Tuesday, December 8, 2009

I Can Still Do the Splits, Too

I really shocked myself today.  Driving home from work after teaching two classes, I realized I had just been EXTREMELY flexible.  And about HUGE things.  Like final exams and term papers.

I had to take a look in the rearview mirror to make sure I was still me and not someone else.

I am not entirely INflexible.  But there are just some things that I will not budge on.  Some have even been known to call me stubborn once or twice. 

Just once or twice.

So, I was pretty proud of myself today, to say the least.  I have been working on being less stubborn, and teaching has really helped me learn to go with the flow and avoid those pesky nervous breakdowns when things go awry. 

However ... there are some things I never see myself being flexible on.  And I don't really care to be.  Therefore, I still reserve the right to be angry, flustered, or otherwise enraged by the following:

1.  Sportscenter.  Or, as I call it, the "loud yelly channel."  Seriously, those assbutts are always shouting and fighting and yapping, and it just makes me want to pull my hair out! 

2.  99.9% of sports color commentators.  Talk about ... hmm.  I can't think of a non-offensive word to replace the one I was thinking of.  They have nothing to say, but they keep talking anyway.  And I think there must be some sort of voice requirement to get that job -- your voice has to be equivalent to nails on a chalkboard.  If you have a lovely, mellifluous voice, no go.  I have gotten so sensitive to that rubbish that if Jeremy springs it on me, I instinctually crouch and hiss like a Twilight vampire.  Oddly, he does not find this attractive.

3.  Jerkfaces who are intent on stealing my time.  That's right.  Time theives.  They are everywhere.  I most often run across these buttheads in the grocery store.  You know, the people walking painfully slowly down the CENTER of the aisle so you can't get around them or stopping right in front of you to mentally balance their checkbooks instead of GETTING TO ONE SIDE AND TAKING THINGS OFF THE SHELVES AND PUTTING THEM IN THEIR CARTS AND GETTING ON WITH THEIR LIVES.  Seriously, just because YOU clearly have nowhere to go and nothing but free time on your hands does not mean that I have nothing to do and nowhere to go.  In fact, I am always on a mission.  I want to get in, get out, and move along in the most efficient method possible.  I do not dilly-dally or stroll.  I GO.

4.  Jerkfaces who are intent on stealing my time AND trying to kill me with their cars.  This is a two-pronged intolerance:  If you either a) feel the need to go 15-20 miles UNDER the speed limit or b) insist on ignoring everthing else on the road and trying to swerve into other cars, then I HATE YOU.  Especially if you combine those traits.  It is astonishing how many people just wander through life without noticing there are others around them who are affected by their choices.  Or just want to text and drive at the same time.  Sigh.

So ... cheers to my flexibility and tolerance!


  1. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  2. Congrats! :) I like to think I'm pretty flexible, but I'm probably more stubborn than I realize. Stopping by from 20something!

  3. Yeah. It's my new fave. I called Jeremy an assbutt about 10 times already since he got home at 6. Love it.


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