys don't have sex (unless it is to make a Duggar), it is mean of those loose pants-wearing women to PRETEND they are going to give them the sexy time, because all boys have feeble little brains and they will not be able to control themselves or sort out their emotions when they see the outline of a leg shape.  But a child under the age of ten shooting a gun?  Not dangerous in the least.


I don't mean this to be an anti-gun post.  I am not a gun-lover by any means, but I am going to go ahead and assume that even people who are fans of guns will agree that shooting a gun could be slightly more dangerous than wearing pants.  Just a thought.


I surely hope those teen and tween Duggar girls (who do ALL of the cooking and cleaning and childcare and serve their brothers hand and foot) are not cooking up leg-shaped food.  Or, heaven forbid, actual LEGS, like chicken legs, because who KNOWS what would happen!  Chaos at the dinner table!  Inappropriate touching of legs!  Boy brains exploding all over the tater tot casserole!


And, um, does anyone one else think that rule is a little weird considering those kids only ever see EACH OTHER?  What are you REALLY afraid of, Jim Bob?  Hmmmm? 

Let's Ban All Awards Since They Make Me Sad

Okay, so I totally watch Toddlers and Tiaras.  If you aren't watching it, you really should be.  it is like horror on a stick and it totally freaks the shit out of my husband because he thinks it is creeping into my subconscious and I will take our precious young daughter and put her into pageants.  No worries, my love.  I'm sure I will force her to do a lot of things, like dance classes and piano lessons and whatnot, but you are safe from the world of pageants.


It hit me the other night that one of the things I hate most about these pageants is at the end, before they crown the overall winners, they give out awards like "prettiest eyes" and "prettiest hair" and "prettiest smile" and "prettiest face" and ... my god, the looks on the other little girls' faces when THEY don't have the prettiest of something.  Or the prettiest anything.  They start this at age "newborn."  To see those 4, 5, and even 8-year-olds realizing that they are not pretty enough.  It is heartbreaking.

{source}

Yeah, I know the same thing ultimately happens in the end when they crown the overall winners, but breaking apart the features like that?  It really gets to me.


I told Jeremy that it was the most disgusting part of the pageant, and he said, "Isn't it a lot like the mock elections in junior high and high school?" Thanks a lot, smart ass.  You got me there.


I was not a popular kid in school, and I was certain when I transferred schools in 6th grade that I would never attain popularity, and therefore never win a "title" in mock elections once we go to junior high.  Imagine my surprise when I won "prettiest hair" in 7th grade!!  I was freakin' ecstatic! But, come one, how could you NOT give this hair an award in 1994?

When our senior class mock elections came around, I knew I was not in contention for prettiest anything.  At this point, I was the yearbook editor, an aide in the front office, in honors classes, did not play sports for the school (but took dance lessons three days a week and played for a non-school soccer league), did not get invited to any of the parties people threw, and often brought boys from other schools to dances (because no one at my school would ask me).  So, nerdalicious.  Whatever.  I took life a little too seriously at the time.  


Imagine my surprise when I won a title!!  I was on top of the world.  People liked me!  They really really liked me!  They must have liked me all along! Maybe we could start being friends now, and I would be popular and loved and invited to all the parties that summer!!


What did I win, you ask?  


Most Responsible.  So, like, the lamest of the lame.  I basically won "Little Miss Goody-Two-Shoes of the Graduating Class of 2000."  A slight bummer. Plus, no one wanted to be my friend or invite me to parties.  So, a total wash.


Then, on graduation day, I got another unexpected award: Outstanding Senior.  I was shocked and proud and happy, even though it is an award that all the faculty vote on, meaning it was a "teacher's favorite" award. Whatever.  It was a trophy, and the only other one of those I had was from earning second place in kindergarten little league, and I had DEFINITELY not contributed to our team winning any games.  I was usually picking dandelions in the outfield.  But I got a lot of fresh air.


I was still happy ... until I went to the all-night party after graduation.  One of my kind and lovely classmates came up to me and said, "Wow, so you won Outstanding Senior, huh?" to which I humbly (and honestly) answered, "I know, I was really shocked."  This lovely lady returned with, "Yeah, the whole class is shocked too.  We thought someone who deserved it would get it, not you," and left me there to have a stern talk with my eyeballs, telling them to KEEP THE DAMN TEARS INSIDE because I didn't want to earn the title of "Class Crybaby" while I was there.


So, here we are.  Full circle.  Awards suck.  Even the line dancing trophy I won five years ago during a trip to Texas.  Maybe it was a joke and they were making fun of me and I was actually the WORST line dancer and they were all laughing at me after I won.


As you can see, awards damage psyches.  And possibly lead to massive psychosis.  And are probably the reason I am chunky.  And maybe they are the root of my constant back pain.  CLEARLY, I would be totally perfect if awards did not exist.  Case closed.

How Seinfeld Changed the World

Oh Seinfeld.  Sweet, sweet Seinfeld.  How I cherish you and the many beautiful moments you beamed into my home.  This post is an homage to you and the ways you have reached out and changed the world around you.

  

Soup Nazi

Ah, the beloved Soup Nazi from episode 116, "The Soup Nazi," (season 7). The gang is turned on to the best soup in NYC only to discover there are STRICT rules for ordering or "NO SOUP FOR YOU!"  

Not only do people recognize the Soup Nazi, but adding the word "Nazi" after another word is now a common way to describe someone who is unflinching with the rules.  For example, my students have called me not only a Grammar Nazi, but a Comma Nazi.  I take it as a huge compliment. 


"Yada Yada Yada"

In episode 153, "The Yada Yada," (season 8), we were brought the phrase "yada yada yada":

If you tried to tell me that you had never heard anyone say "yada yada yada," I would call you a straight up liar.  And if merchandise is any indication (which it almost always is), people love the yada yada yada.  A quick search turned up dozens of things, from mugs, coasters, t-shirts, and bags ...

... to a book series ..

The Yada Yada Prayer Group book series

... to electronics.

The Yada Yada Yada voice recorder

The yada yadas have it.


Muffin tops

In episode 155, "The Muffin Tops," (Season 8), Elaine tells her former boss, Mr. Lippman, about her million dollar idea for a store that only sells the tops of the muffins -- since they are obviously the best part of the muffin. Lippman starts a business called Top of the Muffin to You! shortly thereafter, but the business doesn't take off until Elaine explains he should make the WHOLE muffin and pop the top off.  Soon they are faced with the challenge of disposing of the "stumps."  

All in all, a wonderful episode because DOESN'T everyone love the top of the muffin?  It is so obviously the best.  I always save mine for last.  Plus, the copious use of the word "stumps" in reference to the rest of the muffin is killer.

Anyway, every time someone sees me pull the top off my muffin, they ask me about Elaine and Top of the Muffin to You!, and I am always excited to see how far Seinfeld is reaching into the muffin world.

Also, THIS exists:

The Muffin Top Pan by Chicago Metallic, $13.95

I mean, it goes against everything Elaine taught Lippman, but ...

Also -- while I have no evidence for this claim -- I bet all of the talk about muffin tops caused by Seinfeld led to people calling the pudge that pops out on the top of jeans a "muffin top."  

Again, I have no hard evidence for this, but when have I ever had evidence for something I posted on this blog?  Like never.

Shrinkage

In episode 85, "The Hamptons," (season 6) Jerry's girlfriend walks in on George as he is changing after swimming.  She is amused by what she sees, even though George tries to explain it was due to "shrinkage" from the cold water.  Later, Jerry and George explain the phenomenon to Elaine, saying it hides "like a frightened turtle" in cold water.  


Not only did they bring attention to a serious problem that has plagued mankind since the beginning of time, but they gave it a name.  In a valiant effort to clear the name of good men everywhere, Seinfeld goes above and beyond the call of duty.


Feel free to continue to spread the word:

Festivus

Perhaps the most widespread of the Seinfeld-isms, Festivus was introduced by Frank Costanza in episode 166, "The Strike," (season 9).  As Frank explains, "Many Christmases ago, I went to buy a doll for my son.  I reach for the last one they had -- but so did another man.  As I rained blows upon him, I realized there had to be another way."  And so Festivus was born, with a pole instead of a tree, and airing of grievances and feats of strengths instead of gift giving. 

Festivus took fans by storm.

There is a Ben & Jerry's flavor named for it ...

... you can buy your very own Festivus pole ....

www.festivuspoles.com

... you can air your grievances "officially" ...

www.festivuspoles.com

... and make donations in your friends' names to the Human Fund.

And by god, you can even buy a Festivus thong for $12!

Thank goodness it is made in the USA.

What does it all mean?  Festivus is here to stay.  And Seinfeld is so influential that it could make up a holiday and the world would jump on board.

Seinfeld, we barely knew ye.  Nine short seasons were not enough.  And Jerry?  The Marriage Ref is not making up for the loss we have suffered. Try harder next time!


image sources not otherwise linked: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15

Measured Thoughts on *Dancing with the Stars*

Hey, did you watch Dancing with the Stars the other night?  Usually, my answer to that question would be NO, but ... well ... Jeremy was out of town and KATE GOSSELIN was on, so I stopped in for a brief visit.  I was not disappointed.


I know there are a lot of die-hard fans out there, and I am just a newbie, but I thought I would share some of my impressions of this season premiere.


Away we go:


1.  I missed Niecy Nash.  I feel supremely disappointed about this.  However, I DID see her outfit, and *wolf whistle*!  Go girl!

2.  I also missed Chad Ochocinco.  I do not feel disappointed about this.

3.  Okay, Buzz Aldrin.  Really?  REALLY?!?!  You should have seen Jeremy lose his shit when I told him that Buzz was going to be on the show.  He was shouting and pacing the room and making large gesticulations with his arms.  It was actually pretty amusing.  The best I could tell him is maybe Buzz heard the word "stars" and thought he was signing on to do some sort of show that dealt with space.  I mean, he is old.

And this fact was certainly highlighted in his routine.  Talk about stiff legs and a lot more shuffling than actual moving.  Also, did anyone else notice that he was COUNTING the entire time?  One time I saw his partner say something to him and he stopped moving his lips for like 10 seconds, but then he was counting again.  And the way his partner was dancing with him and looking at him, it looked like she was giving dancing lessons at an old folks home.  I don't want to see pity on anyone's face when they interact with someone who has been on the moon.  So sad.

4.  Kate Gosselin.  Dear god.  Once I saw those hideous extensions, I knew I would wait the entire show to see her "dance."  Yeah, I put the word dance in quotation marks, because I would not consider what she did dancing.  Buzz Aldrin was more flexible and graceful than Kate.  A BROOM would be more flexible and graceful than Kate.  

And that LOOK she had on her face the whole time.  It was this fake, forced smile that looked more like a growl than anything else.  It was painful to watch.  And her new huge boobs -- they just do not fit her body, and it was clear that Kate is not used to carrying those suckers around, because she held herself in a very strange way.  Like she was leading with her boobs maybe?  Or maybe she was being sucked into the earth boobs first?  

However, it was entertaining, because the whole time she was dancing, I was giggling over something Joel McHale said last week: "Kate Gosselin is going to be on Dancing with the Stars, which is great, because now her kids will get to see her an hour a week!"  BURN!

5.  And last, but not least, Pamela Anderson.  Oh.  My.  Word.  Talk about scandalous.  I felt like I was at a strip club.  She was not ballroom dancing.  She was dancing like she was auctioning off her cha-cha ... and not the dance.  Get it?  Her cha-cha?  Pun.

Anyway, it was uncomfortable.  Even for the judges, and they are used to being uncomfortable.  Obviously.  They had to watch THIS face:

There you have it.  Who will win?  I don't know.  Will I watch it again?  Not if Jeremy is living in the same house.  Will Buzz Aldrin make it through one more dance routine without having a heart attack?  Someone fill me in next week.


all images from abc.com

General Ranting

Guess what?  This post is going to be both highly original AND unbelievably interesting.  Yes, it is actually a list of things making me mad this morning.  Hold on to your britches.


1.  It's Monday.


2.  My car decided last night that it was done with me and is now refusing to start.  So it might need a new starter or alternator.


3.  This means I had to drive my darling husband's car to work this morning.  While I love my husband, I curse his choice in cars.  His Camaro is slowly rumbling its way to the grave.  It shakes.  It chugs.  It makes horribly loud noises.  It scares the living crap out of me and I am sure that at any minute I will be careening to my death.  It also only has one setting for the driver's seat -- almost completely horizontal.  Do you know who drives around like that?  Hoodlums, that's who.


4.  I only work two days this week and then have two weeks off.  So, if my car could have waited a week, it would have been no big deal at all.


5.  There are oh-so-many things we need to buy and oh-so-many things I want to buy (like more maternity clothes so I have more than three outfits I can wear to work), but now we will spend money on my STUPID CAR just because it is mad at me for something.  It's probably mad that I left like three coffee cups in the backseat (my travel mugs all disappeared) and two of them smashed together and broke and I didn't clean it up yet.  It' the only reason I can think of.


6.  I had a blog post all ready to go about the latest episode of 16 and Pregnant and how the boyfriend was the worst human being in history, but at least at the end she came to her senses and cut him out of their life and had the baby's last name changed.  I was so proud of that little bitch, and then I watched the after-show online, and she was all, "Well, we're off and on.  He breaks up with me and then posts stuff on the Internet about me being a fat whore, but then we get back together a few days later ... tee hee."  And I was all, "TEE HEE?  What is wrong with you???"  It made me irrationally mad at how much faith I had in her moving on and being a strong parent.


7.  THIS is how big I am already, even though I am only 4 1/2 months pregnant.


8.  Plus, did I mention it's Monday?


But I love each and every one of you.  Can you maybe tell me you love me?  Just a little?  Please and thanks. 

Breaking News: I Love 16 & Pregnant with All of My Heart. All of It.

I don't know if you know me, but ... HI, I am a reality TV fanatic.  And, much to my husband's chagrin, one of my top most favoritest shows ever of all the time is 16 and Pregnant on MTV.  It's got more drama than a The Bad Girls Club plus all of the Real Housewives  plus tequila plus a jacuzzi scene from The Real World.  Plus a message: CONDOMS.  BIRTH CONTROL.  NOT HAVING SEX WITH BOYS WHO TELL YOU THAT YOU ARE A PIECE OF CRAP.

This brings me to my critique of Season 2 of 16 and Pregnant.  Man-alive, they sure were saving all the biggest shithead idiot baby-daddies for this season.  Allow me to elaborate.

Episode 1:  Jenelle.  Jenelle's boyfriend lives 4 hours away with his parents, where he has no job, no car, no money, and yet somehow finds a way to average a few DUIs a week.  He is a prince among men, I tell you.

Right after Andrew curses out Jenelle's parents in their driveway.  Who WOULDN'T bang this guy?

In the end, Jenelle finally does see what her mom was yelling about when he doesn't call for the first month of their baby's life -- due to being in the clink.  Plus there was that phone call where he told her she was a piece of crap and less than a dog to him.  I'm no realtionship expert, but I've heard that is not a nice thing to say.  He also made it very clear that her and her parents would have to raise the baby themselves because there was "no point in him even trying to get a job."  He is too cool for work, unlike the rest of us slobs.  I guess if you have parents who will support you while you drive around drunk, you wouldn't have any motivation to get a job either.  Or maybe you would, because you have a SOUL.

However, it turns out that Andrew was NOTHING compared to our next little assbutt.

Episode 2:  Nikkole.  From good old Michigan, Nikkole really knows how to pick 'em.  Her boyfriend, Josh, who broke up with her after finding out she was pregnant, is literally the most annoying, immature little piece of shit I have ever seen in my life.  For some reason, she kept begging for more, and brought him around all the time to tell her she was worthless.  The moment that made my blood boil so much that I almost burst an artery was when he PUSHED HER OVER TO THE SIDE OF THE BED WHILE SHE WAS IN LABOR and said "Quit taking up all the fucking room.  And don't be such a baby.  It isn't all about you."  After that he stormed out because everyone was being mean to him.

Nikkole cries to her mom

Shortly thereafter, Josh starts cheating on Nikkole with the girl he cheated with while she was pregnant, and then tells her she means nothing to him and he doesn't care if he never sees her again.  The show ends with Nikkole hoping for a future that includes Josh in her happy little family.  Of COURSE.

And finally, Episode 3: Valerie.  Yeah, Valerie's boyfriend dumps her when he finds out she's pregnant, demands a paternity test (he watches too much Maury) and in return, she keeps calling and calling.  He says he doesn't want to ever talk to her again unless it's about the baby.  Guess what?  He also has no job, lives with a friend, doesn't have a car, and is "having difficulties finding time to look for a job."  Valerie convinces him to come back around after the baby is born, and the little shit manages to tell her in the same conversation that he loves her and never wants to see her again.  What does she get from this?  Yes.  Hope that one day her prince will return.  Good God.

I can't wait for him to tell me he never wants to speak to me again for the sixth time.  I can't get enough of it. 

So, my little lovelies.  What have we learned today?  It is crucial to use birth control (or abstinence) if you don't want a child.  Also, if you are having sex with a douchebag, maybe you should go ahead and use two or three forms of birth control.  Or listen to your girlfriends (and mom *shiver*) and break up with him. 

Also?  MTV now hates teenage boys.  You have a one-way ticket to my heart, you silly old television network.


all images from mtv.com

Secrets of LOST, Revealed!

I have been busy lately.  Very very busy being sick and couch-bound and lame. Super lame.


But one thing I HAVE been doing with Jeremy is watching LOST from the beginning to prepare for the NEW EPISODE next week (commence freaking out).  Jeremy really wanted to watch all of the episodes in order so we can find all the "secrets" we missed the first time around.  Here is what we uncovered so far:


1.  I still love Hurley

2.  I still love Sayid

*feels tingly*


3.  We both still hate Ana Lucia.  

Actually, we hate her more the second time around.


4.  There are TWO Veronicas in the production crew.


5.  One Veronica was Veronica Collins during Season One, but then became Veronica Collins Rooney in the first episode of Season Two.  We believe she got married.


6.  There is also an Archie on the production crew.  We assume the Veronicas fight over him.


7.  Also, we figured out every other secret, but I don't want to ruin it for anyone. Or brag.


February 2nd, people!!  The FINAL SEASON!!


all images from abc.om

Sometimes I Think Baby Jesus Gave Me Insomnia So I Could Share These Products With All the Normal People of the World

I have an exciting opportunity for you.  Do you feel your derrière is flat and boring?  Do you wish it could really ... POP?  Then look no further!




If you can't stomach the whole thing, here are the highlights:


0:14 -- The first time you hear the *POP* sound
0:36 -- The most ridiculous and misleading before and after of all time
0:40 -- The secret of Booty Pop panties is revealed!
1:03 -- Booty Pop lists all the types of garments you can drape over your butt.  ALSO, awesome dancing in mirror montage
1:36 -- Camera angle accidentally reveals how lumpy one's booty will look when wearing Booty Pop
1:55 -- All five "exciting" colors are shown 


You're welcome.  Here's to hoping your booty is always popping.

An Ode to SNL

It seems whenever I ask people if they watch Saturday Night Live, they always say something like "Oh, I used to watch it, but it isn't very funny anymore."


Well, guess what?  FALSE.


I love SNL, and to bring back viewers to my favorite Saturday show, I would like to provide you with some of my favorite recent funnies.


Please, do enjoy:


First up:  "Snookie" from Jersey Shore shows up on Weekend Update!:



Next, SNL continues the tradition of hilarious commercials:



Now, a topical Twilight sketch that is even funny for non-fans!:



And one of my favorite cast members, who I seem to like even better in drag:

Hypnotizing Children: The Main Goal of Children's Television in the 80s

I have thought of this two-minute video SO many times in my life, I can't even tell you.  I haven't seen it since I was a toddler, but I have such incredibly vivid memories of it that I craved seeing it again.  


Then, my dear friend Jess reminded me what decade we currently lived in, and pointed me to youtube.  She is one clever beesh.


I have mentioned this crayon-making sequence to lots of people my age, and they all share my enthusiasm for it.  Seriously, I even remember the girl coloring the monarch butterfly at the beginning.  It is one of only two specific memories I have of Sesame Street, and I wonder what it is about this specific vignette that struck such a cord with people my age.


P.S.  I wonder how they chose the color orange for the crayons ... it is SOOO perfect.


P.P.S.  I love how all the ladies working in the factory are wearing nice clothes and have big smiles on their faces! 


P.P.P.S.  This is the only other portion of Sesame Street that has dug itself deep into my long-term memory:

Good-bye My Lover ... Good-bye My Friend ...

Those of you who are not addicted to television might find this post ridiculous.  You might pity me or feel the need to send me pamphlets.  But some of you will feel true empathy for me.  To those of you, I say "thank you, dearest comrades."

A horrific moment in the Dimick household transpired this past Wednesday.  Our lovely, warm, comedic, educational friend -- the living room television -- died.

It all happened so quickly.  I had the television on while I was getting ready for work Wednesday morning, and I had Pet Star on (MoJo and Cleo like it) when, out of nowhere, the television screen went black. 

I was so scared to tell Jeremy.  I was sure I would be to blame.  Thankfully, he likened the event to something related to Apollo 13 and Kevin Bacon (I have no idea what he was talking about), but said it would have happened to whoever happened to have the TV on at that particular moment in time. 

After a thorough investigation and some phone calls, it seems that there is no unringing this bell -- the TV is gone.

We never saw this coming.  She was so young.  We certainly thought she had more than two years to give us.  Even more upsetting is the fact that we have a sweet little story attached to the purchase of our TV. 

It was back when we were young, unmarried folks.  There was a MASSIVE sale going on at Target, and we were convinced that we would be stupid to pass up such a fantastic deal, and this TV could last us decades.  We settled on a TV, haggled, got a lower price, got it home, and felt EVER so proud of ourselves.

Look at that face.

Our long-running joke had always been that Jeremy wanted a big-screen TV as an engagement present when he proposed.  He thought it was crummy that the man had to spend thousands of dollars on a ring and didn't get something fun in return.  I always reminded him that he would be getting a BEAUTIFUL FIANCEE in return, but eventually gave up and humored him.

So, when we picked out the TV, I offered to pay for it, jokingly saying that I would buy his engagement present even though I hadn't received my part of the bargain.  He laughed, I laughed, and we had a TV.

Little did I know, Jeremy had been saving and planning for months, and was going to propose days later.  The television sale had just popped up and we took advantage of it, but he hadn't counted on me bringing up his desire for an engagement television.  So, when he did propose eight days later, we certainly had a good laugh, and we had always referred to the television as his engagement present.  No matter how silly it was, the TV had great memories attached to it.  And now she is no more.

No TV can ever replace that fun moment in our lives.  And now, even more scary, is the fact that Jeremy thinks if we are going to buy a TV we should get a BIGGER television.  Yes, he thinks that the MASSIVE television we had before could be improved upon.  Help me, Jebus ...

Lack of Desire

I just handed Jeremy the remote, and he promptly chose to watch Tremors. This is a perfect illustration of the way that Jeremy and I are the least compatible ... our viewing desires.

• Jeremy watches Sportscenter in the morning ... I watch DVRed episodes of Beautiful People or The Office.
• After dinner, I would love to watch any number of medical documentaries, reality shows, or a crime drama like Law & Order, and Jeremy feels that life is not worth living if he cannot watch every single sporting event broadcast in our area.
• Jeremy's idea of a perfect movie night is watching Escape from New York or The Warriors, and I have a sinking suspicion that I will never be able to watch Never Been Kissed or A Chorus Line again unless Jeremy is out of state.

Thank goodness we are compatible in most every other way, because this TV/movie thing can really be a nightmare. Jeremy actually leaves the room if I flip the channel to Jon and Kate + 8 or Bridezillas, and these shows help me unwind. Watching Reality TV is like a brain massage for my stressed out mind. Interestingly, however, I have managed to bring him over to the dark side, even if it is just a tiny bit. Believe it or not, he watches Charm School!! And we LOVED all of the Flavor of Love seasons! It just took a few snarky comments from airheads for him to see the full glory of watching crap.
Bring back Flav!!

Serious Technical Advancements

I just finished watching an episode of Kathy Griffin's My Life on the D-List that I DVRed last night, and I just have to marvel at the new-fangled invention that is a DVR.

I am aware that this whole DVR phenomenon might not be altogether new, per se, but I find it enhances my life every day. For example, just last night I noticed that episodes of Bridezillas and My Life on the D-List were on in addition to my beloved Jon and Kate + 8. This wouldn't normally pose a problem, but my fantastic and non-TV-compatible husband was sitting next to me on the couch. He had just spent an entire day working on a huge grad school project and wanted to relax with me. What's a girl to do? With the power of the DVR on my side, I simply had to hit a few buttons, turn and smile at my lovely husband, and pop in a Netflix we both wanted to watch. Now, as I sit here with a towel wrapped around my wet hair while I get ready to face a day at work, I can cram all of that TV into a short time by fast-forwarding through those useless commercials. Coffee and reality TV in the morning ... ahhhhh!

Obsession(s)

Okay, so anyone who knows me knows that I might have an obsessive personality. When I find something I like, it quickly turns to love, then, of course, even more quickly to an obsession. Luckily, I get over these obsessions, or I would still be obsessed with Mousercize, My Little Ponies, Rainbow Brite, and Strawberry Shortcake in addition to all of the thousands of obsessions over the years.

So, what follows is a list of my most recent obsessions and why I have become infatuated with said items/people:

1. Augusten Burroughs: I put off reading Running with Scissors for many years because, as snooty as it sounds, I often question books that are instant bestsellers and made into movies in no time flat. I have been proven wrong. I read Running with Scissors and liked it, so my helpful friend Jess gave me all five of his other books (four more memoirs and a novel).

What I was not expecting was that I would LOVE LOVE LOVE his other books. My three favorite are definitely Possible Side Effects, Magical Thinking, and Sellevision. So, naturally, I started stalking him. I went to his website, and googled him to read all the many articles that have been written about him. Through this, I found that the family he wrote about in Running with Scissors is suing him because, essentially, they claim that while they ARE crazy, they are not AS crazy as he made them out to be. Lame. Reading his blog also led me to my next obsession:

2. Reading memoirs: From stalking Augusten Xon Burroughs (yeah, I know his middle name and I know that his real name is Christopher Robison. Sad, but true.), I learned that his best friend is also an author who has had two memoirs published. So, I went and bought A Girl Named Zippy by Haven Kimmel. Oh. My. God. I read it in one day. So I ran back and got her second memoir, She Got Up Off the Couch. Both are written in the voice of a young, sassy, unpredictable girl. I love that little girl. THEN I learned that Augusten Burroughs' brother, John Elder Robison, published a memoir about not being diagnosed with Asperger's until he was 40. Look Me in the Eye was awesome as well, and I was officially hooked on memoirs.

So, I was strolling through Schuler books the other day, and, lo and behold, they are making a new section to house their expanding memoir collection, and I found another great memoir: My Lobotomy by Howard Dully. Talk about heart-wrenching. This book is about a boy who had a totally unnecessary lobotomy when he was TWELVE years old. In his forties he decided to do some research to try to discover why and how this could have happened to him. A great read. And just when I thought my memoir obsession was losing steam, I got another lead in an interesting place.

3. Beautiful People / Simon Doonan: I was flipping through the cable TV guide, and I saw that a show called Beautiful People, produced by BBC2, was about to come on. I love those crazy Brits, especially the funny ones, so I turned it on. Words cannot express the hilarity of this show. It is about a slightly fey (light-in-the-loafers type fellow) window dresser for Barney's New York remembering his childhood as a slightly fey boy growing up in the 90s in dreary old England. And, of course, he has fantastically crazy family and a lovely accent, and I love him.

I watched the credits and learned that the show was based on Simon Doonan's memoir Beautiful People: My Family and Other Glamorous Varmits, so in a matter of moments, I snatched the book up and devoured it in a day and a half. I might be slow on the uptake, but it turns out Simon Doonan is the artistic director for Barney's New York, and he is the fabulous and flamboyant talking head who regularly appears on VH1 programs to say hilarious, snarky things while adorned in a loud, garish outfit. I love him!!!!

And yes, my friends, all of these books are available to borrow! :)