You'd Think My Husband Would Be More Jealous

I have an Internet girlfriend.  It's true.  


Don't worry, Jeremy knows about it ... I think.  It's hard to say.  Whenever I start talking and the word "blog" appears in the sentence, he gets this glazed look in his eyes, and he stops looking me in the eye and instead looks somewhere in the vicinity of my forehead.  ("It's an old sales trick." Who said it?  A lock of my hair for the first person to comment with the answer).


Anywhoo, Jeremy has been informed that I have a blog crush, but he may or may not have retained the information and committed it to long-term memory.  Whatever.  Let's talk about what's REALLY important here:  Allie from Hyperbole and a Half.  She is ... how do you say?  Ah, yes: AWESOME.  


Here is what has been happening the last two days:


Jeremy: Up in bed, coughing, languishing on his deathbed, croaking out requests for more Diet Vernors.
Veronica: Not getting Diet Vernors for husband, reading said blog, laughing like a maniac and intermittently trying to stifle maniacal laughter.  
Jeremy: Hears laughter anyway.  Is annoyed and thinks Veronica is ignoring his plight.
Veronica:  Might be SLIGHTLY indifferent to his suffering due to the hilarity in front of her face.


And here's why:  Please do enjoy this excerpt from "It's Like There Was a Zombie Apocalypse and Then There Was Something That Came Along and Got Rid of the Zombies and Now it's Just Me and My Boyfriend":

I saw the guy wandering around in the store.  He looked like Gollum.  He was a creature of the night, dressed all in black save for the red "Anarchy" symbol that was safety-pinned to the back of his ratty T-shirt.  Unlike Gollum, this man was fucking purposeful.  He walked like you'd walk if you had just found out that your hot wife was giving birth to twin eagles but before you could go to her side, you had to save the earth from aliens and then the camera panned out and you started walking in slow motion to some Rage Against the Machine song and then you turned into Will Smith and you fucking brought it and the aliens were like "daaaaaayumm, we should never have attacked Earth... our bad." And then you turned into William Wallace for a second and yelled "FREEEDOM!!!!!!!!" and then you turned back into Will Smith, only this time you were also part Samuel L. Jackson and you pumped some alien ass full of lead because that's what you were born to do. 

Yup, that's my special lady *tear*.  She's magical with those word things.


Now, you might be wondering, Veronica, just because you think she is funny, how does that make her your Internet girlfriend?  Easy.  Because THIS happened:


I sent Allie a message, which went a little something like this:

Then she answered with THIS:

But that's not all!  Check it! 

The funny lady thinks I'm hot AND smart.  Did you catch that?  Swoon.


If you would like to read some of my favorite posts, check out 

"I finally got to call the Poison Control Hotline"  
"I Could Give This Post a Snappy Title, OR I Could Just Tell You It Contains a Picture of Me With No Pants On.  You Will Probably Be Terribly Disappointed." 
"Three Posts in One Day??  What Am I?  A Loser?  Yes, Actually." and 
"I AM THE CHAMPION!!!"  Hell, they're all good!

Want the ultimate proof that a) Allie is awesome, b) She GETS me.  Like really gets me, and c) she loves me?  She made me THIS:

Please, be Allie's follower, subscribe to her feed, and make her rich and famous! Because, you know, I will be sharing that fortune one day ...